What does "I need space" mean?

[Paladino]

Like seriously? wtf does it mean? it is pissing me off I have done nothing wrong but it is what I keep being told, I try my best not to contact her but I want answers, you guys have probably seen multiple threads I've put up about this girl, but no wonder she is messing with my brain.

[Body odah Man]

That they are a bitch and will never speak to you again. I'm experienced with it

[maniamsmart]

I'd need to know what happened. The phrase "I need space" means different things for different situations. Maybe give me a summary, or link me the threads? Thanks.

[Semi_IronMan]

I think it means she needs some time away from you

[CosmicNoodle]

That they are a bitch and will never speak to you again. I'm experienced with it

You're being very childish, you know that right? Just want to make sure you know that.

People needing space just means they want some time to themselves, isn't that obvious? They want time away from you, on there own, where they can figure stuff out, obviously.

[maniamsmart]

You're being very childish, you know that right? Just want to make sure you know that.

People needing space just means they want some time to themselves, isn't that obvious? They want time away from you, on there own, where they can figure stuff out, obviously.

In some situations yes, but on others it could mean that they don't want to talk to you. What the user you are quoting said may be childish and said in a rude and immature way, but sometimes that is the case, sometimes that is why people say they need space, because they don't want to flat out say, I don't want to talk to you anymore.

And there are many other possible meanings depending on the situation, hence, why I asked for him to elaborate on his relationship issue.

[Paladino]

We were having an arguement one night whilst we were drunk and she attacked me because this girl said I cheated on her which I didn't and she didn't believe me hence why she attacked me(and probably because of the alcohol because of how fucked she was) and to get her away from me to defend my self I kick-pushed her(if that makes sense) because I was on the floor, she falls to the floor and breaks her finger(obvious accident), no contact for 3 weeks, she contacts me and we get back together, ever since then she has been on and off with me and everytime she has texted saying "forgive me, I promise I won't do it again" but this time when she done it (was last Friday) she ignored me for days up until last night and told me she needed space and I asked her friend and her friend said she wanted space to think about us and what she wants. I feel like I am being thrown away by that person I thought would never ever hurt me and her playing games by dumping me then saying sorry then dumping me over and over is mentally destroying me. I understand what happened to her finger should never have happened and I feel guilty for it happening but it was an honest accident and at the end of the day she should have believed me over some bitch she had only known 5 minutes. I know some of you are going to say "get over her she is not worth it" and shit but, sometimes it isn't just as easy as saying "I'll get over her". It isn't easy to let go of someone you would do anything for and I'm sure some of you know this experience. If it helps, she says she still loves me.

[queenofcontrariety]

Yes, she might still love you, but no one deserves to have their emotions player with like this. Usually saying I need space either means that they feel smothered or that they want to kindly let things fade. Sadly, it may end up being the beginning of the end. My best advice is to start protecting yourself. As much as you want to be with her or be happy with her, you need to put yourself first occasionally, still be open and loving once she gets her shit together, but start to strengthen yourself a little in case things don't go well. Best of luck, and I'm sorry that you're facing this treatment

[Paladino]

Yes, she might still love you, but no one deserves to have their emotions player with like this. Usually saying I need space either means that they feel smothered or that they want to kindly let things fade. Sadly, it may end up being the beginning of the end. My best advice is to start protecting yourself. As much as you want to be with her or be happy with her, you need to put yourself first occasionally, still be open and loving once she gets her shit together, but start to strengthen yourself a little in case things don't go well. Best of luck, and I'm sorry that you're facing this treatment

Well I've hardly smothered her, I have only seen her twice in 2 weeks, if she wants to let things die then I would prefer it if she just told me straight up rather than making me feel as if there is still hope.

[queenofcontrariety]

Well I've hardly smothered her, I have only seen her twice in 2 weeks, if she wants to let things die then I would prefer it if she just told me straight up rather than making me feel as if there is still hope.

