Need urgent advice regarding a friend

[ryaneca]

Hi everyone. I appreciate you taking the time to read this thread and I hope you can possibly give me some advice

Well, for the past 2 years my life has been hell. I fell in love with my straight best friend and got too attached, and went through a whole ton of stuff (I could easily write a whole thread on it, but it's over now). He was the first person I came out to, and unfortunately he was homophobic and it ruined our friendship. I cried almost everyday, and felt like I had no one to turn to. I forced distance between us and eventually (around 4 months ago) I got over him, and I was finally relatively happy again - even if it was 2 years later.

Because I felt much more positive, I recently came out to 10 of my real life friends - all in one go. These were the first 10 I'd told since the guy above, and their reactions were really kind and I felt much more confident.

However, there's a problem. I went on a camp a few months back and I shared a tent with a guy called Jacob (I go to scouts and he goes to my unit, but I hadn't really talked to him before). We talked all night, and I felt we had a lot in common. The camp was great, and I really thought I'd met a new friend. However, he didn't reply to my messages after the camp (which in some ways I'm glad about). Anyway, moving on, another camp followed a month after, and once again we ended up spending it together. However, this time I feel we got much closer and he started telling me secrets (including the fact he'd had gay thoughts). After this camp, he messaged me and we spent a night talking to each other about random stuff and he has also started talking to me more at scouts itself. I decided to ask if he wanted to go and see a movie with me, and we went today. It was really good - but my fear has come true.

I can feel myself starting to like him, and it's just as if the whole situation I had 2 years ago is about to start again. At the moment, we're just at the start of our friendship, so I want to act while I can and hopefully stop a lot of pain. I'm not sure what his sexuality is, although if you followed stereotypes, you could say he acts a little 'camp'. However, at the same time, he once told me how he found some girl from a movie hot, so that cancels it out. Bi? I'm not sure. I reckon he's probably straight and I'm just playing on hope as I always do

I'm scared that I'm going to like him more and more as we become closer friends, so I'm considering stopping it while I can (without upsetting him). However, what if he's gay? What if it could be the start of my first relationship? I considered telling him I'm gay, but then what if it makes him suspect I like him and creeps him out (considering we only became proper friends a few weeks ago, after the second camp). My head's a mess and I really don't want to repeat what happened 2 years ago. Please help

[Cook my Sock]

Hi everyone. I appreciate you taking the time to read this thread and I hope you can possibly give me some advice

He might be curious or gay because you said he said he'd had gay thought's and seems a little camp which could mean something. As for him saying he find's a girl hot he could just be trying to throw you off his track. (Which I do myself sometimes with my friend's)

What you need to do is to wait it out a bit longer and see how thing's go between you guy's because your friendship is still new and stuff could happen between now and the near future, perhaps if you wait it out he'll start to come out of his shell and open up a bit more as he gains your trust and when you feel comfortable you should come out to him. Doing that might encourage him to come out to you about his feelings as well.

That's all I can suggest. Take what I said with a pinch of salt and sorry if this didn't help but I hope it does.

[crazy_daug]

Just keep talking to him. I mean, you can still be friends and all, and he's had gay thoughts to some degree, so he can sort of relate. But, don't ever go too far. Just get to know him more and make sure that if and when you tell him you're gay, try to be prepare for anything. But good luck otherwise. :)

[James Dean]

Stop comparing all these events together. No two people are the same, just because you had a bad experience with person A under similar circumstances, doesn't mean that person B is going to follow suit with the same outcome.

I would probably just come clean to him and say that you find him attractive and ask if he likes guys. That could end the issue right there. Don't be anxious or scared to ask. Think of how relieved you would be if you knew. You could be able to move forward with your relationship or feelings for him, or you would avoid what happened last time. Either way it's a good outcome for you as I know you will continue to stay friends with him. Cheer up about it, stop worrying. You'll be fine, I'm sure of it. :)