Why can't I be myself?

[Leprous]

So first of all, I'd like to start this post with an apology. First, I'm sorry for being me. Second, I'm sorry for making allot of these posts.

I'm so done. School is horrible, I'm horrible and everything's horrible. I'm under so much pressure for school, I'm stressed and lonely. I feel like nobody gives a damn about how I feel, they all seem to think insulting me for being myself won't do me any harm. Infact, they think it's good I know how much of a mess I am.

I don't have any social skills, I never make new friends. People I meet for the first time will hate me eventually anyway. I don't know how I'm supposed to act anymore. It seems I can never be a good person to others. It seems I'm worthless to everyone.

People make fun of me because apparently I'll never find someone to love, someone to be happy with. I guess they're right after all. Two horrible relationships broke me. Obviously I'm a bad person when I'm myself.

I did horrible things, I'm a horrible person. People told me that I should kill myself. Maybe that's what I deserve.

I don't know what to do anymore, everything is collapsing onto me.

I'd like to add one more thing. I have nobody. I have nobody that will always be able to reply if I need them, I have nobody who would help me out if I'm feeling down. I just don't think I deserve that anymore. I don't think anyone would be willing to be there for me all the time.

[Lottie]

I don't think you should be sorry for being you (or for posting too much)

I don't really know what to say to make you feel better, it sucks to be alone, I know because I've been there too. I do horrible things all the time,but I dont think that makes me a horrible person. I just mess up alot!

I don't think you should kill yourself, there is always something to live for.

Sorry I'm not much more help, but just know there are people who feel the same as you and there will always be someone to listen. message me anytime x

[Leprous]

I don't think you should be sorry for being you (or for posting too much)

I don't really know what to say to make you feel better, it sucks to be alone, I know because I've been there too. I do horrible things all the time,but I dont think that makes me a horrible person. I just mess up alot!

I don't think you should kill yourself, there is always something to live for.

Sorry I'm not much more help, but just know there are people who feel the same as you and there will always be someone to listen. message me anytime x

I did things I should have never done. I said horrible things, and now I'l getting my payback. Right now to a part of my problems there is a solution. Changing schools. A solution that I am not allowed to do, and I don't want to.
So basicly this leaves me all alone with no options.

[Lottie]

Are you sure changing schools is the only option? What did you do that is so bad?

[CanadianJake]

I honestly wish I could give advice on this but there's really nothing I can say or do that'll help. I think the best advice I could give is try talking to some of these people, tell them that it's bothering you that they are saying this type of stuff to you. Sadly our society has changed too much, we're all born into this current society which is based off popularity or these type of groups which only care about themselves and no one else. I'd say maybe seeing a therapist may help as well? maybe someone professional could help you guide you in the right direction? But don't feel sorry, this is what virtual teen was created for was to help get advice from other teens who experienced or is experiencing the same sort of problem. Either way I'm sorry this is not much of help. But I think in this case a therapist may help? Have you tried going to your parents that your feeling this way or do they not care? I feel bad this isn't much advice though but I honestly don't what else to say and Lottie got it right on.

[tasminsmith]

Ive seen you on a few threads and you seem like a really nice person, everyone does bad things but its what makes us human. There's no way you should kill your self, and you definatley don't deserve it. Don't let anyone be horrible to you just ignore them because your better than that I'm sorry you feel alone but there's always someone there for you and I hope you feel better soon. :)

[Leprous]

Are you sure changing schools is the only option? What did you do that is so bad?

I hurt so many people, and I still do. It's driving me crazy just thinking about it.

tasminsmith Thanks for your reply. I try to ignore them but it's pretty damn hard.

CanadianJake They won't listen if I tell them to stop, I tried it before.

[DearReader]

What an interesting thought. I'm actually suicidal too. I think I have these horrible mood swings where I go from wonderful to horrible. They say life's a roller coaster, well I hate roller coasters. Do you like them? I mean, I've never been on one because I'm afraid. I think that's okay, to be afraid of things. It's one of the joys of being me. actually, I don't even know what being me means. do you? I probably couldn't describe myself in a way that anyone else would understand. that sucks.

I think that I wanna try a roller coaster out, at least one time before I kill myself. I mean, what must it feel like?