pen_name
January 7th, 2015, 01:10 AM
Just a heads up this is a massive fucking rant containing crude language and is extremely poorly written. I'm a grammar nazi at heart but rn i dont give a shit and topics will interject at the most random times.
I'm so fucking done with school. I have no motivation to do any of my work anymore. I have a GPA north of a 3.9 but I can't bring myself to do anything. I'm a good looking and fit kid but ive always been an introvert. The shit hit the fan when i got caught by the police with marijuana about a month ago. I'm 16 years old and i smoked weed pretty consistently (atleast once every week). Soon after the incident I quit the crosscountry/track team at my school. I'm now going to a therapist every week now. I've slipped into a pit of despair. Sometimes i feel depressed as shit resulting in me crying uncontrollably. Other times i just feel that I dont give a flying fuck about anything. I feel that i dont want to try anymore in making an effort in my schoolwork. I want to study Psychopharmocology in college. I like drugs, ive done a very wide array of them. And please refrain from saying that the drugs have made me unstable. Ive been stressed my entire life and i finally hit the fucking breaking point. I got so fucking pissed off that i punched a framed picture in my room just so i could use the glass to cut myself. Ive never thought about cutting myself and for the longest time thought it was largely an attention gimmick. I now have a gory, bloody, fucked up looking left arm now. I cut myself 8 god damn times all in horizontal fashion. Sometimes i think about going to a nearby railroad and wait on the tracks for a fucking freighter to plow into me. I have an amazingly supportive family and money is not an object when it comes to my health yet this makes me feel worse. I'm going off the deep end. School needs to just fuck off. ive starting smoking cigarettes now which i had previously resented because they have taken a grandfather away from me and will inevitably take my father's life as well. I have so much more but i can barely keep my head straight so i will leave you with this: I feel really shitty rn.
I'm so fucking done with school. I have no motivation to do any of my work anymore. I have a GPA north of a 3.9 but I can't bring myself to do anything. I'm a good looking and fit kid but ive always been an introvert. The shit hit the fan when i got caught by the police with marijuana about a month ago. I'm 16 years old and i smoked weed pretty consistently (atleast once every week). Soon after the incident I quit the crosscountry/track team at my school. I'm now going to a therapist every week now. I've slipped into a pit of despair. Sometimes i feel depressed as shit resulting in me crying uncontrollably. Other times i just feel that I dont give a flying fuck about anything. I feel that i dont want to try anymore in making an effort in my schoolwork. I want to study Psychopharmocology in college. I like drugs, ive done a very wide array of them. And please refrain from saying that the drugs have made me unstable. Ive been stressed my entire life and i finally hit the fucking breaking point. I got so fucking pissed off that i punched a framed picture in my room just so i could use the glass to cut myself. Ive never thought about cutting myself and for the longest time thought it was largely an attention gimmick. I now have a gory, bloody, fucked up looking left arm now. I cut myself 8 god damn times all in horizontal fashion. Sometimes i think about going to a nearby railroad and wait on the tracks for a fucking freighter to plow into me. I have an amazingly supportive family and money is not an object when it comes to my health yet this makes me feel worse. I'm going off the deep end. School needs to just fuck off. ive starting smoking cigarettes now which i had previously resented because they have taken a grandfather away from me and will inevitably take my father's life as well. I have so much more but i can barely keep my head straight so i will leave you with this: I feel really shitty rn.