So confused , i need advice (small long story)

[Thaliacea]

Please if you have time , read it . Thank you! I know that is is long

Recently i posted a thread about me and one boy. Maybe some of you posted in it , anyway it is not important. With him i found out i was bi , before that i had girlfriends. I saw that he likes me , but he didn't know i was bi. So one time i went to him , we were talking it was normal. Then he put his head on my shoulder. Started playing with my hand , few times touched my face. But nothing more happened. He used to tell me "i want to be with you , but i know it is impossible" ,then he sent me that part from James Blunts - You are beautiful , that when he says "...But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you."

Then one day i went to him and told myself "Ill do it!" and i did. I kissed him , we made out , we didn't have sex but we touched each other. He moaned and i thought he likes it. I did like it... anyway. After that he started sending me random messages like "i miss you" , "i want to hug you" and so on. But i felt like it is not same as before. He replied slowly , short sentences. He sent me something like "your kisses are cute" ,i replied something like " i don't like how i kiss , but thank you" and he replied "there is time to learn".

After that we started sexting. It was really nice. I got so turned on. Everything was ok . But only problem are finals. His finals ended and mine will start next week. Anyway , we again sexted , 2 days ago i think. And then something happened. In one moment he said "Stop! We need to stop this. Our friendship will break" i was like okay , no problem. I was bit confused , but yeah it wouldn't probably end well. Then he sent me something like this (i will put few messages in one sentence): " Please don't send me messages anymore. I know that you don't want relationship. I am really evil person. You will bond too much with me.Good luck with your finals. See ya" and i was like ?!what happened?! , i sent him two times "why are you evil?" he ignored , then i told him "you know my trust for you is starting to fall..." and he replied " Sorry , i can't do anything about it. Good night" . Then i ignored , and next morning i slept like 4 hours and i sent him "Can you please explain me what happened , i think i should know. Can you?" and he ignored... after that we didn't share any message on facebook , wa or skype. And now i am really ,really confused. But i have few theories:

1. He didn't like it when we kissed first time. But he don't want to tell me that in face so he thinks that if we don't talk to each other my feelings will decrease.
2.There is someone else , and he don't want to tell me .But he wants something with him ,
3. I told him i don't want relationship , cause all my relationships started really good , the pre-relationship periods were beautiful , but after some time it just breaks. So i found out i am not ready for relationship. But he wants it , so maybe that is why.
4. Or my final theory , we had some plans after my finals. So maybe he doesn't want to occupy me so i don't fail them.

So i need your advice. What should i do? I really like him in both ways. So i don't want to lose him. Yeah i would totally understand if he doesn't want to be with me , but that is not the reason why we shouldn't text . I have temptation to send him message , but i just can't. I feel kinda disappointed , and i am waiting , maybe he will send message. But as time passes i think that he will not. So please , what do you think should i do? Thank you for reading!

[Dan1234]

From what I've read I reckon theory 3 is the most likely. He may want a relationship at some point, so when you told him you didn't want one perhaps he decided to cut off all contact with you before he falls for you properly. His messages don't seem to make any sense, though there's probably a lot more to it than what you're just describing.

Or he may be unsure of what he wants, hence the confusing messages, suggesting that there may be someone else on the sidelines.

If I were you I wouldn't message him until he messages you. If he's already ignored previous messages, sending more will only make you come across as desperate. It may seem like he won't come around/message you again, but the chances are he will if you really were as close as you say you were.

[Thaliacea]

He wrote to me few minutes ago. But it didn't go well. He asked me like "hey what's going on" , we chatted . Than i said i must go and if he wants to talk he will need to explain me few things. He only said "we overdid it" i asked him that there is more than that he said "there is not". Then it didn't go well... it ended pretty intense. I will message him later , with serious message. And if he ignores it or answer something stupid , that's it . i quit.

[Dan1234]

He wrote to me few minutes ago. But it didn't go well. He asked me like "hey what's going on" , we chatted . Than i said i must go and if he wants to talk he will need to explain me few things. He only said "we overdid it" i asked him that there is more than that he said "there is not". Then it didn't go well... it ended pretty intense. I will message him later , with serious message. And if he ignores it or answer something stupid , that's it . i quit.

I presume it ending 'intense' means in an argumentative way? From what you're saying it's likely that there is more to it. I wouldn't message him yet, well not in a serious way (though you may have already sent it by the time you read this). You haven't given eachother enough time to calm down so you both may say something you later regret. Leaving it a day or two allows you to both gather your thoughts, though if he replies with something stupid or ignores it even after allowing him to cool down it suggests he might not be worthy of your time.

