People think I am good-looking, but I am rarely approached by girls...?

[YuushaLoto]

This confuses me quite a lot sometimes.
I know I am apparently considered "very good-looking", because I somehow ended up being popular among girls at elementary school and high school and it was obvious that several of them had a crush on me - some of the most obvious signs would be when a girl's friends would be like "she is in love with you!" and she would just laugh and look super-embarrassed (this happened a few times), and this continued during high school as well.
However, I was a whole lot more social back then and would always spend time with friends etc, so I would have much better potential to get noticed back then.
Now I'm in college with a completely new class in a completely new city, and I notice that several of my classmates like me - but I never go to parties or anything, and I am pretty much a loner.
And yes, I know that being a loner and never socializing is a big disadvantage, but why do girls almost never approach me directly if I am considered so good-looking?
I have got compliments from people at parties (I once heard it from three guys who said they were amazed how handsome I was), and a few girls on Facebook have added me just to tell me that I am handsome (this doesn't happen "all the time" though, but a few times a year or something like that), but in that case, why don't girls approach me more often?
The signals I get from them are occasional glances, and when I talk to them they are often more stiff and "on their guard" than most other people, almost like I scare them or something.
I am guessing that I might look mad or grave without realizing it, or that there is something about my aura that discourages them from approaching me.

I don't know, I basically feel kind of lonely sometimes.
I am very unused to approaching girls myself, and it would be great if they could approach me a few times so I can get some "practice".
But for some reason I don't seem to be the type that girls approach directly, although I am apparently "very good-looking" and seem to be likeable enough.
And I am kind of socially awkward myself, I find it quite tricky enough to carry on a conversation with anyone who is not my closest family member or friend, so chatting with a girl feels like a freaking project, and the few times I have tried I have started feeling uncomfortable almost instantly, and made her uncomfortable as well.
And this has resulted in me having a pretty low self-confidence in this kind of thing.

Sometimes I feel more relaxed than normal among, for example, my classmates, and yes, a few girls will start looking at me much more often when I am like that, but when I look back at them they just look away.

[dirtyboxer55]

here are my conclusions:
-you cant read body language for sht
-relocate your sack and talk to girls, girls dont approach unless you have top tier looks (and even then its a gamble)
-if theyre defensive its probably because you say really awkward things. (because you said you cant even hold a conversation without feeling uncomfortable.)

We don't need to be rude. ~Hannah

[omgwuut]

try to be more friendly to your classmates especially girls and I assure you that they'll be the one who'll approach you first next time you meet them.
in your post, you stated that you are a loner and don't socialize to other people during your college. so maybe that's why they are not fond of talking to you but can't deny your physical looks.

[maniamsmart]

You're going to have to be more social and not so distant from people.

I understand and can relate a bit on how you feel uncomfortable at times when talking to other people, but the fact of the reality is that you will not get a girlfriend if you don't open up and socialize with girls. There are going to be rare cases, as you have even seen it yourself through Facebook, where girls approach you first. 95% of the time girls don't approach first. So it's either, one, be more social and maybe ask your friends in real life for some help on conversations since you do know how to talk to them apparently, or two, starting online relationships and then meet them. A lot of people feel way more comfortable online and then build connections and end up meeting.

Either way though, you're going to have to learn to get out of your corner.

[YuushaLoto]

try to be more friendly to your classmates especially girls and I assure you that they'll be the one who'll approach you first next time you meet them.
in your post, you stated that you are a loner and don't socialize to other people during your college. so maybe that's why they are not fond of talking to you but can't deny your physical looks.
Yes, I guess so.
And I am from Sweden, and around here it is not quite as "normal" to talk to strangers or people you don't meet and interact with very often, although of course it happens, and some people are more social and outgoing than others.

But that's pretty much the way girls seem to act around me - they can seem somewhat uptight and careful when I am around them, but if I feel relaxed and smile then they seem to open up a whole lot more, look shy and randomly say hi to me and look in my direction etc - it's actually a pretty dramatic change in their behaviour.
So I guess that's a good sign.

[maniamsmart]

Yes, I guess so.
And I am from Sweden, and around here it is not quite as "normal" to talk to strangers or people you don't meet and interact with very often, although of course it happens, and some people are more social and outgoing than others.

But that's pretty much the way girls seem to act around me - they can seem somewhat uptight and careful when I am around them, but if I feel relaxed and smile then they seem to open up a whole lot more, look shy and randomly say hi to me and look in my direction etc - it's actually a pretty dramatic change in their behaviour.
So I guess that's a good sign.

Lol, ironic, this thread (http://www.virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=217985) was from a girl from Sweden too, and it was the direct opposite for her. She said people aren't social and she came from Sweden where people were. Maybe you should message her :)

[mariozplaze]

ow, i just ran into a wall of text. skimming through here are my conclusions:
-you cant read body language for sht
-relocate your sack and talk to girls, girls dont approach unless you have top tier looks (and even then its a gamble)
-if theyre defensive its probably because you say really awkward things. (because you said you cant even hold a conversation without feeling uncomfortable.)

this guy is right, you should never expect girls to come to you, because it is expected that the guy makes the first move typically. If there is a girl you like, then you should try to talk to her, work on your social skills a bit. Take chances, get out there.

[YuushaLoto]

Lol, ironic, this thread was from a girl from Sweden too, and it was the direct opposite for her. She said people aren't social and she came from Sweden where people were. Maybe you should message her :)
Haha, well I will think about it, maybe I will. :):P
Probably not right now, though.


this guy is right, you should never expect girls to come to you, because it is expected that the guy makes the first move typically. If there is a girl you like, then you should try to talk to her, work on your social skills a bit. Take chances, get out there.
Yes, I understand that I should take chances like this and that it is probably the only way improve (the cases when a girl has approached me and invited me for a date I have just felt uncomfortable about it almost every time anyway, so getting approached is probably not som kind of "miracle cure"),
my problem is that I have this constant feeling that girls would not care if I tried to approach them.
I know that this is a very irrational fear, especially since I have been approached before, but it was a few years since I last had anything flirty going on with a girl and now I feel like girls would just be like "thanks, but no thanks" if I were to try approaching them.
It's hard to explain, but somehow I take for granted that my own attempts are bound to fail, even though I don't have any actual reason to think that way.
I believe I feel this way simply because am not approached that often, and so I get this illusion that girls are not interested in learning to know me or getting attracted to me in the first place.