She's probably just scared to hurt you and thinks this is a more humane way to do it, but truthfully it's a lot worse for you. I know you don't want to give up hope, but start preparing yourself for that. Okay? it's going to hurt either way but if you start to let go a little now it'll be easier. Still keep a little thead if she wishes to pursue it again, but be ready if she doesn't want to go down that route

[maniamsmart]

We were having an arguement one night whilst we were drunk and she attacked me because this girl said I cheated on her which I didn't and she didn't believe me hence why she attacked me(and probably because of the alcohol because of how fucked she was) and to get her away from me to defend my self I kick-pushed her(if that makes sense) because I was on the floor, she falls to the floor and breaks her finger(obvious accident), no contact for 3 weeks, she contacts me and we get back together, ever since then she has been on and off with me and everytime she has texted saying "forgive me, I promise I won't do it again" but this time when she done it (was last Friday) she ignored me for days up until last night and told me she needed space and I asked her friend and her friend said she wanted space to think about us and what she wants. I feel like I am being thrown away by that person I thought would never ever hurt me and her playing games by dumping me then saying sorry then dumping me over and over is mentally destroying me. I understand what happened to her finger should never have happened and I feel guilty for it happening but it was an honest accident and at the end of the day she should have believed me over some bitch she had only known 5 minutes. I know some of you are going to say "get over her she is not worth it" and shit but, sometimes it isn't just as easy as saying "I'll get over her". It isn't easy to let go of someone you would do anything for and I'm sure some of you know this experience. If it helps, she says she still loves me.

Now, while the user before me already stated that she may want to let things slowly fade, I kind of agree. However, that is only one possibility we are seeing from one perspective.

I honestly think that it could go either way. If she says she still loves you(and if you had a very good relationship with her before the accident), then I wouldn't fully doubt her words on her loving you. In this situation, "I need space" could mean that she needs to still get over it herself that she did something wrong and is thinking about whether she wants to get back together with you. Maybe she feels that she may hurt you again, and doesn't want that. Either way it deals with self guilt there and that can only be solved with time, and with you telling her that you forgive her and you still love her as much as you loved her before. If you have already done this then I guess it's a waiting game. Now you can chose to play this waiting game or not, if she continues to speak with you and continues to contact you every so often then she obviously hasn't lost all interest in you, and she may still want to be with you and just really does need time.

Another way of looking at it could be that she really doesn't want to be with you as the user stated. Maybe she found someone else already and is telling you that she needs space because she doesn't want to be with you anymore, or because she already found someone else that she is now with. While I'd like to think that this isn't the path that she chose, it could be a possibility.

At the end of the day it really just depends on how much you can trust her, and how your relationship was with her before the accident. Was your relationship very short? Did it have much depth and last longer than many others? Was your relationship worth maintaining and never letting fall apart? If so then maybe she is just taking this time to ensure that she doesn't feel guilty anymore, and knows that she still wants to be with you. To me it sounds like she is doubting herself, because she is apologizing but then saying she needs space. If anything, I would ask her how she feels about you, and tell her your true feelings and maybe you can get some more answers.

Much of this is still a mystery to me, the others here answering and even to yourself, and while we can only make a few assumptions, you shouldn't take any of these as definite answers. Hence, I can only give you perspectives and possible reasons why she is doing what she is doing. You need to take these perspectives and apply them to your conversations with her and see if you can get any answers.

If you do get any answers or have further questions I'll always be here. And by the way, you don't need to message me you posted a summary in PM :P I have it set so that I get subscribed to every thread I post in so I can see the replies I get :)

[Paladino]

I have sent her two messages since last night when she messaged me last at 2am, it is now 11pm and she hasn't 'read' the messages, but I have a feeling she has been on facebook and saw that I have messaged her and hasn't opened them. I know for almost certain there isn't anyone else involved as her friends have actually promised me there isn't. It would be absolutely heart breaking if there was someone else because we have been together for over a year and a half. The accident happened nearly 3 months ago and since then we have been on off but when she was with me she seemed content. Like I said we have been together for over a year and a half and we were/are very much in love and it felt good to have that someone there and she felt that I would be the one that would never hurt her and I felt that she would be the one that would never hurt me. We were friends before it for 4 years so I would say it is worth holding on to. Before we started going out I thought it could have been a bad idea to go there because of the friendship and the fact her brother was my best friend but he gave me his blessing and I thought fine, lets do this, there is no going back, hence why I don't want it to end, because if it ends for good then that is a 5 and a half year relationship (friendship first, bf/gf second) DONE, and I really don't want her out of my life. There was 2 other girls that were options that I could have been with but I chose her over them and part of me wishes I chose one of the other ones, but another part of me doesn't regret any bit of choosing her. I begged her to say she didn't love me anymore if that was the case so I had some closure, but she refused and said she still did but and I quote "I need space away from it"

[hatsoff123]

I'm sorry dude but that phrase just means that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. I know from experience. Dont worry dude, just start talking to new girls and new people. I need space means that they no longer want to be in the relationship.

