Parents might be gettinh a divorce... Need advice

[hrdssml2]

Hi there...

So my dad revealed 5 years ago that he has an affair. As with any story, it was with one of my mother's friends. For the past 5 years he keeps on saying that it'll all work out and my mother and i shouldn't worry. This past weekend it was my half sister's (yes my dad was married before with 3 kids) baby shower and my father attend which is normal for any parent. But he didn't inform us about it. So through social media we discovered that he attended the baby shower with the other woman. Yet on Friday he once again said all will be fixed soon. So he was lying to my face. My mother is extremely hurt by all of this (as usual. He was and will always be her first love) and she feels guilty for all this drama as I'm currently busy with my year end exams. She said that in January she is applying for divorce. I should also add that my father has started and stopped the divorce process twice before. I haven't felt anything in years. He hasn't lived with us the last 5 years. My mother and i have been living alone and coping. I'm not sure if it is normal feeling absolutely nothing. Sometimes it adds to when I'm feeling down and alone. I have a lot of people i can discuss this with but no one who really understands and who will give good advice. I don't feel depressed by this.

Can any one offer some advice? Like i really don't know what to do or feel.

I'm sorry if there is already a post with this or so.

Thanks in advance

[Desuetude]

I guess there's so much going on and you've been dealing with it for so long that your way of coping has been just to shut down and block out how you feel about it. I mean it's not that you're okay with it? It's just that you literally feeel nothing? Yeah, sounds like a coping mechanism.

If he's been using these false promises for 5 years and he's not been living up to them then it sounds like you and your mum would probably benefit from a divorce. If you're managing okay now and he's not living with you or caring for you then I'm sure with the support of each other you'll be able to deal with the stress and hardships that comes with the process but that doesn't last and especially if you're staying with only one parent then it can come as a relief to just break ties and get on with your life. It's not like you'd never have to see him but to me it sounds like by staying together your mum is just getting hurt and by staying married she won't be able to move on from him. Sure it wouldn't happen quickly but by getting a divorce at least she'd be giving herself a change to start again.

I don't know if this is what you wanted to hear but I just wanted to be as honest as I could. My parents divorced 9 years ago and it was mutual because it was almost as though 2 people that hated each other were forced to live together. I mean, it's not easy and as I've been brought up in a divorced household I guess I learnt to adapt my emotions so I didn't go through the stages of feeling nothing. It's said to be harder for a teenager to watch their parents divorce and I guess in a way when you're properly aware with an understanding of what's happening it is harder.

I guess it could be considered normal, it's not healthy but yeah it's probably quite likely to happen in your situation. By blocking it all out and subconsiously making yourself feel nothing it's not helping, if you're expressing your emotions at least it's some form of a release, you're letting things out instead of letting it build up until it gets to be too much. Maybe try writing down how you feel or what's been happening. If you need someone to talk to that's been through the repercussions of a divorce then I'll be happy to listen and do my best to put your mind at ease.

I hope this was somewhat helpful but I'm sorry if it's all stuff you've heard before.

[ksdnfkfr]

Well it sounds like the marriage was over a long time ago, if it's been that long since your dad lived with you. It seems natural to be apathetic the way this has dragged on. You sound understandably worn out by it. My advice is to go on with your life business as usual best you can.

[JamesSuperBoy]

Why would he inform you or anyone about attending anything - if he has been out your life for 5 years then it is natural you feel nothing.