queenofcontrariety
December 17th, 2014, 08:40 PM
Oh gosh is this going to be another of Haley's famous "should I text" threads...
*Drum roll please*
The answer.............. Kinda
Please note this may get long and boring so I'll try to make this as entertaining as I can.
So in the last couple weeks I've been getting a ton of apologies, a very weird thing for me. The first apologized for abandoning me and then stopped talking to me after like a week and after bailing on plans we'd made. A former non-official LDR texted me saying he'd lost my info for a while and missed me, he spoke to me for a whole 2 days before understandably preparing for finals, he has not spoken to me since.
I already have serious abandonment issues and kinda cling to people while I have them because I know for a fact they'll leave, everyone has and most people will as I continue with my life.
Who's ready for a flashback?
Last January my best friends set me up with a friend of hers, things where great and I really liked him. He had just gotten out of a really long relationship so he was all vurnerable and shit and pushed me away. Fine, no biggy, he then gave my number to a friend of his who I then became pretty good friends with. Somewhere along the line my number was given to a third guy. I was depressed and stupid and actually spoke to him, big mistake but I won't go into that.
Now back to the present, my ex texted me a week and a half ago apologizing and god have I missed him. This is the one who took me out and then got the ticket and had to bring me home an hour later... yeah, not his finest moment. He suffered a serious concussion and gained a little weight and losing his car (all he really had) is weighing on him. He's still really upset about it and still has serious issues from the concussion so I try to be there for him. Sunday night I just crashed, went to bed at like 8, sent a good night text and that was it til I woke up at 11:30 to 2 texts from him. The first was a good night text with a kissy face and the second was a collage of him and the girl he dated for 18 months with the message being "look at how slim I was". I flipped out. I was tired and moody and had my own body image issues. After sending a short snippy text I sent a long apology, outlining everything I dealt with that night, minor suicidal urges and self harm urges, crying myself to sleep, etc. I wasn't that upfront about it. And then said if he wants to change he can but I like him just how he is aslong as he's happy. He didn't respond.
The next night I send a simple text at 10, "Hey, just wanted to say good night, hope all is swell"
He responds at 12:05, "I just didn't know what to say"
I wake up in the middle of the night and just send any old response.
Noon, he texts me and we have like a half hour conversation.
Things don't feel the same, its barely been 36 hours since we've spoken but I feel like we haven't had a real conversation and I feel like I'm always the one reaching out. This is why I hate doing this. I know everyone always tells me to reach out, but I just feel so shitty when I get no response. Any ideas as to what to do? We did talk about being a bit of a secret relationship for a while and he's the closest thing to what I want that I've ever found and I don't want to lose him all over again...
*Drum roll please*
The answer.............. Kinda
Please note this may get long and boring so I'll try to make this as entertaining as I can.
So in the last couple weeks I've been getting a ton of apologies, a very weird thing for me. The first apologized for abandoning me and then stopped talking to me after like a week and after bailing on plans we'd made. A former non-official LDR texted me saying he'd lost my info for a while and missed me, he spoke to me for a whole 2 days before understandably preparing for finals, he has not spoken to me since.
I already have serious abandonment issues and kinda cling to people while I have them because I know for a fact they'll leave, everyone has and most people will as I continue with my life.
Who's ready for a flashback?
Last January my best friends set me up with a friend of hers, things where great and I really liked him. He had just gotten out of a really long relationship so he was all vurnerable and shit and pushed me away. Fine, no biggy, he then gave my number to a friend of his who I then became pretty good friends with. Somewhere along the line my number was given to a third guy. I was depressed and stupid and actually spoke to him, big mistake but I won't go into that.
Now back to the present, my ex texted me a week and a half ago apologizing and god have I missed him. This is the one who took me out and then got the ticket and had to bring me home an hour later... yeah, not his finest moment. He suffered a serious concussion and gained a little weight and losing his car (all he really had) is weighing on him. He's still really upset about it and still has serious issues from the concussion so I try to be there for him. Sunday night I just crashed, went to bed at like 8, sent a good night text and that was it til I woke up at 11:30 to 2 texts from him. The first was a good night text with a kissy face and the second was a collage of him and the girl he dated for 18 months with the message being "look at how slim I was". I flipped out. I was tired and moody and had my own body image issues. After sending a short snippy text I sent a long apology, outlining everything I dealt with that night, minor suicidal urges and self harm urges, crying myself to sleep, etc. I wasn't that upfront about it. And then said if he wants to change he can but I like him just how he is aslong as he's happy. He didn't respond.
The next night I send a simple text at 10, "Hey, just wanted to say good night, hope all is swell"
He responds at 12:05, "I just didn't know what to say"
I wake up in the middle of the night and just send any old response.
Noon, he texts me and we have like a half hour conversation.
Things don't feel the same, its barely been 36 hours since we've spoken but I feel like we haven't had a real conversation and I feel like I'm always the one reaching out. This is why I hate doing this. I know everyone always tells me to reach out, but I just feel so shitty when I get no response. Any ideas as to what to do? We did talk about being a bit of a secret relationship for a while and he's the closest thing to what I want that I've ever found and I don't want to lose him all over again...