[maniamsmart]

I have sent her two messages since last night when she messaged me last at 2am, it is now 11pm and she hasn't 'read' the messages, but I have a feeling she has been on facebook and saw that I have messaged her and hasn't opened them. I know for almost certain there isn't anyone else involved as her friends have actually promised me there isn't. It would be absolutely heart breaking if there was someone else because we have been together for over a year and a half. The accident happened nearly 3 months ago and since then we have been on off but when she was with me she seemed content. Like I said we have been together for over a year and a half and we were/are very much in love and it felt good to have that someone there and she felt that I would be the one that would never hurt her and I felt that she would be the one that would never hurt me. We were friends before it for 4 years so I would say it is worth holding on to. Before we started going out I thought it could have been a bad idea to go there because of the friendship and the fact her brother was my best friend but he gave me his blessing and I thought fine, lets do this, there is no going back, hence why I don't want it to end, because if it ends for good then that is a 5 and a half year relationship (friendship first, bf/gf second) DONE, and I really don't want her out of my life. There was 2 other girls that were options that I could have been with but I chose her over them and part of me wishes I chose one of the other ones, but another part of me doesn't regret any bit of choosing her. I begged her to say she didn't love me anymore if that was the case so I had some closure, but she refused and said she still did but and I quote "I need space away from it"

Okay so with all of this, if you really wantthis relationship then you will have to play the waiting game. I would just be there for her and respect her decisions when she needs me and keep in touch with her best friends to ensure that you aren't being thrown away. In worst case scenario, she could be dating someone else, but as her friends told you she isn't. Hence, there isn't really any reason for her not to love you.

So since that's out of the window, the only thing that is left for her rationale behind "I need space" is her trying to get herself together, and trying to make sure she is ready to go back into the relationship. Maybe she enjoys being single for the moment? Let her have her time on her own, and as long as you stay in her life and continue speaking with her then when she is ready, you'll be there for her to get back together with you. But I don't think forcing her to decide or trying to get answers out of her is the wisest decision. I mean, if she wants to give you answers and wants to go back together with you, then that's fine, but if she continues to be in the "on and off" stage and kind of going back and forth from loving you to needing space, I think it's a personal problem, and she has to figure that out on her own.

I'm sorry dude but that phrase just means that she doesn't want to be with you anymore. I know from experience. Dont worry dude, just start talking to new girls and new people. I need space means that they no longer want to be in the relationship.

You are making a general assumption, for a general girl, for a general relationship, and for a general incident. This isn't anything general, it's a relationship that lasts longer than usual. with a girl that isn't like others, and in a situation that isn't as many others either. So as much as you want to be comforting that isn't really giving the best advice.

[SethfromMI]

many times it means she needs a break in the relationship

[Starling City]

I'm sorry that your relationship is at such a shaky point. It happens in many relationships, where there is some sort of doubt involved that can lead to these tense, mixed feelings and understandings. "I need a break" is hard to decipher, because it can mean two totally different things to the people directly involved.

I was once in a relationship that threw me for a loop basically every other week. It was solid, then not, repeatedly. I loved the person I was dating, and we communicated daily and were closer than I have ever been with a 'significant other'. However, there were many instances where we each initiated a no-talking period, basically a "break." I was responsible for many of those times, regrettably. In the moment, there was so much going on in real life that didn't necessarily have to do with her. Yet I allowed it to affect our relationship by taking the frustration out on her and initiating these breaks. Maybe it was to punish myself more than anything (for being able to have something so good), because looking back now, the breaks were ridiculous and unwarranted, and I lost an incredibly important individual in my life. We rarely communicate anymore (I've tried reaching out) after I took a two week, no communication break: the last break. She found someone else in that time and has been dating them for almost two years now. I missed my chance because of that temporary, uncalled for... stupidity. I can't blame her for it, and maybe it did work out for the best this way, but I won't know what could have been now.

