username-is-taken
November 8th, 2014, 09:11 PM
Hey guys and gals,
So I’m a new member here, I found this forum while Googling to see if any people have been through anything similar to my situation. So my first post is going to be a very long one.
(I hope it’s not a problem that the title of my post is not very descriptive, this story is very long and because of the character limit I couldn’t fit a summary in the title no matter which way I tried)
I am probably the most confused about my feelings I have been in a long time. It’s now 01:45 AM and I’ve gotten out of bed to write this, because I can’t stop thinking about it instead of going to sleep.
Grab yourself a cup of tea and your favourite cookie, because it’s going to be a long wall of text...
So first, a little bit (a lot) of back story is needed. I have always been a guy that likes doing stuff behind his computer. Playing games, browsing forums, learning to program, you name it. At any given time, you can say that I’m doing something on the computer and you’ll probably be right.
In the past, when I was still a little kiddo in primary school, that really hurt the development of my social skills. I didn’t have a lot of friends, because I was doing something on the computer instead of being outside with friends.
Over the last few years (I’m now practically 18, will be in less than a month), I’ve tried to change that, and I should say that I’ve been pretty successful. I can now talk to anyone and have a pretty good conversation. I wouldn’t have been able to do that a few years ago.
However, there is one area of my social skills which have still stayed behind: anything to do with dating, having a girlfriend, that kind of stuff. I don’t even have the slightest idea how I should approach a girl I like.
Now, you might think: ‘oh I know where this is going, he has a crush and doesn’t know what to do’. Actually, it’s not about that, but that plays a big role. More backstory, yay!
So when I first got into high school, my general social skills were also not that good. So I had a crush on a girl (let’s call her Girl A) for a Long Bloody Time(tm) and I didn’t even try to approach her because I was that awkward. That crush must’ve lasted for one or two years, IIRC.
Then, I had a crush on another girl (Girl B). This time around I did actually make friends with her. But I was still too awkward to tell her about my feelings. Finally after about two years I asked her out, and she told me she didn’t feel the same. So, we tried staying friends. Biggest mistake of my life yet. See, the problem is, if you have had a crush for two years it’s a really big deal, and you can’t just stop having that crush. So she saw me as a friend but I still had feelings for her. After another year or so it got so annoying and it disrupted my life so much that I just cut her out and stopped talking to her. And with success, because I never think about her nowadays.
Another important girl is Girl C. I totally did not have any kind of feelings towards Girl C, but then she started flirting with me. So I tried to politely turn her down only to find out that it was not flirting, but she’s just very touchy-feely with her friends. So after finding that out, and never having had feelings towards her, I suddenly developed a bit of a crush on her! What the fck, feelings? Mind you it was nowhere near as big of a deal as Girls A and B were, but still a crush nonetheless.
So after my crushes on Girls A, B and C, I started feeling quite lonely (this was about a year ago). You might be able to imagine what it feels like as a 17 year old guy never having had a girlfriend. I didn’t have a crush at the time, but I was just missing somebody to love in my life. At the risk of sounding very philosophical, I was missing somebody to hug and cuddle, somebody to comfort and to give up my own comfort for if necessary, someone of who I could happily devote my time and effort to loving her. And I still feel this way sometimes, all the more because most of my friends seem to have been dating very happily (some for multiple years).
So you can imagine that about a year ago I felt like a guy who could not find love for the life of him. Like a guy who would maybe never have a girlfriend.
Another detour of the story. Some months ago I made a new (female) friend (Girl D). We hit it off pretty well, and after a while I started thinking of her as my best friend, even more so because I had gotten into quite the quarrel with my only other good friend, Girl E, at the time (don’t worry, all has been forgiven and forgotten now, though the friendship between me and Girl E is still nowhere near the same level it once was).
(And if you’re wondering, yes most of my friends are girls, I seem to hit it off better with girls than with guys. For me, there’s something about being friends with a guy that makes it awkward to talk about some stuff. I can be platonic friends with a guy but not much more)
Back to what I was telling about Girl D. So me and Girl D were pretty good friends after a while. This is when, a few days ago, she tells me she’s kind of into me! Only I’m not into her and she knows this...
And on top of that there is also since a few months a Girl F who’s into me, but I’m not into her! (I haven’t mentioned Girl F earlier because I maybe only see her once a month in school and I kind of half-ignore her for lack of a better thing to do, but she’s into me all the same)
So, I have gone from being a guy who’s into girls who are not into him, to feeling like a guy who would never accomplish something girlfriend-wise, to a guy who has two girls who are into him but he’s not into them. Basically I’ve made a complete U-turn.
