Why are girls fickle in love?

[Paladino]

It seems to me like some girls can't make up their minds when it comes to guys and lead some of us unfortunate souls on for ages until we can't take it anymore and end up going crazy over them. Why do fickle girls do this? Cause all it is doing is hurting the guy.

[Captain Canada]

The way you worded that sounds extremely ignorant, but I actually get what you mean. I've been in a situation where a girl I really liked said she liked me, but a week later after I confessed to her she said she was dating someone else. I guess girls are more likely to be attracted to people so they are more likely to lead several guys on. That's just my guess though... Honestly I have no idea

[Elysium]

You're blaming girls for being unsure of their own feelings. Maybe it's not them, but you. Don't blame all your feelings and pain on girls; they can't help that you like them.

[Paladino]

I'm not I just don't think its fair if a girl goes constantly changes her mind about the guy, because how is that supposed to make him feel? It can ruin peoples confidence and faith in other people & i'm trying to understand the female mind a bit more.

[Elysium]

How do you think she feels, being so confused and unsure about her own feelings? You're making it sound as though it's all about you. Would you rather she force herself into something she's unsure about and perhaps even uncomfortable with, just for your peace of mind? If your confidence is being undermined so easily, and by someone else nonetheless, then I think the problem is yours, not hers.

Although, to be fair, I guess I don't know the situation, since you are being rather vague about it. It'd be one thing if a girl kept agreeing to be in a relationship and then breaking it off over and over - in that case or something similar, I can see why you'd be frustrated. But, like Captain said, the way you're wording this could probably be a little better. What is the situation, anyway? Perhaps that'd help answer your questions.

[Paladino]

I don't understand how it can be my problem if we were together for a year n a half and every two days or so nowadays she says she can't do it anymore but then later that night she will say sorry & that she didn't mean it, I've not got a problem with her trying to figure out what she wants its the fact the changes her mind so frequently & the problem is that it feels like I'm just on a string - long story short, thats the situation.

I want to understand it more and why she is feeling like this so I can figure out what would be best to do.

[Elysium]

Knowing the situation helps a lot, because my opinion is a little different. I think you ought to muster up your confidence and don't let her hurt you any further. She's not doing it deliberately and it's not fair for either of you to keep going on this way. Just tell her how you feel and that you don't have the patience for it and maybe you shouldn't put up with it much, if any, longer.

[Paladino]

I know, but a lot of the time now she just acts different with me and it hurts and I don't want to give up and she says she doesn't either she just feels weird about it. Bla Bla, I will probably get a message from her when she is home about us and then we will be ok until the next time she decides she doesn't "want it" anymore :(

[Elysium]

I know exactly how you feel, honestly, but it's not worth it. The two of you can't keep going like this, as it's obviously hurting both of you. And I know the thought of ending it for good hurts even more, but think about it in the long run.

[Paladino]

It's a gut wrenching feeling.

[Elysium]

I know. Don't rush into it immediately, but give it some thought.

[Paladino]

Well I used to like being the centre of her world, even though some times at the time it was annoying because she hardly left me alone, but now that shes not as attached anymore it makes me feel like she doesn't feel close to me anymore, usually I would be receiving her unconditional love but now I feel like I have to earn it and sometimes it doesn't feel as good as it was but it feels like to me its her fault because I am trying my best to make it work and cuddle with her and stuff but she barely ever wants to. She will say to me "I can't wait to see you & cuddle you all night bla bla" then when it comes she barely even touches me and when I try to she says she is uncomfortable and she just lies beside me when I used to hardly be able to get her off me.

I love the girl, and if it was anyone any other girl I would have got rid of her, but its not just any girl, its her! It's the girl I have had my eyes set on for years before this because we were just friends waiting until the right time I would say. Is there any going back or is this just slowly going to get worse? I'd like to hope for a better future, but if she isn't willing then I can't really do anything about it.

[Elysium]

It's not any one person's fault, even though it might be easier to have someone or something as a scapegoat. Life sucks and it's unfair and that's really all it is. I went through the same exact thing you're going through now and I made the mistake of sticking with it, even knowing it probably wasn't a good idea. It caused us both a lot of pain and heartache, especially since there was never any closure to be had. I can't say it'll happen the exact same way for you, but I've definitely learned something from my experience.

[Paladino]

I've had my experience of a relationship similar to this one, we split for a few weeks and then when we got back together, it wasn't quite the same and ultimately we ended over a petty argument but I guess I subconciously didn't want it and didn't make an effort to get her back. This girl means more to me than anyone in the world & the relationship matters a whole deal more to me than the previous one and she doesn't show me her emotions much anymore either, some times more than others but I hardly know how she feels about it inside because one minute shes happy with it then the next she needs to re-evaluate the situation or some shit like that. But if she feels the same way why wouldn't she want to give it another go and try and get there again and I don't know maybe a month or 2 down the line if it isn't working and doesn't look like it will again then end the relationship because we both know for definite that theres no potential anymore. The only way I could finish with her for good is if we fell out or something and she went and slept with another guy straight away then try and come back to me or if she cheated in general. Love makes you blind they say, and I can't find any bad points about her even though I know there is some.