Why is my life a big heap of misery...?

[The Lone Assassin]

Once again, I find myself here. I may be in collage now, which is much better than school, doing what I want to do. But I still find that my depression just gets worse. They told me that pills appear to be the only solution. But I refuse to take those monstrosities as I don't really want to be a zombie every day of my life.

I just don't understand why I have to live this big heap of misery. Why there is nobody who is close enough to me that actually gives a shit. I wonder why I haven't left this crappy life yet. But, I'm only going to me once. And unless it improves, I'll be glad when my life is over...

I have never found anyone. I have no muscle, I'm just a stick... I am just another guy on the street, nobody gives a fuck about how miserable, lonely and sad I am.

The only real reason Im still alive is because of family. But it won't be long before I loose contact when I've left home. And soon enough, I might actually be happy... When I'm dead.

The sad truth is that I have lost the will to live, the will to give a fucking shit. The will to look for that special someone. What am I supposed to do when I'm too young to go clubbing... I cant find a beautiful boyfriend, all of the guys I fancy are straight... I give up. Nobody wants me so what's the point...

Like I said. I'm just another guy on the street...

[maniamsmart]

Not really sure if you are depressed because of how bad your life is (which I wouldn't understand because you didn't really focus on many things other than not having a relationship), because you have no friends, or because you don't have a relationship like everyone else as (or like everyone else you've noticed has).

So, maybe I'll just answer all three of them in a general way until you can give me a better insight on what you mean by "no one gives a shit about you". Firstly, the best way to get people to care about you is to care about them. Are you very social? Do you have any friends? If not, then maybe you should start being social in college. College has so many opportunities for you to meet new people and make new friends, so why not put some effort in? If you're looking for a relationship, it kind of follows the same rule, you need to be more social maybe. And what's the deal with having no muscles? Who cares? You're not going to find your "special someone" if he/she just cares about your muscles, that isn't very special at all.

I think you may just be exaggerating a bit, because you can't seem to find anyone to love you and for you to love them. But nothing is going to come out of the thin air, you have to make an effort too. There is always someone special for everyone in this world. It may seem like a general, bland, and repetitive thing to say that you may have already heard a hundred times, but it is very true. I felt the same way you felt a few years ago, but I became more social, and now I have plenty of friends.

Just think positive and put some effort in and don't think so negative all the time. There are people that care about you, just like me, or else I wouldn't have written this to respond to you. Anyway, I am not 100% sure about why your depressed so if I wrote anything in here that is inaccurate let me know and maybe you can paint me a clearer picture so that I can help you a little better.