Celtics
December 30th, 2014, 02:41 AM
So in the last month, life has gotten so shittier, and something "i put away" has came back out. I don't like this version of me, and I don't trust it. I don't know what to do, I will flip out right now for the littlest things, and then just not give a fuck no matter what. I am a christian, but when I get like this, I go closer to satan than God. I loose my faith, blame God for everything, and just want to kill my self and that is all I think about. Life was doing so much better and then one day everything change. I sound like such a bitch for posting this, but I have to get this out. I honestly don't trust myself around anyone, and I can't talk to anyone because all my parents say is "only you can make myself happy" "its your choice to be like this" LIKE WHY IN THE HELL WOULD I WANT TO BE LIKE THIS. WHO WOULD WANT TO FEEL THIS SHITTY ABOUT YOURSELF, I CANT MAKE MYSELF HAPPY, IVE TRIED AND JUST CANT. I lost all my friends, all my happiness, all my faith, all my goals, everything is gone. I just want to shoot myself or drown and go to hell where I belong, no one could forgive me for the shit I have done.