[Thaliacea]

I presume it ending 'intense' means in an argumentative way? From what you're saying it's likely that there is more to it. I wouldn't message him yet, well not in a serious way (though you may have already sent it by the time you read this). You haven't given eachother enough time to calm down so you both may say something you later regret. Leaving it a day or two allows you to both gather your thoughts, though if he replies with something stupid or ignores it even after allowing him to cool down it suggests he might not be worthy of your time.

No i haven't ,i will now. I don't like to leave things unfinished. I will say sorry cause i said something stupid. Well i hope he will understand , although i think that this should be done in live.

*I did send it now

[Foamy]

My interpretation of this situation is that you guys were moving way too fast for both of your likings. I also feel as though, because you weren't interested in a relationship in the beginning, he gave up on that hope and doesn't want to fall back in it. And I feel as though because he wants to stop the sexting he wants to try and preserve the friendship, because whether or not you want it to happen once things get sexual they get really complicated. I would stop trying to pursue a relationship for now. Get to know each other better as friends and romantically or sexually. If you two end up being in a relationship down the road it has to be a mutual decision when both of you are ready, which at this point neither of you seem to be.

[Thaliacea]

My interpretation of this situation is that you guys were moving way too fast for both of your likings. I also feel as though, because you weren't interested in a relationship in the beginning, he gave up on that hope and doesn't want to fall back in it. And I feel as though because he wants to stop the sexting he wants to try and preserve the friendship, because whether or not you want it to happen once things get sexual they get really complicated. I would stop trying to pursue a relationship for now. Get to know each other better as friends and romantically or sexually. If you two end up being in a relationship down the road it has to be a mutual decision when both of you are ready, which at this point neither of you seem to be.


I talked with him and yeah , it was the third one. I asked him to tell him does or doesn't want something with me , he said "we can't succeed as couple" and that was enough for me.

[DoodleSnap]

I have gone through the same thing it sounds like he is going through. I felt as if, because of the strong friendship, that the new ground of love would break us apart, and that lead to my guilt. I was worried, the new experiences, the difference in our contact, the endless thoughts pouring through my mind, I though I was doing something wrong, that I was ruining something by wanting a romantic relationship. But after much crying to my girlfriend, I came to realise that a good friendship can endure love. Love is new ground, sure, but it doesn't have to be different. I realised we could be lovers some of the time, and friends the rest of the time. We all get limited by this societal construct that seems to separate love and friendship, but in reality, the two go hand-in-hand. My best advice is to speak to him in person (or if that isn't possible, leave a heartfelt message that conveys what you want to tell him, whether he replies or not), and allow him to understand that you want a romantic relationship, but that you can also remain being friends, and if anything, that the combination will prosper together. If you take it slow, the combination of friendship and love can turn out to be the most wonderful, honest, and important thing in the world. I really hope everything goes well.

[Thaliacea]

I have gone through the same thing it sounds like he is going through. I felt as if, because of the strong friendship, that the new ground of love would break us apart, and that lead to my guilt. I was worried, the new experiences, the difference in our contact, the endless thoughts pouring through my mind, I though I was doing something wrong, that I was ruining something by wanting a romantic relationship. But after much crying to my girlfriend, I came to realise that a good friendship can endure love. Love is new ground, sure, but it doesn't have to be different. I realised we could be lovers some of the time, and friends the rest of the time. We all get limited by this societal construct that seems to separate love and friendship, but in reality, the two go hand-in-hand. My best advice is to speak to him in person (or if that isn't possible, leave a heartfelt message that conveys what you want to tell him, whether he replies or not), and allow him to understand that you want a romantic relationship, but that you can also remain being friends, and if anything, that the combination will prosper together. If you take it slow, the combination of friendship and love can turn out to be the most wonderful, honest, and important thing in the world. I really hope everything goes well.

Nah it was something else. I was stupid , i didn't take situation seriously and did something really stupid. So now i don't have anything .

[DoodleSnap]

Nah it was something else. I was stupid , i didn't take situation seriously and did something really stupid. So now i don't have anything .
I'm sorry to hear that. Feel free to PM me about it if you want someone to speak to C:

[Thaliacea]

Well i drowned ma sorrow into crying and writing stories , so it is okay now :D thank you anyway \o/