AmericanCossack
January 11th, 2015, 11:25 PM
Let me start from the beginning. My first romantic experiences, if you can call them that, involved a girl whom we shall call Erika. She is hardly worth mentioning; what we had was textbook puppy love. It lasted a few weeks and it was during the first stages of Primary School. The only really memorable thing about the whole affair is that we were nearly expelled, since even the appearance of kissing was verboten. We still attended the same schools for several years after without even the hint of a second relationship; that ship has sailed and shall never see these shores again. After that, I wasn't really interested in relationships for some time- are most Primary Schoolers?-, up until I was tested for Giftedness. I am indeed Gifted, and the school district decided I would do better elsewhere. I attended a succession of schools- perhaps four in a year- to see which one might be the best. In one, which I only attended for at most six months, I met someone whom I shall call Summer. In that short time, we became instant friends of the deepest sort. By the time I was forced to leave that school, we were either the closest of friends or undeclared lovers. We shared clothes, we walked together- sometimes with hands intertwined. We monopolized each other’s time. However, she didn't have a cellphone nor an email address, and for that matter neither did I. We didn't get to stay in touch when the district decided I had been better off at my original school... we saw each other once more a few years later, and it was a joyous reunion. In that euphoria, we once again neglected to make plans to stay in touch, and I certainly regret that even now. I never knew Summer's surname and much the same reverse, so the chances of us ever seeing each other again are basically null. Soon enough after that, my grandfather became ill and passed away. My family collectively decided to sell off our many houses and move into a single new building, several towns away. Here, then, I met a few people I had passing interests in. Only one bears mention, however. I shall call her Rin. She had been held back a year and was thus slightly older than me. We liked each other for a long time, that much was certain. Only in the final three months of my time at that school did we really notice, though. One of our mutual classmates demanded to know 'Which one of us do you like more, me or Rin? Be honest.'. I had to be honest- I had no interest in this classmate at all, and I feel sorry for whomever she had interest in. Rin, of course, blushed and tried to act like it was impossible anyone could like her. I corrected that assumption... however, it was not to be. Her family wanted her to take online classes rather than continuing in the public system. Her family were also Jehovah's Witnesses, so that put our chances of keeping in touch down to null. However, we cared enough to try. We both swore to meet at that school after we had graduated. I went dozens of times, but could never find her. .. I was pretty sad about the course of things during Ninth Grade. In the end, I managed to get over it. I became affiliated with a circle of friends which would later disband as many of them transferred. However, one, whom I shall call Svetlana, became my best friend. She was an all and out weirdo, and there wasn't much to draw us together. Still, we were an instant hit, and that summer we made plans to get together and go hiking. I mustered my courage and decided that I would ask her out on the same day- let me add, that would have been my first time asking anyone out. That was the day her grandmother was hospitalized with an incurable cancer (Thence cured, let me add). I couldn't be angry over that, of course, no way! We still remained best friends. Soon after school restarted, however, and before I could properly compose myself... she started dating someone else, whom I shall call Gwen. Gwen, of course, was instantly fishy about us. Being best friends, it wasn't unusual for us to be together, and a few times Gwen thought we were kissing. I think, probably, she was close to killing me back then. However, I love Svetlana. I would never do anything to jeopardize her happiness, so I would never have considered butting into her relationship with Gwen. Instead, I became friends with Gwen. At the same time, I became friends with two others- Laura and Biera. Laura became a great friend, nothing more, and we got along famously. Biera was initially skeptical of me but had to learn to accept me because she was good friends with Gwen and Svetlana. Me, Biera, Svetlana, and Gwen became known as the Four Musketeers around school because we did everything together. Everything. However, at some junction Gwen and Svetlana broke up. Svetlana had become emotionally unstable because of her family's issues- we did our best for her, and in the end she calmed down. I decided not to endanger it by asking her out as I had intended so many months before- but in the stress of finals, I cracked and confessed. She was confused, and I think on the cusp of accepting. She asked to be given some time, which I obliged. The next day, she refused but pleaded that we remain friends. I of course accepted, and apologized profusely. We remained best friends despite everything. Early the next year, she began dating a third party- female- on the insistence of her mother. Gwen had, all this time, wished to get back with her. We became much closer due to our conflicting but equal goals... I stopped accepting Gwen and started loving her, just as much as I love Svetlana if not in the end more. I know it seems wrong to love multiple people, but the issue is that I can't tell how I love them- do I see them as close friends and siblings or something more? I still don't know. In the end, I confessed to Gwen too. She said that Svetlana was still in her heart, but that if she ever got over her she would certainly be willing to date me. Soon after that, I presented a proposal to them: Platonic Commune, that we should stay together through school and beyond. To my surprise, they had both been intending to suggest the same thing. I was overjoyed, the happiest I have ever been. A few months later, however, they ended up dating again. It... felt odd for me. I was and am happy for them, but also intensely jealous of both. Further, it worries me- picture a plate with three equally sized bearings arranged on it in a triangle, the entire thing balanced perfectly on a nail. If you move two of them together, the entire thing will fall- unless a fourth bearing is added or the third bearing is also moved to touch the first two. So is it with our relationship in my mind, tottering on the edge of ruin. I certainly don't want to hurt either of them, though... Staying with them as we all intend is my utmost goal, but I doubt maintaining celibacy is the proper method- and it feels unfair. I see, then, two possible outs, as already explained- either their couple becomes our triple, or the Commune grows by one. Both are technically possible. The first... well. During a recent school ball, Svetlana was sick so Gwen invited me. However, Svetlana recovered just in time. The ball organizer, thankfully, agreed to let us attend together. It was an amazing time- we traded partners freely and even tried to waltz as a group of three, which didn't quite work. However, it proved that we can get along as three equals. The issue with the idea is their acceptance... It's not exactly a widely practiced idea, and I'm not totally and utterly sure whether their feelings mirror mine. A few days ago, Svetlana took her leave with 'I love you, Gwen! I... kinda like you, *blush* Tom! Bye!'. I'm unsure if she meant that as a sign that we're no longer such close friends or if she meant it as she sort of loves me too, or even that she simply loves me and doesn't want Gwen to worry. Confessing to either of them was heartwrenching... Confessing to both seems nigh-on impossible. I seriously don't know what to do if I pursue that route. However, the other option feels wrong, like I'm cheating on them. I'm not entirely sure who I or they would accept, either... There are three major choices, on the assumption I'll never seen Summer or Rin again. Laura and I still get along quite well, so it's possible there is an option there. I had a crush on a girl whom I shall call Brittania in freshmen year since she's the cutest person I've ever seen (I'm in an extreme minority with that opinion, mind.), but dating someone based on appearance goes against my morals. Her personality is lovable, too, though. There are issues... She loves or until recently loved one of our mutual friends, even though he rejected her outright. I don't know how she would react to me asking her out because of that. By the way, that same friend might have stolen my first proper kiss, but he's not really in the running :P. Other than them, the only person I could even really picture myself with is one whom I shall call Tenshi. She's sort of fragile and allergic to tonnes of things, which makes her a good match for my cooking. She's a decent person too, but I know her far less than anyone else mentioned here, so I'm unsure if I should even consider pursuing a relationship with her.
Does anyone have any serious advice? I know my situation is pretty weird...
Does anyone have any serious advice? I know my situation is pretty weird...