I can't stop trying to kill myself or self harm

[Dark_Desires]

I thought i was over self harm been suicidal and everything going to shit.
Well guess what the number one fuck up did it again another failed suicide
attempt (clap clap clap).

Right now i just want to try again i don't want to stop until i'm dead.
I'm sick of feeling any emotions or feelings i'm sick of been in love.
I thought things were finally getting better, I got a job i got back into
study i started making better choices i was more out going and i was
more kind and selfless.

Anyway right now i just want to die, Like i really really want to.
I'm no longer afraid of dying i want it i need it and i can't stop.
I just want to take a lethal dose of my medication right now and cut more
and i wouldn't care nobody could save me or stop me even if they tried.

I have no reason to live i feel worthless i hate myself and i always feel
guilty yet i always try my best to be selfless and make others smile and
laugh.Somehow i believe it my fault for things going to shit again and
that i should die and need to.

I honestly don't know why i'm writing this i guess i just need to vent
some of what i feel right now.Either way i will be in a mental
hospital soon or dead so who cares right?.

[amgb]

Hey Ethan, I know you're in crisis right now and I really hope you can try to be as safe as possible. I understand what you're going through because I've been through it, and I know you don't want to talk to anyone now but at least you're coming here to let out your feelings, and that's really good. I want you to know that I care, even though I'm a stranger and we don't know each other but I really want you to stay strong. You probably don't believe me, but I know you can be strong (which is something everyone probably likes to say). But I know you can be strong for at least a bit longer. I could beg you not to do anything, but I can't stop you even though I want to. But please tell someone if you can, I know that's really difficult but I don't want anything happening to you. If you can't, that's okay. Just Stay safe, please..

[MrIncredible]

Normally sometime when I feel like my whole world is falling apart and I can't do anything right I just sit in a quiet place away from people or in a room that's in the center of two rooms each having people in them and I just sit there trying to bring my breathing down and just relax and I close my eyes and just breathe it really helps I guess it's just that being around other people's energy is just unnerving because a lot of people just hold so much negativity and secrets it's just overwhelming because I can feel all of there emotions and it's manly sometimes negative the solitude and silence really helps

[averygamerdude]

I thought i was over self harm been suicidal and everything going to shit.
Well guess what the number one fuck up did it again another failed suicide
attempt (clap clap clap).

Right now i just want to try again i don't want to stop until i'm dead.
I'm sick of feeling any emotions or feelings i'm sick of been in love.
I thought things were finally getting better, I got a job i got back into
study i started making better choices i was more out going and i was
more kind and selfless.

Anyway right now i just want to die, Like i really really want to.
I'm no longer afraid of dying i want it i need it and i can't stop.
I just want to take a lethal dose of my medication right now and cut more
and i wouldn't care nobody could save me or stop me even if they tried.

I have no reason to live i feel worthless i hate myself and i always feel
guilty yet i always try my best to be selfless and make others smile and
laugh.Somehow i believe it my fault for things going to shit again and
that i should die and need to.

I honestly don't know why i'm writing this i guess i just need to vent
some of what i feel right now.Either way i will be in a mental
hospital soon or dead so who cares right?.

I wish I was dead, too. I wanna give myself so many bullet holes that there'll be no skin left.

[Dark_Desires]

I tried overdosing on a entire vial of Novorapid insulin it failed because i stopped it and apparently 2 weeks worth of medication is not enough to overdose.
So right now i have a entire arm cut up to hell and most likely some damage done by a ton of medication and my best friend wants me to call a Ambulance.

Problem is right now i'm so freaking scared i feel ashamed and awful i'm a horrible person.
Its Christmas and i really tried to off myself and if i didn't stop i would have.
I know i need help most likely but what should i do, do i risk my biggest fear of been locked up in a hospital
or do i just call my mum and ask for her help.
I don't think i'm at any risk of dying now but what should i do?

[Leprous]

I tried overdosing on a entire vial of Novorapid insulin it failed because i stopped it and apparently 2 weeks worth of medication is not enough to overdose.So right now i have a entire arm cut up to hell and most likely some damage done by a ton of medication and my bestfriend wants me to call a Ambulance.

Problem is right now i'm so freaking scared i feel ashamed and awful
i'm a horrible person.Its Christmas and i really tried to off myself and
if i didn't stop i would have.I know i need help most likely but what should
i do, do i risk my biggest fear of been locked up in a hospital or do i just call my mum and ask for her help.I don't think i'm at any risk of dying now
but what should i do?

I suggest just talking to your mom about this, ask her for help. I hope you'll get better.

[amgb]

I tried overdosing on a entire vial of Novorapid insulin it failed because i stopped it and apparently 2 weeks worth of medication is not enough to overdose.So right now i have a entire arm cut up to hell and most likely some damage done by a ton of medication and my bestfriend wants me to call a Ambulance.

Problem is right now i'm so freaking scared i feel ashamed and awful
i'm a horrible person.Its Christmas and i really tried to off myself and
if i didn't stop i would have.I know i need help most likely but what should
i do, do i risk my biggest fear of been locked up in a hospital or do i just call my mum and ask for her help.I don't think i'm at any risk of dying now
but what should i do?

You probably won't believe me when I say this but you're not a horrible person, I know you're scared and ashamed, but I'm relieved to hear your best friend is there for you. If you feel comfortable then I think you should tell your friend how you feel, if you don't then that's okay too. I think you should at least tell your mum what you're going through now so she knows, and so she can try to help you, but I do know that's not going to be easy. I just don't want you going through this alone.

[Dark_Desires]

Well i sent my mum a message Christmas morning telling her everything so
even if i didn't tell her in person i would still be forced to tell her either way.
I woke up at my Boss/Friend messaged me and invited me to a Christmas party
which i went to and i tried calling my mum to tell her were i went but she didn't answer.

So i went to the party and half way through the police showed up...
My mother got home a hour after i left and read the message and freaked out then
called the police.She then found my blades and looked through my facebook account
and found out were i went.So half way through the Christmas gathering with my Boss/Friends family
The police show up to take me away but they ended up calling my mum so i didn't have to leave and then i talked to her on the phone.
So they almost had a helicopter called to look for me and they thought i had either killed myself or i was collapsed somewhere.

So after all this my mum and i talked about things a bit and i told her everything and
showed her my wrists.Both my Boss/Friend and my uncle and grandmother found out what i did but they haven't said anything.

The past few days since Christmas have just been a blur.Every thought in my head
hurts and when it doesn't all hurt i'm either thinking about both attempts or i'm numb and cold inside.
I kinda wish i didn't save myself and just died it would have been so much easier and i wouldn't have to feel these emotions or feelings.

Maybe i will find a reason to live or maybe i won't and just try to kill myself again who knows right now.
Its a struggle to type any of this out right now but i feel like i should so yeah.Thank you redsalt for caring and everyone else for replying.

[amgb]

I hope you find that reason to live Ethan, I really hope you do. Yeah I know it's a tough struggle..everyone has their struggles, but not everyone rises above it and I know you will be able to rise above yours : ) I wish I could help everyone with their struggles, and I'm trying to. So Pop me an email if you ever need to talk, yeah? Hope you're feeling at least a little better~

[Dark_Desires]

Well i'm back and suicidal again and this time i have more of a reason to die.
I don't care anymore i pushed everyone away i lost the only person i care about
in this world and i just don't care fuck my friends and all the lies and using.
I am done i'm ready to die and that's what i am going to do.
Thank you for trying to help redsalt and everyone else but i'm over this
Goodbye VT and every person i new and hated i'm done.

[amgb]

I sent you an email please read it and give yourself a chance to live Ethan..