Breaks are complicated. Feelings, relationships are complicated. I know the on and off relationship structure and it's really, really difficult, I know. I wish I had given it more time to sort itself out, but I didn't and I can't go back. I advise you that you do what feel rights, but it sounds like you really love her and since you do, I'd give it time to see if there's something left in it for her. The pressure I was under at the time destroyed the relationship (my doing), but had I had some time to figure things out for myself, it could have ended differently.

Maybe she just needs time to sort her feelings out and find what's truly important in her life. If that's you, she will hopefully let you know that. But ultimately, I know none of this is guaranteed. We all think differently and there's simply no guarantee she reciprocates the same feelings, she will figure things out, etc. But, if you are willing to wait for her, if she's that special to you, then it might be worth this temporary pain... Love is pain.

I really hope you are able to find peace and happiness somewhere in-between. I hope she comes around for your sake, if that's what you want, but if she doesn't, you still have much of a future. This isn't the end, even though it might feel like it.

Hopefully this made sense and somewhat mattered. Good luck and best wishes :)
- Starling City

[Paladino]

Thanks guys, but I think she is just trying to get me to go away forever, but just doesn't want to say it if she won't even open my fuckin facebook messages.

[maniamsmart]

Thanks guys, but I think she is just trying to get me to go away forever, but just doesn't want to say it if she won't even open my fuckin facebook messages.

Like I said, if she continued to keep her distance and not bother to keep in contact with you then yes she just want you to stop talking to her. As unfortunate as it may be, but I think if she isn't even going to look at your FB message she doesn't want to speak to you :(

[Paladino]

Aw well, fuck her, just hope she doesn't mentally ruin another boy and destroy his confidence and self esteem the way she has me, at our best points she made me feel 10 feet tall and as if I could take on the world and now she has the complete opposite effect, I just hope she isn't bitter about it.

Edit: Her friend has just told me that the person that claims to still love me enjoyed seeing me cry when she ended it, what the fuck is wrong with her, do any other girls enjoy that? sick fuck.

[Rallo]

Following assumes you're dating him/her.

Is this the first time they've "needed space"?
If they're needing space quite often usually it means they want things to work though are struggling with making it work. If it's not an often occurrence, it may simply be the words; she/he needs space.
Relationships are stressful, the whole feeling that you have to be there for your partner almost every moment of the day.. That's a stressful thing. The constant attention, that can get to be too much sometimes. Sometimes people simply need space from their relationship, time to hang out with friends away from relationship stresses for a little while.
I'd simply let him/her have some space for a little while if this is a first time or rare occurrence. As stated above, this may include hanging out with friends a fair bit and staying away from relationship stresses for a little while, try not to get too jealous of this, as that's part of giving him/her space. Now, i don't mean turn a complete blind eye to it all, needing space can mean they in term want to get with other people(doing sexual or romantic things)..If that's the case (they are getting with other people), I'd instantly start talking to others and not worrying about tying yourself down while giving him/her "space".

[maniamsmart]

Aw well, fuck her, just hope she doesn't mentally ruin another boy and destroy his confidence and self esteem the way she has me, at our best points she made me feel 10 feet tall and as if I could take on the world and now she has the complete opposite effect, I just hope she isn't bitter about it.

Edit: Her friend has just told me that the person that claims to still love me enjoyed seeing me cry when she ended it, what the fuck is wrong with her, do any other girls enjoy that? sick fuck.

Yes. This may be new to you, but it isn't for me. Now while I still to this day don't understand it, some girls (and this is actually quite a large number) like to cause pain and seeing other people suffer. I am not sure if it is because they feel they have power over others, and just like that feeling, or what, but this is very real. I've seen it happen 7 years ago, and I've seen it happen 7 days ago. I still am trying to figure this out myself, maybe it's a girl thing.

Any girl opinions here would be appreciated. At one point in your life with a guy, did you like the fact that he was sad, was crying, hurt, ect?

[Paladino]

Oh I have had one long term girlfriend before her and she ended it and the next day she told me she never meant it and I said I don't care I don't wanna be with you anymore and that was that I never even cared! So that's why I am so confused about why I care so much about this one.

