im stuck between two people i love

[Grim]

my current gf is emotionally abusive, gets pissed at me for no apparent reason, the slightest thing that might irritate her and she yells and screams at me not to do it. she always brings up past arguments about whether i should do drugs or not, why did i do badly in school freshman year, and ends up beating on me emotionally screaming why? at me. she wasnt this way when we first got together 2 years ago. now she is. but i love her, and i feel as if i owe my life to her because she was there for me when i was about ready to kill myself. i met her at homecoming and we talked and we immediatley connected. she gave me a reason to live again. my previous gf dumped me by abandoning me, just completely stopped talking to me, said i was too clingy. i felt worthless and like a broken toy. i thought about giving her a suicide note i typed up before i did something to end it all. then i finally had my new gf she truly cares. if id never met her., i wouldve died about a year ago. i tried commiting suicide only once gave myself a bad concussion. anyways because of her saving my life i feel i owe her everything. she gave me a reason to move on. but then the abuse started coming. ive been traumatized to the point where ill promise her anything just to make her happy. (i owe her my life.) arguing about how ill get nowhere in life because of my grades freshman year has happened repeatedly, she threatens to leave and etc a lot all the time. we went to the carnival for my bday and she kept saying how she doesnt like who ive been becoming recently. so i felt like she was starting to fall out of love with me. (btw she says if she never wouldve met me she wouldve killed herself as well..) i began going on omegle seeing if i could find someone to taalk to because i felt lonely. i met a girl with whom i fell in love subconciously and i told her about it. and she told me my gf was abusive and i was never able to talk about that with everyone it scared me. im afraid to be alone because of my ex. i feel like the ones i care about and love would abandon me at any moment. so i have PTSD i was drunk one night with my ex and called myself a fuckup. a trigger for me now is if somebody says im a fuckup ill have flashbacks and get depressed and maybe cry. (sorry i feel kinda rambly.. never told anyone most of this really.) anyways me and this girl slowly but surely both knew we loved eachother but i was with my gf and she was with her bf and id never try to break someone up its too fucked up. anyways he ended up dissqapearing on her for almost a month so this girl had me to talkl to all that time. she also suffers from a lot of problems like me. so she ended up dumping him after we finally said to eachother we love eachother so i tried breaking up with my gf and i couldnt for reasons i said earlier. i still love her. but i love another girl too. i cant have both. so i said to her because i sent a message on facebook to her breaking up. (i couldnt do it in person) she showed up at my house and said to me that i had to say we were breaking up. i couldnt and i said it was a suicide note (which is true, i thoguht about trying to commit suicide at the time. but we stayed together. i told the other i broke up with her. i couldnt say i didnt. i would feel even more worthless. so here i am stuck between two loves and not knowing what to do. i should break up with my emotionally abusive gf who doesnt accept who i truly am and hhas basically made me change half my life. but i cant leave her. and i have the girl i met who i could be with lives in the same state and accepts me for who i am. shes my perfect soulmate we're both almost exactly the same, never could rly argue. but as i said im stuck. i also started cutting recently over the stress of her sobbing about she doesnt want me to drink. says shes worthless because im gonna drink when im older. so i fell apart and promised went into my bathroom and cut for the first time. since then ive continued cutting more and more to relieve the stress from her abuse and my stress over this situation. what do i do? i feel like im going crazy. am i? i feel worthless. i never want anyone upset. im sorry if ive been repetitive or rambly and sorry for any grammatical and spelling errors. i wrote all this quickly. thanks to anyone who tries to help, and im sorry if i ruined your day.. :(

-LBNF

cant not enough posts to message yet...

Posts merged, please use the edit button next time. ~Hannah

[neffam3]

I really don't know what to say. Y
If I weremember you, I would wait till your abusive gf was off somewhere, sever all connections with her, and move in with the one who is perfect for you. Then again I am a 13 year old and if Google canot trust me with money, why should you trust me?

[omgwuut]

i think you need time for yourself. if you're going to choose your abusive girlfriend, it won't help you to be better. she's one of the reasons why you're really sad and unhappy. anyway, if you really love the other girl, you woulId not lie to her and just say you broke up with your girlfriend but you'll have a courage to have a relationship with her. so I think thebest way is to heal yourself from the past and move on until you are ready to commit again. It's really hard to break up with the one that you love but if it's for the better, then do it. I hope you will be fine soon .

[maniamsmart]

Anyway, I know how you feel, because I've been in your position before, on a much smaller scale though. I too think that you may need time for yourself, but at the same time I think that you don't because you already feel lonely thinking about not having anyone, so maybe having time for yourself isn't the best idea. However, I do think you should spend some time with your friends, and just push all the relationship bullshit aside and enjoy life a little bit.

As for your dilemma here between the 2 girls. I would advise you to go with the girl that you met and told that you were breaking up with your old gf that was abusive. I think that it isn't fair or right for you to just be forced to stick with someone because they helped you, and because they helped keep you alive. I don't think something like that should be held against you, or should be in need of returning debt. I think it's the right thing to do, and it's what every human should do for one another. Keeping someone alive isn't doing them a favor, it's doing what is right because you want to be a good person.

So, with that being said, I don't think you should hold it against yourself that you HAVE to stay with your abusive gf because of the fact that she saved your life. No, because you don't seem to have much love with this girl. If anything this girl is hurting you, causing you to change, causing you to be scared, and basically give yourself up to her as if you were owned by her. That's not what a healthy relationship is about. I think you should go with the new girl that you met, because you seem to be a lot happier with her. I don't think you are in love with the abusive gf, I think you are just in love with the fact that she saved your life and you feel like she did your a favor that was so grand that you have to repay her, but saving someone's life is not a favor, it's the right thing to do.

So I hope this cleared some things up, if you have more questions or concerns please do ask, I am always here to help.

[Grim]

:( and also thanks and i do love her truly. she just slowly turned abusive on me.. btw we just broke up today. she made me feel like a monster about it. :(

[maniamsmart]

sorry didnt know where to put this.. :( and also thanks and i do love her truly. she just slowly turned abusive on me.. btw we just broke up today. she made me feel like a monster about it. :(

No problem, always here to help. And don't listen to her about it, she is just trying to make you feel guilty. You are doing what's right for you and what's healthy for you. Good job :)

[Grim]

No problem, always here to help. And don't listen to her about it, she is just trying to make you feel guilty. You are doing what's right for you and what's healthy for you. Good job

shes trying to say she'll commit suicide without me. i cant live with this on my head. what if she does kill herself? :(

[Luminous]

Depression, Loss, and Grief :arrow: Relationships and Dating

[maniamsmart]

shes trying to say she'll commit suicide without me. i cant live with this on my head. what if she does kill herself? :(

She's also trying to make you feel guilty and make you take her back. You need to explain to her your feelings, why you broke up with her, and how you felt really mistreated. If you don't really know how to get the words out, maybe you should read some of my posts I posted here, because they pretty much sum it up. Don't be a jackass about it, just be comforting about it, and help her move on by explaining that you weren't happy and that she isn't a bad person, she just had a bad habit, and that you couldn't handle it anymore.

You don't want to be in the relationship you were in, but you also don't want anyone killing themselves over it because then you'll really have the guilt that you shouldn't even have now.