My mom is a control freak!

[Drummer Ben]

Before you say move out and get a job it's not that easy. I'm just fed up at how controlling my mother is she literally freaks out about everything. Every morning she asks me did you brush your teeth? did you put on deodorant? Look at your hair it's disgusting you need a haircut. I can't get a job because I don't have a car. Did side jobs and sold everything I had and now can buy a car. No one will take me to buy a car. Just got my license when I turned 18 cause parents wouldn't let me get one. Now that I have one they won't let me use their car. They won't let me go anywhere far with friends.

Yet my sister my sister my sister. They treat her like a goddess but she smokes weed, parties and drinks on the weekends. Most of my weekends are spent sleeping. I always sucked up to my parents but now Imm finally becoming independent and my mom can't stand it. She still wants to dress me in the morning. She's cried and has said oh, I miss the times you were younger. I don't understand what to do. When does this control prison stop. I can't go anywhere or do anything without them being with me. Does this really not end until you move out? What were you parents like? When I move out I know my mom will be wanting a phone call twice a day!

She destory's me, every hobby I have she tries to control. If she could control my whole life down to the boxers I wear she would!

[juanita]

Smother rhymes with mother.....in my experience she is not going to change. The best you can hope for is by letting her know you don't want to be controlled and want to navigate your own life she will back off. A better solution of course is move out, become financially self supportive. That will decrease her ability to have control over you, won't stop her though.

[Drummer Ben]

Oh she knows I don't want her to control my life. That only makes her more angry and more controlling when I speak my mind. I used to get in fights but I find its not worth it anymore. The best thing for me to do is ignore when she like to speak her mind all the time. It's just agonizing to see my other friends who've had jobs for a good 3 years, already have car, dont have their parents up their back all the time. I used to think the reason they don't trust me with anything is I don't show them I can.

Used to that is because I show them I can accomplish anything. The problem is they don't give me any chances to show them. For instance. Was almost 18 when I got my permit. My mom kept saying before the test how much you wanna bet your going to fail. I pass and she just gets pissed I proved her wrong. I go to take my drivers test when I turn 18 and my mom literally freaking out saying oh jeeze he's going to crash the car. I pass the first time and my parents are shocked. Naturally I want to drive their cars and they won't let me. So I go to buy my own car on craigslist and they won't take me to buy one.

I know I'm repeating myself but you can see its all a lack of trust from my parents. It's annoying because things I could of accomplished a long time ago have taken this long. Would of gotten a job years ago for instance. Would of have gotten my license last year. I feel they just don't want to see me grow up and move out. Haha, I feel like that Old Spice commercial!

[Lottie]

I dont really know what to say to help. I really feel for you, it must be tough.

Thinking of u and sorry I cant be more help.

[LiamC]

My foster mum is similar... I am almost 18 and that's the point I get my own money, have to be more self sufficient and ready for uni. She is always checking up on if I've done basic things like washed, eaten, tidied my room and done my washing etc. All of those are things I am more than capable of doing and I do them when they need doing (obviously wash/eat daily and tidy my room when it's messy, do washing when the basket is full etc.)... She also checks up on my Twitter! Of course it's public and what i choose to publish can be seen by anyone, but there's a difference between an active user following me and her creating an account and followng only me (pretty much, she follows some stupid spam weird accounts and weirdly one of my friends...), never tweeting. She will do absolutely nothing for me either. I needed to drop something into my social worker's office which is literally behind her kids' school, about a minute away tops. But she wouldn't do that, I had to get the bus myself and go out of my way to do it! Just simple things like that -_-

She is one of those people who you can never do right, either way. For example, if there's a period where we're all busy and things just clash and I don't see my friends much, she goes on about worrying I'm not socialising. If I stay out too late or have "too many" people over ("too many" being like 3 at a time), that's also wrong...

So i can empathise if not help haha!

[CuteGuy889]

My mom does really embarrasing stuff too..but she may mean well
If I fall asleep in a friends/cousinsour house she casually takes my pants off leaving me in my briefs...Even in the mid of a group with girls!!!-did this till 14.

If I get a stomach ache in car she gets me to take my pants off and sit on a plastic pad in my briefs just in case I have a poo accident ..with older girl cousins who ride with us..I had 2-3 poo accidents and this saved my pants.

If I want to go for the "big job" in outside home she tags along, undresses me w/o closing toilet door and waits outside holding my pants.

When I fall asleep in my room she takes my pants off then if she finds my undies dirty she takes them off too..and won't care to close the door. I am in full display to my cousins who live close by and drop on& off.

Since putting on sm weight after being skinny all my life she frequently brings this up in conversations infront of me..with freinds/relaitns. She'd go on about how skinny I used to be, how cute I look now and that I'd probably get fat in college like my dad...It is soo embarrassing I get red in face.

These are done good naturedly but are embarrsing to a teen guy...she won't get it at all.