So, I really don’t know what to do here, about my feelings which are now all over the place because I totally wasn’t expecting this, but also about what I should do regarding my friendship with Girl D.
Girl D has told me that even though she knows I don’t have feelings for her, she felt like I should know that she had feelings for me, and she would like to stay ‘just friends’ if I’m not into her.
I don’t know if Girl D is ‘a little’ or ‘a lot’ into me, but I want to avoid a reverse Girl B-scenario at all costs, where we would stay ‘just friends’ but she’s still really into me. I know how much that toys with your feelings (to the point where I had to cut Girl B out of my life because it was getting too annoying). I don’t want to be responsible for that, especially because Girl D is a nice girl, I wouldn’t wish that on her...
However, as I have said she is a person who I would call my best friend, and she is a genuinely really cool person. It’s not that I can’t make other friends, but if I cut her out, both of us are going to feel really shit about it.
And I would also like to avoid a Girl C-scenario where I’m not into her when I can get her but when I’ve rejected her I suddenly am into her!
On top of this my feelings are just all over the place, I don’t know what to think of this whole situation. I guess I was not prepared for this because I have always been the guy who can’t get a girl for the life of him. (Trust me that was not nice either but at least my feelings knew what to do)
Wow, if anyone has made it through the whole story, I commend your dedication. You are an awesome person for having read all this.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to accomplish by having written this down for you guys to read. I also don’t know why I’ve written two pages of back story, because there’s enough personal details in there that anyone who knows me a little can put 1 and 1 together (let’s hope that nobody I know visits this site). I guess maybe I needed to write it off me. Or maybe I’m looking for some kind of validation. I really don’t know anything at this moment...
I guess I should end this piece by asking all of you: have you been through anything like this before? Or a similar situation? How did you feel? How did you handle it? Anyone with tips for me out there?
It’s now 2:45 AM (wow, I’ve spent an hour writing this, except stuff for school that’s the longest I’ve ever spent writing something). I’m signing off for now. If I can get to sleep, I’ll be back tomorrow, if not, I’ll be back later this night.
- The Confused Guy
So I’m a new member here, I found this forum while Googling to see if any people have been through anything similar to my situation. So my first post is going to be a very long one.
(I hope it’s not a problem that the title of my post is not very descriptive, this story is very long and because of the character limit I couldn’t fit a summary in the title no matter which way I tried)
I am probably the most confused about my feelings I have been in a long time. It’s now 01:45 AM and I’ve gotten out of bed to write this, because I can’t stop thinking about it instead of going to sleep.
Grab yourself a cup of tea and your favourite cookie, because it’s going to be a long wall of text...
So first, a little bit (a lot) of back story is needed. I have always been a guy that likes doing stuff behind his computer. Playing games, browsing forums, learning to program, you name it. At any given time, you can say that I’m doing something on the computer and you’ll probably be right.
In the past, when I was still a little kiddo in primary school, that really hurt the development of my social skills. I didn’t have a lot of friends, because I was doing something on the computer instead of being outside with friends.
Over the last few years (I’m now practically 18, will be in less than a month), I’ve tried to change that, and I should say that I’ve been pretty successful. I can now talk to anyone and have a pretty good conversation. I wouldn’t have been able to do that a few years ago.
However, there is one area of my social skills which have still stayed behind: anything to do with dating, having a girlfriend, that kind of stuff. I don’t even have the slightest idea how I should approach a girl I like.
Now, you might think: ‘oh I know where this is going, he has a crush and doesn’t know what to do’. Actually, it’s not about that, but that plays a big role. More backstory, yay!
So when I first got into high school, my general social skills were also not that good. So I had a crush on a girl (let’s call her Girl A) for a Long Bloody Time(tm) and I didn’t even try to approach her because I was that awkward. That crush must’ve lasted for one or two years, IIRC.
Then, I had a crush on another girl (Girl B). This time around I did actually make friends with her. But I was still too awkward to tell her about my feelings. Finally after about two years I asked her out, and she told me she didn’t feel the same. So, we tried staying friends. Biggest mistake of my life yet. See, the problem is, if you have had a crush for two years it’s a really big deal, and you can’t just stop having that crush. So she saw me as a friend but I still had feelings for her. After another year or so it got so annoying and it disrupted my life so much that I just cut her out and stopped talking to her. And with success, because I never think about her nowadays.
