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Typhlosion
October 21st, 2014, 04:58 PM
Warning: if you don't want to be shocked/lose respect for me, it's best not to read.

Ya know, this has been on my chest for a long time, and a very recent series of events makes me share this with you guys, plus inspiration from the chat room about parents abusing kids. As VirtualTeen is a help site, I guess it's most dishonest if you hide your own problems.


Physical abuse


For some reason, I was never comfortable with my family. No, my parents and sister are OK (got my issues, but almost irrelevant) but the whole setting, the "home" I live in, for some reason, doesn't agree with me. Like my parents say, on good times a week or two pass by that I'm not fighting with everyone. I know I have some problems with anger control (in Germany, 7-9 years old, I fought literally every other day) but it seems very restricted to this setting.

So I fight a lot. Okay, no biggie. The problem is when things go overboard. I first started venting, in heated discussions (read: shouting at each other for at least 2 hours), at objects, sometimes braking them. As I vented, my father started to act more defensive over time. And as he became defensive, more he put me down to the floor and gave me a time out out of home. These things are really aggressive too, once he chipped my tooth after accidentally hitting me with his elbow.

After a while, I started reacting to my father. At first I would be put down almost immediately, maybe he received a few punches but nothing bad. But I grew older, stronger, and smarter. This later evolved to throwing stuff at my father, anything from cookies to boxes to a fan and even a wooden chair. If I'm not wrong, the same night I threw the fan the fight got so bad, but so so bad, that my father was threatening me with a plastic chair while I was at the other side of the living room with a knife in my hand. And at that point, I was ready for the kill. Nothing happened with that, thankfully.

That was last year. This year I was pent up, another fight happened. It was about the house not being tidy, at all, and noone did anything to help that. I proceeded with my notebook and loudspeakers in my parents room (which they didn't sleep in because there was so much junk a top of the bed) and said I would clean up. Things evolved, verbally, to the point where I and my father were going at "don't touch me" waiting for the other to move. As my cellphone was playing music, and was above the mattress laid on the wall (they really didn't use the bed), my father reached for it and, well, I reacted. My dad was trying to push me down while I was trying to push him into the walls, to hurt him, and at a point where he almost got me...

I strangled my father.
(And I am still proud that I managed to do that, by the way. He's big)

And I only let go because my mother was telling me to let go because I was holding him for too long, and she said that my father would stop if I let go. I let go, my father pushed the unexpecting me with full force to the ground, and as he was about to take action he had a heart attack. I made my father have a heart attack.

Nothing physical has happened since.

As a bonus section, my sister is, at a lesser degree, also not exempt from this. I'm sure I've kicked her, with force, several times. I occasionally punch her when she's really disagreeable (she uses me for entertainment though, it sucks) and I've even gone to the extent of punching her in her sleep because of my misophonia, back in the day.


Mental abuse


I am also a manipulative bastard. You know what was the result of the last fight? An extra 5$ in my pocket, daily. And going to home less. I blended the whole confusion with coming back home (which I dislike, as I said above) and the bus tickets aren't cheap, so I said, contempt with the bus expenses, that I would only return that day, to my university, by taxi, that would cost as much as a month's worth of going to and fro from uni and home. And I smile at the results.

This week I pushed even further. While I was/am truly depressed at my situation (bad grades, lack of anything, poorly eating) I told my parents to call me, and I pouted a bit too much - almost half an hour of wailing that college is over. And at a point of the conversation I had gotten what I wanted, to stay at college even if I don't pass all my courses. Since I pouted too much, I returned home to rectify the situation.

I was truly upset, and started saying way too much foul language with my mother at the supermarket. I remember my mother said something I got irritated at, and, in the middle of the parking lot, I said I wanted so badly to punch her face and called her a slut (or, "vadia" in portuguese) for emphasis. What followed was a three hour fight, inside the car, with my parents, which included threatening my father with the previous choking, they telling me to go and never come back, calling my dad an immoral piece of shit (he is a racist, anti-gay guy and a bigot, truly), criticism on both person's lives (my father never had a job, me doing poorly at college). At least three police cars passed by when we stopped at the curb. And you know what? I got what I wanted, five more years at university paid by my parents. It did have some backlash (less money for food), but I... kinda consider the result as profit.

I've also manipulated them many times in the past, but not like this.


Wrapping up


I got problems, no doubt, but come on. How in the fuck do they still support me? I don't think any of your parents would tolerate a tenth of this. And I still hate being home, it's the number one reason I study in a different state and, as i told them many times, I'd probably die of depression if I stayed home. I hate the setting. People? They're ok. Not my faves, save maybe my mother, but they're not bad to deserve this shit.

It took me 18 years to figure out that, holy shit, how in the fuck are they still tolerating me. It's not in orders of a simple apology, but I'm 101% sure that I want to correct my past. And myself, of course. Everyone in my family, including myself, are so hesitant to any change.