[hatsoff123]

[/QUOTE]You are making a general assumption, for a general girl, for a general relationship, and for a general incident. This isn't anything general, it's a relationship that lasts longer than usual. with a girl that isn't like others, and in a situation that isn't as many others either. So as much as you want to be comforting that isn't really giving the best advice.[/QUOTE]


I've been in a 3 year relationship, trust me when a girl says it's over its over. Either she found someone else attractive, is flirting or even dating the new guy OR she just is confused about the current relationship. That's how relationships are. I'm not making assumptions, it's called reality. It sucks yes, but you cannot linger on what could of been done or what should of been done. Every girl acts differently, but they all usually say "I need space" by the time they want to move on.

[Paladino]

Or maybe they just need the space to think and will come back, all of these are options, but as the day has went on I feel a bit better about it so now I don't really care if she comes back or not because the heartless bitch will get told where to go and karma will get her.

[Body odah Man]

You're being very childish, you know that right? Just want to make sure you know that.

People needing space just means they want some time to themselves, isn't that obvious? They want time away from you, on there own, where they can figure stuff out, obviously.

Sometimes it's like that and when it is, then good for them. I don't see how 3+ months of no contact falls under space tho. I get 3 weeks, I get a month and a half, but 3 seems a bit over extreme.

[CosmicNoodle]

Sometimes it's like that and when it is, then good for them. I don't see how 3+ months of no contact falls under space tho. I get 3 weeks, I get a month and a half, but 3 seems a bit over extreme.

It's up to them how much contact they want, if any, no point getting bitchy and butt hurt over it.

[Paladino]

It's up to them how much contact they want, if any, no point getting bitchy and butt hurt over it.

Do you know what it feels like to be thrown away by someone you love? Do you know what it feels like to be ignored for what seems to be for no reason? Especially by the person who swore they would never hurt you.

[CosmicNoodle]

Do you know what it feels like to be thrown away by someone you love? Do you know what it feels like to be ignored for what seems to be for no reason? Especially by the person who swore they would never hurt you.

Yes I do, what's your point?

[Paladino]

The point is I don't really think you do, because if you have felt that pain you wouldn't be telling him to stop feeling "butt hurt" by it, because its not "butt hurt" its mental torture.

Edit: It's official now, I asked her friend that was with her to ask her to reply to me to tell me if we are done for good or not and her friend replied that she said it was over for good, she couldn't even do it herself, admin or mods if you see this I'd appreciate it if this thread could be locked, it's hurting me too much and I feel like I can't deal with this as well as everything else on top of it atm, thanks.

[maniamsmart]

Yes I do, what's your point?

Point is that it isn't being "bitchy" or "butt hurt", it's people being humans and having emotions.

Please lock.

[Body odah Man]

Point is that it isn't being "bitchy" or "butt hurt", it's people being humans and having emotions.

Please lock.
Thanks for understanding.

The point is I don't really think you do, because if you have felt that pain you wouldn't be telling him to stop feeling "butt hurt" by it, because its not "butt hurt" its mental torture.

Edit: It's official now, I asked her friend that was with her to ask her to reply to me to tell me if we are done for good or not and her friend replied that she said it was over for good, she couldn't even do it herself, admin or mods if you see this I'd appreciate it if this thread could be locked, it's hurting me too much and I feel like I can't deal with this as well as everything else on top of it atm, thanks.

Thanks for defending me man. And I'm sorry man, that really sucks that she made the relationship end like that :(

[Paladino]

Thanks for understanding.



Thanks for defending me man. And I'm sorry man, that really sucks that she made the relationship end like that :(

Not a problem, because it hurts like hell, but she ended up speaking to me and said that it was over for good, but she still loves me but she feels like she can't be with me and that everything is making her feel depressed & stressed, so I guess she is hurting by it and now I know it is hurting her too, but, I probably shouldn't have but I did; we made plans to go ice skating before this happened and she agreed to still go when I asked her by saying "If it will keep you happy" Then I said "No, I only want to if you want to so if you don't it doesn't matter" and she said "I don't mind" So, I don't really know what to do?

