I feel like I just shut down

[Kotokochan]

This is an odd problem....about a month or so ago, there was a boy I liked, we knew each other since June. I knew he had an ex-girlfriend who was also in marching band, but thought nothing of it, other than that I was a little jealous of her because she is very pretty. Then, about a month ago, she tried to end her life. It didn't succeed, and she went to the hospital, but I just started sobbing and sobbing when I found out, not out of sadness, but out of guilt. Ever since, my anxiety has been on edge, and I've just been crying a lot, although I feel I'm over it. She was able to attend marching band awards night, and I gave her a hug, but I also found out 3 other girls in my grade have cut themselves and I strongly suspect one has an eating disorder. I feel terrible for saying this, but I just feel so depressed and grief-stricken by it all. I feel bad for being sad, I feel bad for being happy about anything. I don't know what to do.

[Seafood]

Don't say that. Why are you guilty? Cause you thought she was pretty?

Jealousy is normal and you should NOT feel guilty for someone taking their own life unless you did something directly. EVER.

[Kotokochan]

Well, she's back at school now so I feel a bit better. The problem is that she overheard me talking about him (her ex, my crush) today or someone else may have told her I like him. They had a really.....complicated? dramatic? relationship, and she wants him back, but he hated her. No one can deny that the relationship may have played a part, at least in her mind. But..I still really like him. And it's only a matter of time before she finds out, and I'm scared if she does, she'll do something bad again. It's stupid that I worry about it, but I can't help it.