What do you think? (Sorry about the long post)

[chris559]

Okay, well recently (about 3 months ago), after quite a bit of thinking, I concluded that I am bi. Yet I'm still kind of confused, and I come here seeking advice.

Well, both guys and girls can really turn me on, but I'm VERY picky about guys, A LOT more picky than I am about girls. I might have feelings for a guy even if I'm not sexually attracted to him. I've never been able to take relationships seriously with girls, never really had any feelings for one (I've gone out with a few though), and I just get bored of them very easily. I would only be able to maintain a relationship with a guy.. I fell in love with one before, but that's something I'd rather not get into.

I understand this isn't very organized, so here's a neater list that should sum things up better..

Girls
Most likely would never marry one (I don't believe in marriage, period)
Never taken relationships seriously
Never had real feelings for one
Sexually attracted to them

Guys
Preferred for any real long-term relationship
Intimacy, romance and all that gushy stuff preferred
Sexually attracted to them (although very picky about looks, to the point I might not be turned on at all by one if they don't suit my requirements, but if I love them, I wouldn't really be picky at all)
Have had very strong feelings for a guy before... Still torn up over him.
Fantasize about them more often than I fantasize about girls when masturbating

So, am I bi, gay? Bi, but closer to gay, or bi, but closer to straight?

For the time being, I consider myself bi, so here's another question.. How would I go about telling a friend or family members? I'd really like to tell someone, not come out completely, as that would lead to disaster (I live in a bad town, I'd probably get jumped sooner or later), but I just want to tell someone. All I've ever heard my dad say about gays was "it's their business", but he also refers to them as faggots.. I have no clue what my moms opinion on the thing is. She once casually mentioned that someone we knew came out of the closet, but she didn't seem to care. I already know some friends who definitely won't mind, and some that I'm not sure about, so how would I go about hinting, or asking their opinion about gays without giving myself away?

EDIT: I'm 16 years old, if that helps.

[The Entertainer]

First, if you are bisexual, or even gay, it shouldnt matter to anyone else.
Id say you probably are bisexual, though at 16, you still might have hormones flying around the show.

Youve said you have fallen in love with a guy before, so the emotional attachment for guys is there. To be gay, or bisexual, it's generally seen that as well as physically being attracted, there also has to be an emotional element too. If youre pretty sure that you have fallen in love with a guy, then its self-evident that you do have strong feelings towards males.

In your girls column, I think the first three points you make are all connected in some way. Youve never had real feelings for them maybe because you have never taken relationships seriously, which is why you dont see the prospect of marriage as being a likely one. Yet you also say that you are sexually attracted to them. I think, therefore, that if the right girl came along for you, then youd be whole-heartedly up for a good, strong relationship. This then seems to counter your bi-sexual feelings. Once you have had a proper relationship with a girl, i think it will be very easy for you to then work out whether you are bisexual or otherwise.

Im only going off my own feelings and experiences, BUT....maybe because you havent had a lot of success on the girl-front, that is why you are leaning more towards guys. What is certain is that guys are a lot easier to understand than girls are. So could that be a reason why you want a long term relationship with one?
If you have had real feelings for one, then you have to establish why you had those feelings, as they will tell you a lot. Have you confided in your friend about your feelings towards him? When did you fall in love with him?
As for all the masturbation stuff, its pretty normal your stage in puberty, to be thinking about guys whilst masturbating. Its what testostrone does. I do it, even though im pretty sure Im straight.

Your age does suggest that you still might be subject to the whole nightmare of hormones. Testostrone does some weird things to the mind, and this could be one of them, to a degree. If you were 18 or 19, then I would say you were almost certainly bisexual, but at 16, it might be just a little bit too early.

My best guess is that, at the moment, you seem to think yourself as bisexual, though in a few years, you will certainly have a bigger and better picture with which to judge yourself.

Ok, so onto the long process of "coming out the closet". I have a friend who is just about to, and he has had a group of very close friends know for about 2 years before everyone else does. This is a good way of doing it.
If you have a friend who you know sticks with you through thick and thin, and will keep it confidential, then Id tell him/her. Strangely, I find that girls react better than guys to if you are telling them you are gay/bisexual. Any-hoo, if you have a close inner circle, then, when the time is right, and only when you are certain you are 100% bisexual, do you tell them. You have to trust them not to say anything.

Family members dont ever have to know. If you have suspicions of them being a little homophobic, then what they dont know cant hurt them. If you are going to tell them, your mum looks like the best bet.

By the way, have you ever had any sexual experiences with either gender? If you have, then whichever one you enjoyed most will be a good measuring post to determine your sexuality

I hope this post has helped you. If there is anything else you are worried about, I am at your service.

[chris559]

Im only going off my own feelings and experiences, BUT....maybe because you havent had a lot of success on the girl-front, that is why you are leaning more towards guys. What is certain is that guys are a lot easier to understand than girls are. So could that be a reason why you want a long term relationship with one?
If you have had real feelings for one, then you have to establish why you had those feelings, as they will tell you a lot. Have you confided in your friend about your feelings towards him? When did you fall in love with him?
As for all the masturbation stuff, its pretty normal your stage in puberty, to be thinking about guys whilst masturbating. Its what testostrone does. I do it, even though im pretty sure Im straight.

Well, actually, there was about 2 girls I've had a real relationship in the past with. I didn't love them, but I really liked them. One I went out with for about a year and a half, and one for about 6 months. Other than that, I've never gone out with a girl longer than 2 weeks. I kind of just got tired and lost interest with the one I went out with for a year. Similar to what happened to the one I went out with for 6 months, except when I started talking to her less, she went with one of my friends. I wanted to kill them both at first. I remained friends with the guy, he's actually a very close friend. I told him I'm bi.

If I did meet that one in a million girl, I'd be open to a long-term relationship, but I think I would be happier with a guy. The guy I fell in love with, I was friends with for about 3 years. He's gay, and a couple days after I admitted being bi to myself, he told me he had feelings for me, but I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship with a guy (I still hadn't really come to terms with myself I guess), and about a month later I found out he was with this other guy, which really made me realize how strongly I felt about him.. This happened about 2 months ago, and I still can't get him out of my head. Whenever I see people together, I think about me and him. And the few love songs I liked, I now dread hearing. He knows how I feel, but he's moved on.

By the way, have you ever had any sexual experiences with either gender? If you have, then whichever one you enjoyed most will be a good measuring post to determine your sexuality

The most I've ever done was made out with a girl on several occasions, but I barely even remember that. Was way too young to even know what it meant anyway. I've wacked off with a couple different guys several times, screwed one once.

I hope this post has helped you. If there is anything else you are worried about, I am at your service.

Thanks, and I greatly appreciate your well thought out post.

[The Entertainer]

no problemo!

[chris559]

Do you have any response to my reply?

[mattisdaman]

i think you could be gay as you are atracted to them mentally and sexually. if you ever want to talk pm me.

[Requin]

Most people who ask this sort of question say that they are just physically attracted to men and could never see themselves in a relationship with them. But your case is different, i think there probably is a chance that you are gay, but please wait until puberty is finished, try not to jump to any conclusions. lol

[blingibong]

WOW AMAZING POST THANX

ps keep it up

[redtukr]

I was going through that same issue not far back and it was like we did a lot outside of the normal hj bj it just seem right but I knew in the end it wasn't the same way back so u hav to make a decision is it the best with either onep

[StoppingTime]

This post is from 2008!

Keep to topics two months and newer, please. :locked: