Playing Games

[Melodic]

So recently, it has come to my attention that me and my boyfriend have been playing games so we can both get what we want and/or to get emotional comfort. Usually I tend to take the approach of ending the relationship/leaving completely and he usually tends to take the approach saying he's suicidal and can't live without me. The problem is, I'm getting really hurt by it. I chose to end the relationship today because I was upset that he cancelled on hanging out tomorrow. (He was sick, I'm a dick) But now, I'm regretting that and I'm kinda iffy on when he finally sees the message if I should keep it as it is or apologize because of all the games. What should we do to stop playing games with each other and just be happy with the way things are at that moment?

[Anarion]

My advice would be to come clean with everything, apologize for what you said, and ask to stop the games

[maniamsmart]

Relationships can be difficult sometimes, especially when you're in one where either one or both of you are new to dating. To me it seems like (and I don't mean to offend), that both of you don't really know what love truly is yet, or don't really take your relationship serious. It seems like both of you want each other to admit their wrongs, and both of you want to have power over the other. In a relationship that needs to be balanced, and when something happens that you don't like, you don't just react irrationally and explode with anger. You talk about it, calmly, and try to understand the other person. I've seen many relationships where the two persons in it can't seem to let go of each other but continue to hurt each other by saying harmful things.

Before you apologize or want to make him apologize, think about what kind of person you are, what kind of person he is. Do you want to be with this person? Do you think you can handle this person? Do you think he can handle you or wants to be with you? If you aren't sure, try asking him those questions. If you get positive results then settle down and express yourself, compassionately, calmly, and show that you care. Show that you don't want to fight, and explain what makes you mad, and suggest ways to fix those problems.

Having fights in a relationship doesn't mean you have a bad relationship, it means you have a strong one, but you need to overcome those fights and solve those problems in a kind, loving, and caring way.

[Paladino]

I'd recommend not playing games because my girlfriend is playing games with me & it is mental torture, so don't hurt each other by playing games and just try to be happy & if he doesn't make you happy, tell him & end it & let him down as gently as possible.

[Melodic]

Thanks everyone for the advice! I've been starting to be honest with him and he has been so understanding. We've recently took a break in the relationship because I haven't been exactly rational and have been dealing with depression so we're waiting til I can finally function enough to have the relationship with him.

[maniamsmart]

Thanks everyone for the advice! I've been starting to be honest with him and he has been so understanding. We've recently took a break in the relationship because I haven't been exactly rational and have been dealing with depression so we're waiting til I can finally function enough to have the relationship with him.

You're very welcome, and good decision. If you feel like a part of the problem has to do something with your emotional state of mind and it is affecting your relationship negatively, then it's best to take a break to protect that connection you have with that significant other from turning into something ugly that you may regret later on.

If you need any other help feel free to give us updates here or message me :) I hope you feel better soon, have you posted something in the depression section of VT? Or is it a bit more personal?

[Paladino]

I've found that the girls I've been with are very fickle and can't make up their mind, so I'm glad you have came to a decision that you can keep rather than you both going through hurt because of someone not knowing what they want.