I'm not this guy in the inside, or, well, that's nothing I ever wish I could be. I don't think I'm ever too honest with myself, and I really want to work on that, and I feel like this would be the best and greatest step forward.

Yeah, you know.
Getting to know Alex, I guess.

Cangirl
October 21st, 2014, 05:08 PM
They support you because you're their son. I know my mom and dad would support my brothers and sister and me in anything. But I think maybe you need to talk to your doctor to find out whats going on before you hurt somebody really bad and end up in trouble.

Karkat
October 21st, 2014, 06:07 PM
I'm an extremely violent and ill-tempered person. I used to beat my mom up when I was little. My ex is still silent about how I reacted when drunk earlier this year, which... Worries me. I do know that there was a physical struggle because he was trying to keep me in the house, and in the end I won.

I am mostly under control now, mostly because I'm so scared to death of hurting anyone, but I'll still have violent thoughts, and I constantly feel like I'm one "poke" away from entirely going off on someone full-force.

It's actually a miracle that I don't break things all the time. I have severe anger issues that no one seems to want to take into account.

And as far as manipulation and emotional abuse? I've manipulated my ex into getting me booze.

Occasionally I'll guilt-trip friends and family just because I didn't get my way. I actually do it to the people closest to me the most.

Edit: by extension, I just said some really terrible things to Charlie with the intent of hurting him because I've been frustrated with him lately and I literally feel so guilty that I'm crying.

Things that... I don't know if I can fix. Fuck.

I'm also very passive-aggressive. About anything and everything.

I'm just kind of a selfish and self-absorbed person in general, really. I'm very prideful, and it gets in the way of my relationships with people a lot. I just have kind of a nasty disposition in general.

So if this were to make me think of you as a bad person, I'd really have no ground to stand on.

Everyone has their problems, Alex. I, and we all know how great of a person you can be too. It doesn't really excuse when we can be giant dicks, but don't be too harsh on yourself, ok?

mollyjellybelly
October 21st, 2014, 06:07 PM
I'm a lot younger and so maybe I don't know too much but I was going through a lot of the things you are, just at a much lower level. I fought with my parents, my grades were horrible and I hated my life and myself. I was just barely 9. Turns out I have ADHD and once I got some help things got better. Not saying that's necessarily what's going on with you but the point is it may not just be you. There may be something going on that you can get help with. Made a huge difference in my life. Hope this help some.

Melodic
October 21st, 2014, 06:30 PM
You know Alex, I'm very proud that you came forward with that. It's about time for me to do the same.

I'm also a very short tempered person. I'm not gonna lie, I've been pretty violent the last 6 months. Me and my mom have went through countless fights. I will note, half of them I usually don't start. I broke my 500 dollar phone. I broke a fan. I broke an xbox controller. Each time I do so, I cry hysterically because I destroy everything and everybody. I landed in the hospital twice, and sent home because I didn't attempt suicide or homicide. Everytime one of y'all call me sweet, I literally feel empty because that's the side I want everyone to see. I wanted everyone to think that I actually hold empathy and don't destroy my family. And you know what, maybe I act sweet. But I'm not a sweet person in general. I have those bad qualities in me just like everyone else.

SethfromMI
October 21st, 2014, 09:03 PM
you are their son and they love you. parents should love their children no matter what. not always support what they do, but love regardless.

you are a man for stepping up and admitting you need change. don't be afraid to get professional help man, it is not a bad thing to do so and you may (not trying to be mean in any way) but you might need some help just to help you in the process.

best of luck to you

ksdnfkfr
October 21st, 2014, 09:23 PM
Aggressive behavior like that can be a part of Aspergers I believe.

Wyatt 13
October 22nd, 2014, 02:17 PM
In our teen group in church there is a guy like you. We listened to him as I read your story. The counselor said to him, you know XX I truly believe you are a good person and we accept you as you are u realized your mistakes now is time to move forward and forgive. I am not sure why he said this forgiveness stuff but after a while this guy has changed. Hope this can help you dude.

Babiole
October 22nd, 2014, 03:38 PM
Are all Brazilian fathers like that?

I notice that people seem to think of fathers in Third World countries as cruel and oppressive.

Typhlosion
October 23rd, 2014, 01:10 AM
But I think maybe you need to talk to your doctor to find out whats going on before you hurt somebody really bad and end up in trouble.

don't be afraid to get professional help man, it is not a bad thing to do so and you may (not trying to be mean in any way) but you might need some help just to help you in the process.

best of luck to you

There may be something going on that you can get help with.

Yes. I need help, and I'm finally realizing that. It's been brought up many times when my dad asked me if I wanted to go to a psychologist (always in the heat of a fight) but I never saw what was so wrong.

