Insanity

[Lovelife090994]

I don't have a clear answer but for some reason I am questioning my sanity daily. Half of the time I am nearly emotionless and numb or secretly hating those around me. I still feel depressed, hopeless, and sometimes lonely despite liking to be alone. But my issue is how I keep talking to myself and how I wish I was insane. I have no idea why. In my mind I kind of wish I was crazy to keep from crying and to keep m familiar who I detest away. I know I can't be alone and confused forever but for some reason the premise of psychosis sounds very intriguing. I know, maybe I am crazy if I'm wishing I was. Maybe I am a bad apple in the head. I hate people so much and fear people to an extent. I crave being independent and hate it when I have to tag along with others. Yes that's unrealistic I am aware, but I can't shake the feelings. I wish I knew what my problems were.

I have major anxiety to new things, people, and my mental state. I still hate myself and struggle to put my feelings into words as well. And sometimes like today I seem to check out reality and feel like I'm drifting. And sometimes I feel like love is impossible and doesn't exist; at least for me anyway. I don't know what's going on in my head. I also have little to no passion for anything. In fact I'm taking a break from art since I can't force myself out of my block of a week-going-on-two now.

[Karkat]

No. No. NoNoNoNoNo. You do not want to experience psychosis. You think you're anxious now? Imagine being entirely out of control of yourself, and having to worry that you could become someone else at any time. I have experienced it before, and I ended up nearly killing myself, and I could've potentially hurt someone I care/d very deeply about.

So while I understand what you're saying, you don't want psychosis.

And as far as talking to yourself, I do it all the time. Tons of people do. That's whatever.

I know you're really confused right now, but you're not "crazy". You just need to be in a better situation, and maybe some guidance... Which sadly I cannot offer. I'm equally as lost.

[Lovelife090994]

No. No. NoNoNoNoNo. You do not want to experience psychosis. You think you're anxious now? Imagine being entirely out of control of yourself, and having to worry that you could become someone else at any time. I have experienced it before, and I ended up nearly killing myself, and I could've potentially hurt someone I care/d very deeply about.

So while I understand what you're saying, you don't want psychosis.

And as far as talking to yourself, I do it all the time. Tons of people do. That's whatever.

I know you're really confused right now, but you're not "crazy". You just need to be in a better situation, and maybe some guidance... Which sadly I cannot offer. I'm equally as lost.

I've done that already... I lash out more in words and thoughts of hatred and killing... I don't do it of course. I know psychosis is bad but I already feel like I'm out of control already and like I'm one tick from snapping.

[Karkat]

I've done that already... I lash out more in words and thoughts of hatred and killing... I don't do it of course. I know psychosis is bad but I already feel like I'm out of control already and like I'm one tick from snapping.

Well you don't want to snap, believe me. I mean, if it happens, what are you gonna do, ya know? But you shouldn't focus your energy on "snapping"...

[Lovelife090994]

Well you don't want to snap, believe me. I mean, if it happens, what are you gonna do, ya know? But you shouldn't focus your energy on "snapping"...

Lately snapping sounds great to escape my pain. But I have no idea what I'd end up doing because of it... I rarely hallucinate but the fact I hallucinate at all is bad.

[Karkat]

Lately snapping sounds great to escape my pain. But I have no idea what I'd end up doing because of it... I rarely hallucinate but the fact I hallucinate at all is bad.

Hah, I feel you there...

[Lovelife090994]

Hah, I feel you there...

(Sigh) sorry I took up your time but thanks for replying to the woes of a sad young adult.

[Karkat]

(Sigh) sorry I took up your time but thanks for replying to the woes of a sad young adult.

No, you're fine. :) Anytime