Confronted by my Mother

[BookSmart]

So I've been self harming for a while now. My parents and friends are aware of that. I don't go around advertiesing it, but I don't gernerally make much of an atempt to hide it either. If someone confronts me about it, I'm generally honest.

So, I'm not quite sure why it bothers me so much that my mom approached me today about the subect. September and October were reallly rough months for me, and I ended up cutting in more obvious places then I would usually have opted for (not necessarily because I wanted it to show, I just needed to get a different kind of feeling out of it). My friends noticed relatively quickly, and within a little more than a week, ended up pulling me off to an isolated corner of the school so they could talk about it with me, and make sure I was okay.

Today, more than two months down the line, my Mom finally decided to talk to me about the same issue, and asked a question she obviously knew the answer to: have you been cutting again? I guess it just bothers me that it took her this long to ask. I mean, I know I wasn't necessarily talking openly about it, but I just guess if she's so concerned about it, why not have talked to me before, when I was way worse off? Did it seriously have to take two months of me excusing the scratches and cuts on my body as accidents or results of trips and falls? Multiple razor blades accidentally left out and found by various family members? (which I guess I should be more careful about putting away in the future)

And then to frustrate me further, my Mom essentially told me that the whole question was meaningless because she wouldn't believe me no matter what I said (and I did give an honest answer, the cuts she asked about were weeks old), and that she was going to tattle on me ad tell my counselor (not that that matters because she already knows I've been self harming).

....sorry that turned into a rather incomprehensible rant. I''m just inexplicably frustrated about this and needed to get this out.

[PonY]

Being angry with your mother for not asking you sooner is ill fated. Not knowing why she didn't make sense as you have never been in those shoes. Though I guess neither have I hmm?

Non the less mothers can seem like they do not care for not asking sooner. Though in reality the reason they did not ask is because they fear the answer. The thought of her child hurting one's self is a very much so horrible thought. She didn't ask you simply because she did not want to know the answer even if she knows it already. Hearing it for the first time was bad enough. Knowing that it has continued is even worse. Keep in mind what it does to your mother, father, brother or whoever else is a part of your life.

I fully understand how you feel and how much you want to do it. As a self Harmer myself and someone who has been confronted by his mother as well I understand how much it hurts everyone. Sure, it feels good for a while. Feels good to have the blood run down your arm, but remember who it is hurting. You are hurting, I know, but others can hurt just as you are.

You are not alone in your situation. I have come a long ways from where I was at your age. In fact, I was in a much harder place than you are now. I was institutionalized for several months in an attempt to help me. Granted, it did many things to help me, however at the time and even now it hurts me more than it helped. Though I must remember that I was put there because the people in my life cared about me. They wanted to help. Motors cannot be held responsible for ones harming. However, no matter how much they are not at fault. They will always feel that way.

None of that made sense, I am sure, but maybe I don't know.

[BookSmart]

No that makes sense. I guess the whole thong is just frustrating, because a lot's been going on recently. Thanks for the response though, it helps to know I can come on VT and have people who understand.

[JamesSuperBoy]

I have no experience of this but maybe your mom just waited until either she felt she could ask and you were in a good way to ask. But for sure Vt is here and always will be.