But I have a problem, and now it's bigger than ever. I need to be more honest with myself. Introspective thinking and philosophies can go only so far, I'm in need of serious help. I'll talk to them about it this Sunday, when I'm home again so I can vote for my country. I'll probably start when I enter summer vacation, which is only a month away.

Also, @Cangirl, curious thing about me: I do not have a doctor, nor a dentist, nor even a health plan.

_______________________

They support you because you're their son. I know my mom and dad would support my brothers and sister and me in anything.

you are their son and they love you. parents should love their children no matter what. not always support what they do, but love regardless.

I'm kinda skeptic of this. I know parental bonds are strong and all, but I put my father at the tips of death. I really do have loving parents, that's true, I'm amazed they put up ith all of this. No one should ever be put close to death, twice.

_______________________

You know Alex, I'm very proud that you came forward with that.

you are a man for stepping up and admitting you need change.

Thank you both! I don't see how, exactly, great it is, but I'm sure it means that I'm doing something right. And that's good.

_______________________

I'm an extremely violent and ill-tempered person. I used to beat my mom up when I was little. My ex is still silent about how I reacted when drunk earlier this year, which... Worries me. I do know that there was a physical struggle because he was trying to keep me in the house, and in the end I won.

I am mostly under control now, mostly because I'm so scared to death of hurting anyone, but I'll still have violent thoughts, and I constantly feel like I'm one "poke" away from entirely going off on someone full-force.

It's actually a miracle that I don't break things all the time. I have severe anger issues that no one seems to want to take into account.

And as far as manipulation and emotional abuse? I've manipulated my ex into getting me booze.

Occasionally I'll guilt-trip friends and family just because I didn't get my way. I actually do it to the people closest to me the most.

Edit: by extension, I just said some really terrible things to Charlie with the intent of hurting him because I've been frustrated with him lately and I literally feel so guilty that I'm crying.

Things that... I don't know if I can fix. Fuck.

I'm also very passive-aggressive. About anything and everything.

I'm just kind of a selfish and self-absorbed person in general, really. I'm very prideful, and it gets in the way of my relationships with people a lot. I just have kind of a nasty disposition in general.

So if this were to make me think of you as a bad person, I'd really have no ground to stand on.

Everyone has their problems, Alex. I, and we all know how great of a person you can be too. It doesn't really excuse when we can be giant dicks, but don't be too harsh on yourself, ok?

Thank goodness you're (at least) almost under control!

Unfortunately, I've gone beyond that poke. And I NEED to be harsh on myself, at least this time, or I'll get nothing done. These last three years I've become really laid back and haven't put much effort. (At least that almost killed the ostentatious arrogance in me, which was amazing!) And I gotta put in some effort now. Plus, I almost killed my father, by a cinch. If it weren't my mother god knows what would've happened. It's not just a 'con' of me, no 'pro' should outweigh that. I do get the gist of what you're saying though!

I at least can say that you're a great person too. How did that episode with Charlie work out?

_______________________

I'm a lot younger and so maybe I don't know too much but I was going through a lot of the things you are, just at a much lower level. I fought with my parents, my grades were horrible and I hated my life and myself. I was just barely 9. Turns out I have ADHD and once I got some help things got better. Not saying that's necessarily what's going on with you but the point is it may not just be you. There may be something going on that you can get help with. Made a huge difference in my life. Hope this help some.

Thank you for your input, I'm glad things are working out for you

_______________________

You know Alex, I'm very proud that you came forward with that. It's about time for me to do the same.

I'm also a very short tempered person. I'm not gonna lie, I've been pretty violent the last 6 months. Me and my mom have went through countless fights. I will note, half of them I usually don't start. I broke my 500 dollar phone. I broke a fan. I broke an xbox controller. Each time I do so, I cry hysterically because I destroy everything and everybody. I landed in the hospital twice, and sent home because I didn't attempt suicide or homicide. Everytime one of y'all call me sweet, I literally feel empty because that's the side I want everyone to see. I wanted everyone to think that I actually hold empathy and don't destroy my family. And you know what, maybe I act sweet. But I'm not a sweet person in general. I have those bad qualities in me just like everyone else.

That's life, we're not 100% pretty and perfect as we make ourselves to be in the internet. And as you said, it is quite something to break that illusion and be honest, with guys that so cared for you to having a different image. It's the right thing, though, the act of being honest.

Hey! To a better road, perhaps?

As a side note, the most expensive thing I broke were my father's glasses, followed by my PC's mouse. At least we're hurting plastic, not people, when we vent on objects.

_______________________

Aggressive behavior like that can be a part of Aspergers I believe.Thank you for pointing that out! I was aware of that.

Not to shoot you down or anything, while I am interested when you point out to some behaviors that are linked to my condition, it doesn't point to the right action. Saying that it's part of me doesn't mean that it can't/doesn't need to be changed. To, you know, surpass some things that comes with it.

