Help me, please.

[DeadPoteto]

Hello. This is my first time on a forum, so I don't really know how to do this. I don't usually do this sort of thing but I have no idea what to do and I just need some good advice.
So, here's the thing. I'm 18 and single. A little more than a year back I met the guy of my dreams. I fell in love so hard, I couldn't even see the ground below me. We started dating and I was really happy for a very long time. He wasn't the romantic sort, but that never bothered me, I just wanted him for him. I became good friends with his friends and I helped his fried out by introducing him to my friend(let's call her Milla). It didn't work out between them, but we all kind of became a group and we hanged out a lot during the summer. It was a lot of fun, exept for the fact that my boyfriend and Milla started hanging out a lot. When we ere together they'd share food and always be together and afterwards he'd come over to her place and they'd hang out all night ... I was a little jelous, because I was sure of his love. But at the end of the summer he broke up with me and then kissed Milla a day after that. I was heartbroken. I didn't eat or sleep for days, all I did was cry, I was a mess. It hurt worse than I can describe. About a month later his best friend (let's call him Bob) told me that he loved me. I kind of liked him, but I asked my ex before I acted on it (we stayed friends because of the group) and he said it was okay. When he later changed his mind I broke it off, but Bob insisted that we move our relationship slowly and in secret (like my ex and Milla). That was fine, but he became too pushy, started watching while I sleep, getting jelous when I'd talk to guys (even though we weren't together), so I broke it off. I know I hurt him, but I couldn't live like that anymore. It's been 2 moths since I broke it off with Bob and 4 months since my ex dumped me and I'm misreable. I am still very good friens with my ex, he's one of my closest friends and I'm still in love with him. He doesn't know though. Nobody does, I thought that'd be the safeest. But it hurts so bad all the time ... I don't know what to do, I can't go on like this ... It's way too hard ... Can anyone relate?

[ashjk]

Hey there, I can relate to parts of this. From personal experience I am going to tell you that it is really difficult, practically impossible to move on from your ex when you are still friends with him. I know you said, you still love him, but I said 'move on' because it looks like he is already over it, since he is dating your friend. I know it sounds harsh, but right now the best thing would be for you to take a break from being friends with your ex. Trust me, once you are both over the relationship, it won't be hard to reconnect. I am best friends with my ex, but I broke off contact for almost a year.
I know this isn't an easy phase, but things will be fine, I promise. Maybe you could try to take up a hobby to distract yourself from thoughts of your ex. Do something you love. Pamper yourself (I did that a lot :P ) You could join a club/ group at your school or in your city and interact with other people. Make new friends and hang out with them. Meeting new people makes forgetting the past a little easy.
Maybe you could talk to him and tell him you still have feelings for him. This isn't always the best idea. But it's worth a try, sometimes. Since you know him better, ask yourself if it is worth telling him about your feelings for him. How is his relationship with Milla? If they are going strong, then maybe telling him isn't a good idea. But staying friends isn't a good idea, either. Not at this time, atleast. You could tell him you need time to focus on yourself and get over thing, first.

I know this isn't the best idea, but I just went by personal experience. I hope you sort this out and feel better soon. :)

[maniamsmart]

I can relate, because this has happened to me in some way, and I also have experienced this with many other people that I have given advice to. Here's what I think about this though. Even though you love your ex still, I don't think you should let your life and decisions be swayed by him, this isn't very healthy for you, and it's not letting you be happy. In a way, you're letting him control you. He obviously doesn't care enough about you to break up with you when you loved him so dearly and go off with your friend the next day. So why should you let him care about who you are dating.

I think you should either tell him this, and tell him your feelings for him, or be a little stronger and move on with someone else and don't let your ex control him. You meeting Bob was meant to happen to see if you can move past your ex, you obviously can't, but if he doesn't care enough about you to stay with you, then he doesn't have the right to decide who you date or how to live your life. Please be strong, and don't be so dependent on someone who doesn't treat you right, a lot of girls act like that and it hurts them in the end.

Perhaps your ex realized his mistake but now is dating Mila and it's too late. We don't know, I don't think you should hide any of your feelings because that won't let you move forward in life, and that's what life is all about, moving forward.

[DeadPoteto]

I know I should've broken all contacts, but I just don't feel like I can. He's my classmate, the only friend at school that I have (I had a huge fight with all the girls in my class last year because of my ex and now, they won't even talk to me anymore). And I don't think I can face school alone ... I am leaving the country for a month now, so hopefully that will help ... Thank you all for the advice, it kind of helps that I know I'm not alone in this. I'll try to break connections, even though it'll be difficult. I can't guarantee that I'll manage to do that, but I'll try

[Meh Guy]

Pretty much in the same situation as you, switching genders of course. I find that whenever I chill or talk with my ex I feel like it would probably be best to just move on. But whenever I try, I end up missing her a lot and I go back. So if he is a good friend to you, let him know that. Maybe you guys can try again or become a little closer

[maniamsmart]

I know I should've broken all contacts, but I just don't feel like I can. He's my classmate, the only friend at school that I have (I had a huge fight with all the girls in my class last year because of my ex and now, they won't even talk to me anymore). And I don't think I can face school alone ... I am leaving the country for a month now, so hopefully that will help ... Thank you all for the advice, it kind of helps that I know I'm not alone in this. I'll try to break connections, even though it'll be difficult. I can't guarantee that I'll manage to do that, but I'll try

As long as you try that is all that matters, it will take some time so don't worry too much about it. Take it step by step if you need to.

[DeadPoteto]

Pretty much in the same situation as you, switching genders of course. I find that whenever I chill or talk with my ex I feel like it would probably be best to just move on. But whenever I try, I end up missing her a lot and I go back. So if he is a good friend to you, let him know that. Maybe you guys can try again or become a little closer

Sucks, doesn't it. Yeah, he's a really good friend. Maybe even my best friend. I have no idea when it all got so complicated. I want to move on, but at the same time I cant.

[DeadPoteto]

As long as you try that is all that matters, it will take some time so don't worry too much about it. Take it step by step if you need to.

Yeah, I guess that would be the best ... Thanks for the support :)

[maniamsmart]

Yeah, I guess that would be the best ... Thanks for the support :)

No problem, if you have any other questions, we're always here to help :)