Another important girl is Girl C. I totally did not have any kind of feelings towards Girl C, but then she started flirting with me. So I tried to politely turn her down only to find out that it was not flirting, but she’s just very touchy-feely with her friends. So after finding that out, and never having had feelings towards her, I suddenly developed a bit of a crush on her! What the fck, feelings? Mind you it was nowhere near as big of a deal as Girls A and B were, but still a crush nonetheless.
So after my crushes on Girls A, B and C, I started feeling quite lonely (this was about a year ago). You might be able to imagine what it feels like as a 17 year old guy never having had a girlfriend. I didn’t have a crush at the time, but I was just missing somebody to love in my life. At the risk of sounding very philosophical, I was missing somebody to hug and cuddle, somebody to comfort and to give up my own comfort for if necessary, someone of who I could happily devote my time and effort to loving her. And I still feel this way sometimes, all the more because most of my friends seem to have been dating very happily (some for multiple years).
So you can imagine that about a year ago I felt like a guy who could not find love for the life of him. Like a guy who would maybe never have a girlfriend.
Another detour of the story. Some months ago I made a new (female) friend (Girl D). We hit it off pretty well, and after a while I started thinking of her as my best friend, even more so because I had gotten into quite the quarrel with my only other good friend, Girl E, at the time (don’t worry, all has been forgiven and forgotten now, though the friendship between me and Girl E is still nowhere near the same level it once was).
(And if you’re wondering, yes most of my friends are girls, I seem to hit it off better with girls than with guys. For me, there’s something about being friends with a guy that makes it awkward to talk about some stuff. I can be platonic friends with a guy but not much more)
Back to what I was telling about Girl D. So me and Girl D were pretty good friends after a while. This is when, a few days ago, she tells me she’s kind of into me! Only I’m not into her and she knows this...
And on top of that there is also since a few months a Girl F who’s into me, but I’m not into her! (I haven’t mentioned Girl F earlier because I maybe only see her once a month in school and I kind of half-ignore her for lack of a better thing to do, but she’s into me all the same)
So, I have gone from being a guy who’s into girls who are not into him, to feeling like a guy who would never accomplish something girlfriend-wise, to a guy who has two girls who are into him but he’s not into them. Basically I’ve made a complete U-turn.
So, I really don’t know what to do here, about my feelings which are now all over the place because I totally wasn’t expecting this, but also about what I should do regarding my friendship with Girl D.
Girl D has told me that even though she knows I don’t have feelings for her, she felt like I should know that she had feelings for me, and she would like to stay ‘just friends’ if I’m not into her.
I don’t know if Girl D is ‘a little’ or ‘a lot’ into me, but I want to avoid a reverse Girl B-scenario at all costs, where we would stay ‘just friends’ but she’s still really into me. I know how much that toys with your feelings (to the point where I had to cut Girl B out of my life because it was getting too annoying). I don’t want to be responsible for that, especially because Girl D is a nice girl, I wouldn’t wish that on her...
However, as I have said she is a person who I would call my best friend, and she is a genuinely really cool person. It’s not that I can’t make other friends, but if I cut her out, both of us are going to feel really shit about it.
And I would also like to avoid a Girl C-scenario where I’m not into her when I can get her but when I’ve rejected her I suddenly am into her!
On top of this my feelings are just all over the place, I don’t know what to think of this whole situation. I guess I was not prepared for this because I have always been the guy who can’t get a girl for the life of him. (Trust me that was not nice either but at least my feelings knew what to do)
Wow, if anyone has made it through the whole story, I commend your dedication. You are an awesome person for having read all this.
I don’t really know what I’m trying to accomplish by having written this down for you guys to read. I also don’t know why I’ve written two pages of back story, because there’s enough personal details in there that anyone who knows me a little can put 1 and 1 together (let’s hope that nobody I know visits this site). I guess maybe I needed to write it off me. Or maybe I’m looking for some kind of validation. I really don’t know anything at this moment...
I guess I should end this piece by asking all of you: have you been through anything like this before? Or a similar situation? How did you feel? How did you handle it? Anyone with tips for me out there?
It’s now 2:45 AM (wow, I’ve spent an hour writing this, except stuff for school that’s the longest I’ve ever spent writing something). I’m signing off for now. If I can get to sleep, I’ll be back tomorrow, if not, I’ll be back later this night.
- The Confused Guy