Purging my Stresses

[SwegMachine]

This isn't really a "Mental Crisis" type-thing, and I'm only putting it here for lack of a fitting venue.

Where to start...

I am what most people would call a "fuck up". While I have a few good things going for me, sharp memory, very intelligent, I am riddled with horrible traits. When I'm not overwhelmed by extreme-[insert any emotion here], I 'relax' in a lonely meloncholy. When not depressed, I am as anxious as a Republican in San Francisco. I am awkward around nearly anyone, and I long for the smooth social skills others possess. I used to cut, but I have abstained for 2 years. I'm not in a relationship, to my disadvantage, as my 2/3 Friends (Like a fake friend, but with some sort of connection) poke fun at me about it constantly, despite their relationship statuses being no different. I know that they are being friendly, but I hate it. There's some sort of disconnect. I plead with the universe for connection with other people, but I cannot maintain nor facilitate a connection. This is part of why I am always so lonely and sad. Everyone else seems to have already "handed in their assignment" so-to-speak; they've done all the work, and now have it going for them. They have love, lots of friends a good family, etc. I know the grass isn't exactly as green as it looks from my side of the fence, but it is still much greener than that of my lawn. In my world, you name it, someone else has got it. I try to tell people of my problems, but it seems they don't take it to heart. I am at a point in my life where these things really matter, and if I'm not feeling 100%, the stress will seriously affect my future. I can't sleep some nights, with the anxiety and whatnot from all this stuff weighing down on me. I cannot fall asleep without Melatonin, and a lot of it too. 6 to 10 mg a night. High blood pressure, racing heartbeat, are a hallmark of my existence. I don't know what to feel anymore. I don't know who I am anymore. I just go through life like a slave-robot, only doing what I must to get by. I don't even know what I'm trying to say with this. I guess I'm just clearing off my chest.

Do you guys have any suggestions on how to just relax and feel more in-the-moment? I'm so preoccupied with my anxieties that its like I'm daydreaming or staring off into space while other people are attentive.

[Thunderstorm]

My best advice to you is to not think about things. As general as that sounds, it may be your cure. It seems like you overthink things a lot and then you get so worked up over them. First off, you shouldn't think about things when you fall asleep. I know when I think about things at bedtime, I can never get to sleep. So what I do is clear my mind and just count numbers or sing a song. Eventually, you will get to sleep, I assure you. You won't be thinking about all the stress.
You never mentioned any hobbies- do you have any? Do you like to listen or write music? Do you like to bike ride? Video games? If you have something that you absolutely love, then use that. Even if you aren't a writer, I would suggest writing everything on a piece of paper that stresses you out. Then create artwork out of that. Find something to channel that stress, anxiety and loneliness, whether it be writing, reading, music or gaming. Good luck and if you need any help, feel free to message me.

[MasterOfPuppets]

You should not just get by, you should be trying. I'm not saying you need to socialize if you don't want to, but just don't let yourself be depressed or sad or angry. I feel like you can fight but you just don't want it that bad. Focus on future, on what you want to do with your life, and work until you get to that place. If there is nothing that keeps you going, find something. If not for you, do that for people around you or do that for every person who's going trough rough times like you. Show the world how tough you are.