Newbie into Relationships

[Wheatley]

Hey,

So I recently got into a relationship (first proper one ever!). I've been trying not to over think things but that's not gonna work :P

1) He likes to go to nightclubs with the rest of my uni block - I've never tagged along because I never used to drink and have only very recently started (been drunk 3 times - plus I don't like the cheap beers - so it'll be expensive). Last time, he ended up making out with this boy (before we were officially in a relationship) but he got scared after and confessed to me (we were due to have a chat about "what we are" a few days after this event) saying that he didn't want me to think of him as unfaithful or uncaring and swore that it wouldn't happen if he was in a relationship (I've liked him for a while now - and this was always one of my fears).

It's not that I don't trust him, but I kinda feel pressured to go to nightclubs with everyone. I think he'll enjoy it more if I'm there and hes been passively trying to get me to come to tonight's one. I don't want the relationship to start failing so early just because I don't have these "fun nights out". It's only that I'm scared of going as to why I don't (knowing my own limits, getting spiked or assaulted etc...). I recently started drinking in the block kitchen with a smaller group and can definitely say that that's bought us closer.

2) He's a bit of a shy guy sober, and, it can be really hard to read him at times because of this. I do end up over thinking some of the things he does (or doesn't do), get worried but then everything turns out fine (he never knows - this is just privately). But one thing he said to me (and has said a lot) while talking about our friend is that "You are a complete jigsaw puzzle - you don't need to depend on others to make you happy - if someone comes along who does, then you can add them on" (I forget the words exactly, but that's jist of it).

I understand what is meant by this, by the fact that you should be able to make yourself happy. But I hate comparing people to "complete" jigsaw puzzles. If it's already complete, then you can't add on anything else, and if you do then its trying to fit in places where it doesn't belong. Obviously that's not a very nice way to view other people, especially not your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Sorry for the long post, what do you think?

Thanks

[maniamsmart]

I am not really sure if you are asking a question or just sharing your feelings and thoughts, or both. I don't really see a question here, but what I do see is a conflicting part in your relationship with him. He wants to go to nightclubs, you don't, but at the same time do because you feel like it would make him happy, but are scared too. You could either do three things, one, find something else he may like to do and get him interested in it and then maybe both of you could do that, two, tell him how you feel about the idea of going to nightclubs, and tell him that you'd like to make him happy but are scared and maybe he'll help you get over your fear, or three, just give it a shot and trust that he will be there for you and help you overcome your fear when you are at the nightclub.

Not sure if I understand your post fully either, so I apologize if I don't, but I'll be more than happy to follow up with you :)

[Wheatley]

Thanks maniamsmart, Yes the post was a little over the place, it was just me dumping my feelings haha

It literally had been 2 days after we started the relationship that I posted that and was a little anxious/uneasy with the whole situation. Since then we've spent a lot of time together and I think we both have a better understanding of each other.

We are both incredibly shy in the same respect though, which is both a pain and a pleasure, partly because while I understand whats hard for him, I know just how hard it is to do anything about that problem other than just take it slow and always be there with him (which I have no problem with) :P

I will take your advice with the whole nightclubs thing. In some respects he is very different to me, but those differences are something that I admire in him and something that I've wanted for a while (I'm talking personality traits etc..). While I don't want to become "him #2", I do wanna push myself to to be happier and more confident with who I am

EDIT: No Need to now, he broke up with me today. Apparently he wasn't sure how he felt about me and didn't want to be a dick. So, I don't really know what to think about that

[maniamsmart]

Wheatley

Aww, sorry to hear that your relationship ended. I wouldn't think much more than what he told you, there will be better guys that will treat you with the love and care that you deserve and not simply keep you because they "don't want to be a dick".