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[AdolescentBoyBlue]

I've been depressed since 6th grade. When my family found out I was depressed I was in 11th grade. They said it was just a phase even after all the therapy and the hospital incident. After that they thought since I'm out of the hospital I must be fine. Never true. Every year since the 6th grade it's gotten worse more depression to try and handle. This year I've began feeling a different kind of emptiness. It's like there's this hole in my mind and another in my chest.I feel lIke someone took over my body and all I can do is watch. I don't know who I am.I feel so lost. And even though I have all these friends surrounding me i can't help but feel alone no matter what. I want to make music and write so people can understand what happens in my head. I feel like I have this memessage for the world but I can't give it because itss getting hard for me to think straight,and I've become so unmotivated. To me my family gives me a sensense of being a caged bird. Since they're afraid of losing me they won't let me do what makes me happy.I cant help but feel hollow no matter what. I can't help but ask...what have I become? It wasn't suppose to be this way.I wasn't suppose to be this way.I wasn't suppose to be gay,wasnt suppose to smoke or take psychedelics,I wasn't suppose to be this messed up of a kid who feels like a part of him is missing.all I wanted was that picket fence life. I got left being a misfit. I just wanted to let this out.I didn't post this so people would say oh don't worry it gets better or to get any kind of pity. I've heard it all and from all kinda of people. Everyone always thinks that when someone tells them something they want a response but have you ever just thought that hey i just want someone to listen.

[Wafflenado]

This might sound harsh, but just know I'm coming from a place of compassion.
I do not want you in anyway to take what I'm saying as an attack on you, because that is not my intention whatsoever. From my experience, people sometimes need to hear some tough love to realize that they and only they have complete control of your life, and that they can fix any situation if they want to bad enough.

I'm not going to give you the "it gets better" lecture or anything like that because that's not what you need to hear, and I'm not going to pity you because it sounds like you have enough of that for yourself.

This post makes me so angry, and it's not in anyway because I feel you are being overdramatic or something like that, but because you have given up. Instead of seeking for a solution, you've turned to self-loathing and "why me?" The part I was most enraged by was when you say "I wasn't supposed to...". I don't know if you are religious or not, and in no way do I want to push my beliefs onto you or anything like that, but I believe that God put those challenges before you for a reason. In order to know true joy, we must know true pain, and I believe that you were meant to overcome these obstacles so that you can feel true happiness in life (I'm trying not to sound preachy, so forgive me If I am haha).

Don't get me wrong, I understand that when everything is going bad, that you feel as though your life is meaningless, but you must have hope. In order to be happy, you have to want it. You need to claw your way out of your sadness. There is no such thing as a picket fence life, all of us struggle, some more than others, but regardless we all struggle. If other people can take they're pain and create they're own happiness, so can you. I'm not gonna lie, life doesn't get better for everyone, but only for those who don't make an effort and don't really want a better life.

As long as you strive for your own happiness, everything else will fall into place. Trust me. I'm not saying it's going to get better, I'm saying it can if you try. If you truly want to be happy, you'll be plenty motivated to do so.

I wasn't suppose to be gay.

Now this sent me off the deep end. I'm literally appalled when anyone has been made to feel ashamed of being gay. I could honestly start crying right now because this is unacceptable. How dare they. I say they because you can't be born hating the fact that you are gay, you have to be taught that it's wrong. It is not wrong. I do not ever want to hear you or anyone else be ashamed and depressed because of who they are. It is not a flaw, and don't you ever let anyone tell you any different.

Take control of your life, find your own happiness. you aren't unnoticed. You aren't unloved. You are however a person, and everyone can be happy.

I hope you take something from this. I'll pray for you :) (btw praying is in no way a form of pity, so don't even go there haha)