[ImCoolBeans]

You said that you've had arguments and fights with your parents about this in the past -- have you tried having more of a grown-up conversation with them about it? A lot of the emphasis seems to be on your mom rather than your dad, can you talk to your dad about this? He may understand. There is an old saying that goes: "You will catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar." Which means, if you want something, you will have an easier time achieving it if you are calm, collected, and sweet, rather than upset, angry, and bitter.

[amgb]

I agree with ImCoolBeans. I think pretty much the majority of us teens have really controlling parents. My parents, especially my Mum are a lot like yours and probably much worse, so I know and understand how frustrating and upsetting it feels. Nothing much has worked with me and my parents, but I could suggest that you talk to your Mum about how you feel and tell her you don't like what she's doing. Be firm, not harsh. From the looks of it she seems to care about you a lot, maybe too much. Tell her you need independence. As you grow older she will eventually slowly learn to let go a little. I hope things with your dad is better than how it is with your Mum. If it's the same with your dad then I also suggest talking to him about it. I hope it does get better for you~~~

[Freshwound]

I know there are parents just being control freaks and oblivious of their child's voice, but to be fair, I think there is a fine line between being protective and being controlling, either how parents wanting to protect their child or us choose to see the only the negativity.

[Drummer Ben]

My foster mum is similar... I am almost 18 and that's the point I get my own money, have to be more self sufficient and ready for uni. She is always checking up on if I've done basic things like washed, eaten, tidied my room and done my washing etc. All of those are things I am more than capable of doing and I do them when they need doing (obviously wash/eat daily and tidy my room when it's messy, do washing when the basket is full etc.)... She also checks up on my Twitter! Of course it's public and what i choose to publish can be seen by anyone, but there's a difference between an active user following me and her creating an account and followng only me (pretty much, she follows some stupid spam weird accounts and weirdly one of my friends...), never tweeting. She will do absolutely nothing for me either. I needed to drop something into my social worker's office which is literally behind her kids' school, about a minute away tops. But she wouldn't do that, I had to get the bus myself and go out of my way to do it! Just simple things like that -_-

She is one of those people who you can never do right, either way. For example, if there's a period where we're all busy and things just clash and I don't see my friends much, she goes on about worrying I'm not socialising. If I stay out too late or have "too many" people over ("too many" being like 3 at a time), that's also wrong...

So i can empathise if not help haha!

I know, they give you no responcibility, treat you like your 6 years old no matter what you do to show them, please them, their never happy! She complains I take no responcibility but when I go to apply for a job and get my license she freaks out that I won't try in school. Your not going to pass your permit, oh you did your not going to pass your drivers test, oh you did, you can't drive any of our cars, oh crap your buying your own car, well you can't drive more than 10 minutes away and call every 20 minutes to make sure your okay. Oh and by the way you can't drive at night. sigh.


You said that you've had arguments and fights with your parents about this in the past -- have you tried having more of a grown-up conversation with them about it? A lot of the emphasis seems to be on your mom rather than your dad, can you talk to your dad about this? He may understand. There is an old saying that goes: "You will catch more flies with honey than you will with vinegar." Which means, if you want something, you will have an easier time achieving it if you are calm, collected, and sweet, rather than upset, angry, and bitter.

My dad just repeats what ever my mom says to make her happy. He puts no thought into anything he says. He'll say I can do something, mom comes in the room and says absolutely not. Dad then says "oh yeah Ben what was I thinking". My dad never sticks up for me. It's all a game to him. He could care less about me. I try to talk to him and he just says the same thing like a Brocken record over and over again. You don't show any responcibility so we won't give you any freedom. I can't show you responcibility because you won't let me do anything haha! It's slowsly but surely getting better though. Eventually I will move out and I feel that is the only way it will end. I have to ignore it for now, not take it personal. It's my moms problem of not wanting me to grow up not mine. Not going to think I'm a no good bum who doesn't help around the house.

Thanks for the stories guys! Looks like I'm not the only one.

[Drummer Ben]

Well, just broke a few dishes and glasses out of frustration. I'm buying my first car and of coarse my mom has to be involved with every aspect of it. It drives me crazy. To the point where she freaks out when I'm about to make a purchase. Calling me an idiot, saying oh your never going to get this car, he's going to screw you over. I show her one thing about the car and she freaks out saying why are you buying that car bladdanblada. She wants me to get a "practical" car that she can control. I'm fighting for this beautiful classic car I found. She can't stand I'm buying a car with my own money. She's making it as hard as possible to buy this car. Even going as far as threatening to call the owner to tell him I''m an irresponsible teen. I'm 18 for crying out loud and I need a car to go to college and my job. Please somebody help me control my anger. I don't know why I let her bother me but it just does. I always end up breaking something after telling her to stop multiple times. I hate get so angry and acting like a two year old, breaking things. She won't leave me alone when I tell her to go away. I take that as deep disrespect that she thinks I won't be able to handle my own situations. I know how to handle myself in the world. I know how to buy a used car. She thinks I'm some stupid teenager. I now how to get around and she can't stand how independent I am. She tries to make it seem like I'm a failure when it's really her who's trying to control me. When it's out of her control she freaks. Can anyone give me some advice on how to ignore her when she literally follows me into different rooms to get her point across. It's quite ridiculous, I'm sick of it. Can't move out for a good 2-3 years.

