i help everyone but myself

[wonderland]

I feel like such a hypocrite, but in a way i guess it's for the best.
I'm the person that tells people to stay strong, that things get better and not to give up. I try and act as positive as i can, always putting on a smile and acting like there's not a thing in the world that bothers me.

But honestly, I'm the complete opposite of that person. I've lost hope in the idea that things get better, and I've given up many times. While i may act positive, i'm really a negative person who only ever seems to look the down side. I smile and laugh, but it's forced. They're not real. And things bother me, even if i act like they don't, they fucking do. I laugh it off when i'm in front of people, but inside it eats away at me and holy shit it kills me.

I keep everything hidden, I never let anyone know how i'm truly feeling. On the rare occasion that someone manages to see through my act and asks if i'm really okay, the answers always the same: "of course i am".
I'm scared that if i tell them the truth i'll make them worry, or they'll think i'm saying it for attention/pity. It doesn't matter if i'm sitting on the other end of the phone with my arm sliced open and I've taken a few too many pills, I always tell them that i'm fine.

Part of me just wants to tell them the truth. Shout at the top of my lungs that i'm really not okay, tell them that i'm a suicidal wreck, tell them that self harm is part of my daily routine, tell them that i lost hope a long time ago and that i'm a deeply unhappy person. But I could never bring myself to do that to someone.

My life's a huge fucking lie
and i don't know what the hell to do

[Miserabilia]

I think all of us are like that sometimes. It's just so tempting to keep smiling at people and being nice, or being mean, but doing anything to avoid showing what you are really like. I can relate to everything you said. I've been lying about myself to everyone for years. "Oh what's that on your neck?" - "my cat"
Stupid, easy, far fetched lies.
It's a pointless thing but it's so much easier than telling the truth. Sorry this isn't really helpful or advice but ok.

[radsniper]

i feel the same way but its wearing off and i dont know what to do the only thing i can think of is to tell someone to release some of the pressure im trying to find someone i trust 'cause i almost hurt someone last night i just hope you find someone before you have regrets

[Karkat]

Hah, I can relate to this.

Except I usually give in and tell people that I'm not fine, and end up feeling like I'm being a pain or a burden, and get worried that they'll think I'm doing it all for attention.

I do agree with these guys that telling someone how you feel, even if it's just one person who acts as a confidant, will help, at least to some extent. I can't stress enough that had I not reached out to people, I'd be dead right now.

Hang in there. :hug:

[SethfromMI]

I feel like such a hypocrite, but in a way i guess it's for the best.
I'm the person that tells people to stay strong, that things get better and not to give up. I try and act as positive as i can, always putting on a smile and acting like there's not a thing in the world that bothers me.

But honestly, I'm the complete opposite of that person. I've lost hope in the idea that things get better, and I've given up many times. While i may act positive, i'm really a negative person who only ever seems to look the down side. I smile and laugh, but it's forced. They're not real. And things bother me, even if i act like they don't, they fucking do. I laugh it off when i'm in front of people, but inside it eats away at me and holy shit it kills me.

I keep everything hidden, I never let anyone know how i'm truly feeling. On the rare occasion that someone manages to see through my act and asks if i'm really okay, the answers always the same: "of course i am".
I'm scared that if i tell them the truth i'll make them worry, or they'll think i'm saying it for attention/pity. It doesn't matter if i'm sitting on the other end of the phone with my arm sliced open and I've taken a few too many pills, I always tell them that i'm fine.

Part of me just wants to tell them the truth. Shout at the top of my lungs that i'm really not okay, tell them that i'm a suicidal wreck, tell them that self harm is part of my daily routine, tell them that i lost hope a long time ago and that i'm a deeply unhappy person. But I could never bring myself to do that to someone.

My life's a huge fucking lie
and i don't know what the hell to do

I don't think it not necessarily a lie. It is always easier to help others than ourselves I think most times. just because you have your own up and down doesn't mean you are not able to help others or give really good advice.

[xXoblivionXx]

I used to be like that. I had this idea in my head that if i helped other people get through similar issues i could help myself. but it never did. it just made me think that im worth nothing and that everyone else's lives were more valuble.

[DeadEyes]

Charity begins at home.

[sweetcake]

I used to be like that. I had this idea in my head that if i helped other people get through similar issues i could help myself. but it never did. it just made me think that im worth nothing and that everyone else's lives were more valuble.
Same here.. Helping people out makes me cope with my own problems. But to me, It's as if my advice worked both ways, I'm not just helping the person but also myself. Maybe this method only works on certain people :/

[romes3]

I feel like such a hypocrite, but in a way i guess it's for the best.
I'm the person that tells people to stay strong, that things get better and not to give up. I try and act as positive as i can, always putting on a smile and acting like there's not a thing in the world that bothers me.

But honestly, I'm the complete opposite of that person. I've lost hope in the idea that things get better, and I've given up many times. While i may act positive, i'm really a negative person who only ever seems to look the down side. I smile and laugh, but it's forced. They're not real. And things bother me, even if i act like they don't, they fucking do. I laugh it off when i'm in front of people, but inside it eats away at me and holy shit it kills me.

I keep everything hidden, I never let anyone know how i'm truly feeling. On the rare occasion that someone manages to see through my act and asks if i'm really okay, the answers always the same: "of course i am".
I'm scared that if i tell them the truth i'll make them worry, or they'll think i'm saying it for attention/pity. It doesn't matter if i'm sitting on the other end of the phone with my arm sliced open and I've taken a few too many pills, I always tell them that i'm fine.

Part of me just wants to tell them the truth. Shout at the top of my lungs that i'm really not okay, tell them that i'm a suicidal wreck, tell them that self harm is part of my daily routine, tell them that i lost hope a long time ago and that i'm a deeply unhappy person. But I could never bring myself to do that to someone.

My life's a huge fucking lie
and i don't know what the hell to do

I'm the same way. Honestly, the truth is easier. For me, I've told a few close friends. I'm still insanely happy on the outside, but my best friends know.