Urge to cut

[mai-rin]

I haven't cut since the 1st of october, but the urge is only getting more intense.I don't feel suicidal currently.What scares me is I feel calm, but all I can think about is hurting myself.I don't know when I started, but it was the only thing that made me feel in control.

I was sexually abused when I was younger by my brothers friend and it's left me a wreck.I've been admitted to a psychiatric hospital twice, once in november 2012 and october this year.I just go into dark hole and I cant dig my way out.

My parents go 'mental' when I cut and search my room, which I understand in some ways.But It doesnt help when they get angry about it.I'm a royal marine cadet so I have to handle guns and things ;so my colour sgt obviously makes it his business to know how we all 'are'.He is worried about letting me go into the next troop up at training camps because of my down days.I know that I will be fine though, I know that when I am in uniform and in control of a gun I have to keep myself in check.If I cut he'll think i'm going down hill again.I'm currently trying to prove myself to him.At the same time though I really 'want' to do it, not for the blood.Just the pain and the control element.I know i'm wrong for doing it, but it's hard not to - i'm struggling to control my urge.

I just need some advice and reassurance~

[xoraphox]

Try to put a rubber band on your wrist and when you feel the urge, just slap it.. It's not the same feeling but it works if you want pain. It's really less lethal than cutting. Or else, try to do the butterfly project, or anything to stop self-harm. Maybe try to go talk to your sgt and tell him seriously that you do your best.. i wish you luck.

[qwfoi]

I understand you situation as an ex-army cadet; I know that staff sergeant's have to make sure of that. Try the rubber band thing that xoraphox was on about and then maybe take it one step further. Try to think about something different and maybe the urges will pass as your mind is preoccupied on other things. Some things that you can do to resist the urge are call a friend and talk about something completely different.
take a shower (make sure you don't have razors in the shower)
go for a walk or run, take a bike ride, dance like crazy, or get some other form of exercise.
play with a pet. If you don't have a pet then get something like a hamster because they're so cute and distract the mind from bad thoughts. Hope this helped.