Yes I do try to have a mature conversation with her but she just blocks her ears like a little two year old. Honestly I feel I'm being the mature one. My mom needs to stop thinking she's god and let me live my life. How else am I going to learn, how else am I going to get life experience if I don't figure things out on my own. Get out and be independent. She wants to spoon feed me for the rest of my life and when I refuse she freaks almost taking that as disrespect. I have no idea and I ask her why she does this. She won't tell me. She refuses to talk to me about her reasons just excuses on how horrible I am. She doesn't like how I think outside the box. I am the opposite of practical. I take everything to the extreme and I'm proud of it. My motto is all or nothing. You know I want this car to be mine not hers. It was my idea, I payed for it with my own money and it has nothing to do with her. Why is she trying to make it her thing? Hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess.

[Drummer Ben]

Bump!

[Straya]

Well, just broke a few dishes and glasses out of frustration. I'm buying my first car and of coarse my mom has to be involved with every aspect of it. It drives me crazy. To the point where she freaks out when I'm about to make a purchase. Calling me an idiot, saying oh your never going to get this car, he's going to screw you over. I show her one thing about the car and she freaks out saying why are you buying that car bladdanblada. She wants me to get a "practical" car that she can control. I'm fighting for this beautiful classic car I found. She can't stand I'm buying a car with my own money. She's making it as hard as possible to buy this car. Even going as far as threatening to call the owner to tell him I''m an irresponsible teen. I'm 18 for crying out loud and I need a car to go to college and my job. Please somebody help me control my anger. I don't know why I let her bother me but it just does. I always end up breaking something after telling her to stop multiple times. I hate get so angry and acting like a two year old, breaking things. She won't leave me alone when I tell her to go away. I take that as deep disrespect that she thinks I won't be able to handle my own situations. I know how to handle myself in the world. I know how to buy a used car. She thinks I'm some stupid teenager. I now how to get around and she can't stand how independent I am. She tries to make it seem like I'm a failure when it's really her who's trying to control me. When it's out of her control she freaks. Can anyone give me some advice on how to ignore her when she literally follows me into different rooms to get her point across. It's quite ridiculous, I'm sick of it. Can't move out for a good 2-3 years.

Yes I do try to have a mature conversation with her but she just blocks her ears like a little two year old. Honestly I feel I'm being the mature one. My mom needs to stop thinking she's god and let me live my life. How else am I going to learn, how else am I going to get life experience if I don't figure things out on my own. Get out and be independent. She wants to spoon feed me for the rest of my life and when I refuse she freaks almost taking that as disrespect. I have no idea and I ask her why she does this. She won't tell me. She refuses to talk to me about her reasons just excuses on how horrible I am. She doesn't like how I think outside the box. I am the opposite of practical. I take everything to the extreme and I'm proud of it. My motto is all or nothing. You know I want this car to be mine not hers. It was my idea, I payed for it with my own money and it has nothing to do with her. Why is she trying to make it her thing? Hey, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess.

your first mistake showing her a car you wanna buy. your buying it with your own money just do all the organizing yourself and then turn up one day with the car you want that way shes not gonna get in the way of you buying the car is she

[Drummer Ben]

Your right it is my fault. As much I would like her to be a part of my life if she can't handle it, that's how it'll have to be. Have to learn that some things are better left unknown in her sake.

[Straya]

yea you dont have to tell her everything for her to be a part of your life i tell my mum less than half the things i do in my life and if i know she wont like someting i dont tell her. keeps her happy and me happy cause i dont have her stressing and telling me not to do things

[Josh75]

I empathize with you, it's a terrible spot you're in. You have to make yourself an exit plan, think it thru carefully. Then map out the steps you have to take to carry out your plan. You can do it, you have to be determined. I don't know if you're in a small town or a city. If you've saved up the money for a car, find a way to get to the place & buy one, but before you buy, make sure you have a mechanic check it over to be sure you won't have expensive repairs. Get a job so you can support yourself and afford some sort of apartment. Then make your move. I hope I thought of everything, but think it thru carefully.

Good luck, sounds like hell there.

[JamesSuperBoy]

Yes Mothers do that but try not have arguments and fights maybe this needs small steps in the right direction.

[tasminsmith]

I couldn't cope lmao, not to be offensive but I would tell her to go fuck herself

[CuteGuy889]

They do these with good intentions...Mostly these moms do not get that their little son is growing up....I'm 1000% sure my mom didn't want to show me in my briefs to the whole bunch of ppl in the party whn she used to take my pants off while asleep...she just considered me a little boy (despite being 14) and wanted me to sleep comfortably without my rough jeans...And at home she wanted me to sleep nude rather than in dirty undies..she kept the door open just to keep an eye on me...its my 3 cousins' curiosity (as girls) that they ran into the room and found me sleeping in the buff....