Loneliness and unhappiness accumulated in school

[nowherewego]

Hi everyone! :)

I need your opinion and advice if possible I'm in senior year of high school. I am shy and introvert. I have no friends, I had some back in middle and primary school, I also was the "fulfilling friend" to someone all middle school long. There are only three people in my class whom I talk to quite regularly and openly. We laugh, we talk, we hang out together only at school. Otherwise, the rest of the class likes me. They tell me I'm nice, kind and intelligent. As I laugh pretty easily, they often come at me to tell me jokes. When they talk a bit with me, I don't really know how to answer but I still do. But I don't feel like they want to hang with me. I doubt they're waiting for me to come to them as they know how shy I am, I've known them for more than a year now. I am not so well integrated to the class. Last time we were discussing the fact why one of our classmate wasn't like by the entire class, they said she was the only one not integrated. I am more than her, yes, but I'm still very very shy talking to all of the other people in my class. Can't they see? Each week, when asking about what we've done during the weekend I always say nothing. Because I don't do anything on weekends. I have no friends to go out with! Don't they understand? I have an example of feeling rejected: me and two of my friends (don't know if I should call them that still) we discussing eating plans. One said she was going to eat at a guy's home and the other said she was going to eat outside with another guy. I heard them because I was next to one of her. I felt pretty bad: ending up alone as usual. I just feel like a ghost in class by all of the other people. if they need me they'll talk to me, if they're in a good mood they'll tell me a good joke, otherwise they ignore me. I'm never the one people want to have serious conversations with. These I understand I should make the first step but I feel worthless. I know I've often been alone, but it doesn't mean I enjoy it. I remain unnoticed. I've had a rough month, feeling very lonely and overwhelmed by my family problems (no one to talk about it with) , but no one noticed that I'm in total despair. I wish I was able to break own in front of them all so that they would finally see my pain. I'm so used to answering "I'm fine thanks and you?" but people don't care. Don't they see I'm hiding so much behind my constant laughters in class? I am so tired, I feel so unhappy.

Does anyone else feel that way? What should I do?
I am sorry for writing such a long post. I'm new on here so I apologize if I did anything wrong.

[audiophile5]

I feel exactly the same way... There are a couple of people I get along with well at school, but when it comes to doing something outside the school, they'll always choose someone else... And it's so frustrating sometimes... But I guess there's not much I can do.

[maniamsmart]

I can understand how you feel, not only through personal experience in your shoes but also through others. But to be very honest with you, you are kind of doing this to yourself. I've seen many people do this to themselves, and they just don't realize it, or want to realize it.

I understand that you are shy, and like to be alone sometimes, but also want to be noticed and made important to others, but in all honesty, if you don't really open up to people they won't really have a reason to care. I will tell you now, that if a person doesn't open to me, I am not really gonna talk to them that much, because they seem to be doing their own thing, and seem to be fine on their own. Sure, maybe they are keeping it in, but those who respect people's feelings and personal space are not going to force the answers or feelings out of you.

I'd say that you should perhaps talk to one of your closer friends about how you feel and release your emotions. Most people who want to be good friends will be good friends and will be there to listen, to help, and to be a friend. One of my friends felt the same way you felt, and I told her to tell her friends how she feels, and ever since them they have all become closer.

I am sorry if this came off as harsh or rude, but I just want to try and help you understand that in order for people to care about you, you are going to need to be a bit more open.

[Dortmund]

I agree with what Damien said above. It's all about your own personal perspective. Things aren't going to change if you don't make them.

I used to be the same up until I was 16. I rarely met people out of classes and that dawned on me. I was shy like you but I realised I had to at least appear confident at first if I was going to help myself.

Just at first making small conversation with other people in your class can build up friendships. As you talk to a person more you're more confident around them. Even with these two friends you have now you could always ask if they want to go to the cinema or hang out somewhere at a weekend where they are free.

As for your emotions people aren't going to force them out of you if they don't know you. They aren't going to feel comfortable with that. If you open up to people it becomes easier. It takes a weight off of your shoulders and people will realise that you're not just a person who keeps everything to themselves. If you don't give people and opportunity to help you then it simply won't happen.

[maniamsmart]

I agree with what Damien said above. It's all about your own personal perspective. Things aren't going to change if you don't make them.

I used to be the same up until I was 16. I rarely met people out of classes and that dawned on me. I was shy like you but I realised I had to at least appear confident at first if I was going to help myself.

Just at first making small conversation with other people in your class can build up friendships. As you talk to a person more you're more confident around them. Even with these two friends you have now you could always ask if they want to go to the cinema or hang out somewhere at a weekend where they are free.

As for your emotions people aren't going to force them out of you if they don't know you. They aren't going to feel comfortable with that. If you open up to people it becomes easier. It takes a weight off of your shoulders and people will realise that you're not just a person who keeps everything to themselves. If you don't give people and opportunity to help you then it simply won't happen.

Exactly. Thank you for the supportive explanation.