Gumleaf
December 21st, 2014, 05:23 AM
It's at times like this that I know it's a battle. I thought I was on top of the battle, but I've come crashing back down to earth tonight. Why? Well it's the simplest of things really. Apart from ongoing anxiety and previous issues with depression that is much improved now, I have issues with self worth and acceptance etc. For the last couple of months, things have been much better. I have had a wonderful church small group of people who have been inclusive of me and great. Sitting with me in church, talking to me and just being friendly. I know today is just one day and tonight one night. But it was like I've gone back to how things used to be when I was feeling all alone in church tonight. At first sitting alone didn't bother me, but afterwards when I realised a good number of my friends were there and nobody wanted to sit next to me starts to bring all this doubt back again. Even worse, none of them talked to me afterwards either. I hate it, I hate being me and I hate that my self worth can be so easily shattered. It's like starting from scratch again for me now. It's so stupid! I'm dreading new years. So far I'm doing nothing and I'm terrified it's going to stay that way and I'll have a full blown meltdown like I did last year. I suck!