Moving

[DeadEyes]

So, that's it, I will have to move very soon now. We have lived in this governmental social housing for years which has 3 bedrooms, my sister left years ago, my mother died and now I'm alone in this apartment that's too big and according to the law I have to move to a smaller one.
In the last few years, my mom was very sick and they didn't bother us too much to move since her health was too fragile to move, but now that I'm alone, they're in a hurry to make me move.
Since my mother died, I haven't touched anything in her room, I just can't. Leaving things as they are and living on "autopilot" if I can say, was the only thing that gave me the impression she wasn't gone since long.
I cannot and I don't want to make the effort to get rid of almost everything and move the rest elsewhere, I'm completely stuck.
So that's it, I hit a wall right now, I'm not moving from here. I told my mom I couldn't live alone and the only thing that kept me alive so far is this illusion she isn't gone since long.
Now, I'm sure you see where I'm going with this, somehow I knew I was going to die in this apartment, but now it's crystal clear.

[SethfromMI]

woa woa woa hang on there. take a deep breathe and than another.

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. it must be so very heart breaking.
I am so sad to hear they are making you move. I could tell you why the government is doing it for practical reasons, but that is not something you want to hear right now

but this is not something to do something stupid with your life. a house is just a house and apartment is just an apartment. it is not home. home is made by the people who live there.

look at this as a new chapter in life. is there somewhere you wanted to live? now is the time to consider it. I know it may seem like a burden with all of that stuff, but what stuff you don't want to donate to charity, you can always store it in storage until you get the chance to move it somewhere else.

life is too precious and beautiful to throw it away on a house. I know you have lived there for a time and you have many memories there. but look at this as a chance to make some new memories.

I know time is of the essence. ask to stay with a friend or family and consider where you may want to go or do. it sounds like the government is still going to technically give you a place to live. who is to say you got to live there forever though?

your life is too precious to throw away on a house though. no life is worth that. not if it has one room, 3 rooms, or 150 rooms.

just don't give up. I know it is hard and it may even get a little harder, but never give up.

[DeadEyes]

I am so sorry to hear of your mother's passing. it must be so very heart breaking.
but this is not something to do something stupid with your life.
look at this as a new chapter in life.
life is too precious and beautiful to throw it away on a house.
ask to stay with a friend or family and consider where you may want to go or do.
your life is too precious to throw away on a house though.

No, it was not heartbreaking, I am heartless. I don't consider suicide to be stupid. This is the last chapter of my life. This is your point of view on life, mine is the opposite, it's worthless and ugly. I'm all alone on my own by choice. Again, I do not consider life to have any value, including mine.