[Batman42]

They want to be by themself

[maniamsmart]

Not a problem, because it hurts like hell, but she ended up speaking to me and said that it was over for good, but she still loves me but she feels like she can't be with me and that everything is making her feel depressed & stressed, so I guess she is hurting by it and now I know it is hurting her too, but, I probably shouldn't have but I did; we made plans to go ice skating before this happened and she agreed to still go when I asked her by saying "If it will keep you happy" Then I said "No, I only want to if you want to so if you don't it doesn't matter" and she said "I don't mind" So, I don't really know what to do?

Considering the fact that you asked her this before she said that she was done with you for good but she still loves you, it seems kinda pointless to go if you were intending to like... sort of get her back to yourself so she can see how much of a great time you guys had when you guys were together. But now that she said what you told us, I don't see a point, unless you do want to stay friends with her, then I think it's fine. The question is, do you want to be her friend? I am not sure how much pain you are going through and if you can even handle having a friendship with her, or if you'd rather move on from her. That is what you have to figure out first.

[Paladino]

I don't know what to do at all any more, I have just been getting drugged up and drunk to block it all out, I know it's not the best way but it helps, you know? She is still hung up on things in the past, as I have spoke to her today, but she claims she is done talking to me now anyway, I have a feeling that maybe 3 weeks down the line she might tell me she misses me and wants me back and shit, but who knows, she really is playing me for a fool and I fall for it each time ..

[dirtyboxer55]

it means leave me alone

[Babs]

That they are a bitch and will never speak to you again. I'm experienced with it

That's a very childish way to put it. Consider this: she just needs space.

[Paladino]

That's a very childish way to put it. Consider this: she just needs space.

I have a feeling there is a rebound happening and she is using someone else to get over me, if she is then it is quite clearly heartless because it was less than a week she was with him. I could be over thinking things but there was supposedly two other people there and they all stayed up the whole night together as friends, but it is known that he likes her & it is making me fuming.

[Body odah Man]

That's a very childish way to put it. Consider this: she just needs space.

If it turns out you are correct I shall gladly admit it and I will be quite glad myself.

[Paladino]

My two experiences of girls are that they are horrible manipulative creatures that want to mentally ruin you at every opportunity, that being said I know all of them AREN'T like that, and can't wait for the day I find a gorgeous girl who isn't a fuck around and can actually make her mind up on something and knows what she wants, I know it might sound bitter, but if I was to hook-up with anyone, and she found out, I would hope it would hurt her, because I actually feel resentment and rage towards her now, at the fact she could throw away a four year friendship and a 1.5 year relationship, she claims I mentally ruined her, nah, she mentally ruined me, playing me since september and lying about almost everything, even the love, being gay must be a whole lot better than this because at least the majority of guys KNOW what they like & want!!

[maniamsmart]

My two experiences of girls are that they are horrible manipulative creatures that want to mentally ruin you at every opportunity, that being said I know all of them AREN'T like that, and can't wait for the day I find a gorgeous girl who isn't a fuck around and can actually make her mind up on something and knows what she wants, I know it might sound bitter, but if I was to hook-up with anyone, and she found out, I would hope it would hurt her, because I actually feel resentment and rage towards her now, at the fact she could throw away a four year friendship and a 1.5 year relationship, she claims I mentally ruined her, nah, she mentally ruined me, playing me since september and lying about almost everything, even the love, being gay must be a whole lot better than this because at least the majority of guys KNOW what they like & want!!

You remind me of my friend who is kind of going through this right now too. And the girl is heartless too, after a 2 year relationship that she just throws away. It's hard for him to move on too...

[Paladino]

The girls think they are being strong when really they are being bitches about it, eventually, they will realise they are not strong and it will hit them like a ton of bricks, whilst we are moving on they will start to feel miserable.

[maniamsmart]

The girls think they are being strong when really they are being bitches about it, eventually, they will realise they are not strong and it will hit them like a ton of bricks, whilst we are moving on they will start to feel miserable.

Funny enough that is true, at least for me.

Out of all the relationships I have had, I have never broken up with any girl I dated. It's always been them breaking up with me. And every girl has always came crawling back to me... :P

[Paladino]

I broke up with my last LT girlfriend, purely because she was a pain in the ass and it didn't really bother me until one day I came home from College and was sitting like "aw man, what the fuck?!" then I was fine like an hour later.