_______________________

In our teen group in church there is a guy like you. We listened to him as I read your story. The counselor said to him, you know XX I truly believe you are a good person and we accept you as you are u realized your mistakes now is time to move forward and forgive. I am not sure why he said this forgiveness stuff but after a while this guy has changed. Hope this can help you dude.

I'm glad he improved :) I'm looking forward to change as well. It's not as simple as asking forgiveness to my father, but I'm sure that I'll be working towards bettering my situation.

_______________________

Are all Brazilian fathers like that?

I notice that people seem to think of fathers in Third World countries as cruel and oppressive.I don't see where my father was being abusive, I was who was abusing him. I was the guy who almost killed my father.

As for my father, he isn't the typical father either. He has his own share of problems (he told me he had AD(H)D and I honestly think that he also has ASD, most likely even more of an aspie than I am), but I guess he's a nice guy. I don't think putting a kid down to the ground is considered abuse, he's just trying to put an end to the situation.

_______________________

And of course, thank you for all the responses, guys!
I do encourage more responses, too!

Karkat
October 23rd, 2014, 01:18 AM
Yes. I need help, and I'm finally realizing that. It's been brought up many times when my dad asked me if I wanted to go to a psychologist (always in the heat of a fight) but I never saw what was so wrong.

But I have a problem, and now it's bigger than ever. I need to be more honest with myself. Introspective thinking and philosophies can go only so far, I'm in need of serious help. I'll talk to them about it this Sunday, when I'm home again so I can vote for my country. I'll probably start when I enter summer vacation, which is only a month away.

Also, @Cangirl, curious thing about me: I do not have a doctor, nor a dentist, nor even a health plan.

_______________________





I'm kinda skeptic of this. I know parental bonds are strong and all, but I put my father at the tips of death. I really do have loving parents, that's true, I'm amazed they put up ith all of this. No one should ever be put close to death, twice.

_______________________





Thank you both! I don't see how, exactly, great it is, but I'm sure it means that I'm doing something right. And that's good.

_______________________



Thank goodness you're (at least) almost under control!

Unfortunately, I've gone beyond that poke. And I NEED to be harsh on myself, at least this time, or I'll get nothing done. These last three years I've become really laid back and haven't put much effort. (At least that almost killed the ostentatious arrogance in me, which was amazing!) And I gotta put in some effort now. Plus, I almost killed my father, by a cinch. If it weren't my mother god knows what would've happened. It's not just a 'con' of me, no 'pro' should outweigh that. I do get the gist of what you're saying though!

I at least can say that you're a great person too. How did that episode with Charlie work out?

_______________________



Thank you for your input, I'm glad things are working out for you

_______________________



That's life, we're not 100% pretty and perfect as we make ourselves to be in the internet. And as you said, it is quite something to break that illusion and be honest, with guys that so cared for you to having a different image. It's the right thing, though, the act of being honest.

Hey! To a better road, perhaps?

As a side note, the most expensive thing I broke were my father's glasses, followed by my PC's mouse. At least we're hurting plastic, not people, when we vent on objects.

_______________________

Thank you for pointing that out! I was aware of that.

Not to shoot you down or anything, while I am interested when you point out to some behaviors that are linked to my condition, it doesn't point to the right action. Saying that it's part of me doesn't mean that it can't/doesn't need to be changed. To, you know, surpass some things that comes with it.

_______________________



I'm glad he improved :) I'm looking forward to change as well. It's not as simple as asking forgiveness to my father, but I'm sure that I'll be working towards bettering my situation.

_______________________

I don't see where my father was being abusive, I was who was abusing him. I was the guy who almost killed my father.

As for my father, he isn't the typical father either. He has his own share of problems (he told me he had AD(H)D and I honestly think that he also has ASD, most likely even more of an aspie than I am), but I guess he's a nice guy. I don't think putting a kid down to the ground is considered abuse, he's just trying to put an end to the situation.

_______________________

And of course, thank you for all the responses, guys!
I do encourage more responses, too!

Hah, yeah. Temper doesn't get you very far in life. :(

Yeah, I get what you're saying.

Heh, thanks. :) I don't know if I really feel the same about me, but I try to be a good person usually. :P

He's forgiven me for the outburst. The original issue still stands, but I've more or less regained some patience towards it. Hopefully if I start working, I won't have so much pent up frustration, heh.

kanyedian
October 23rd, 2014, 09:25 AM
I've fought with my dad before. Like twice but we never punched each other. More like a wrestle but we were both angry.

Body odah Man
October 23rd, 2014, 12:58 PM
If you can admit there's a problem then that is the first step to bettering yourself and fixing the situation. I rlly respect you that you can come clean about your flaws like that. Respect mon and I hope you achieve your goals. If you need help, a listening ear, we're here for ya.