Should we grow up like our parents did?

[Lovelife090994]

Should we grow up how our parents did? My mom grew up poor but raised me in a low-middle class home, but insists that since I never grew up with her hardship that I know nothing about life. My family and their friends grew up in deep south homes even if they were in the North Us the house was ran like one down south. No water, no power, getting beat for anything against their parents' wishes and living with hard work and nothing to their name. Fast forward to 2014 my mom still argues I grew up soft. I disagree. I've had my struggles as she has and life isn't rosy or easy and we constantly struggle with money. I don't think one has to be raised poor and with spankings to do well in life, and I fail to see how me living in a middle class setting makes me clueless to life. What do you think? Should we be raised like our parents were?

[Lost in the Echo]

No, absolutely not. If anything, you should want better for your child.
You don't have to live a rough life in order to be shaped into a good person, it's the parents' job to raise their child to do good, and to teach their kids about life.
I think it's stupid when a parent complains to their child about how good they have it compared to when they grew up. You're supposed want a good life for your child, right?

[PinkFloyd]

Well seeing that my parents were brought up in a world that revolved around religion, I'm gonna go with no.

[Lovelife090994]

No, absolutely not. If anything, you should want better for your child.
You don't have to live a rough life in order to be shaped into a good person, it's the parents' job to raise their child to do good, and to teach their kids about life.
I think it's stupid when a parent complains to their child about how good they have it compared to when they grew up. You're supposed want a good life for your child, right?

True, parents should want better. I guess they think I'm spoiled. But it's not like I have everything. The nice things I do have were from saving my gift money and from pay-plans with my mother. She grew up in a tyrannical version of Christianity but is still Christian and very much Southern by faith. I am more spiritual than religious. I don't think having a rough life makes one better suited for life.

[phuckphace]

I'd trade places with my parents and grow up in their day anytime. they had it better than I do even though they had less (a lot less in fact). funny how that works. in fact, when my mom was born in 1964 my grandpa was bringing home about $50 a week, which is now about $380. I make roughly the same wage now and can't afford to live on my own, but he could not only support an entire family of his wife and five children on one income, he also had enough left over for savings. sounds pretty baller to me.

[Stronk Serb]

Nah. My parents don't want me to grow up like they did.

[Karkat]

I'll not subject my theoretical future children to emotional abuse and neglect. So no, I wouldn't raise my kids exactly the same that I was raised.

But I also believe that unless your parent was THE worst person in history, they probably did you right in one way or another- if nothing else but to give you an example of who not to emulate as a parent. My parents have given me both good examples to emulate, and bad examples to learn from.

[James Dean]

I personally don't think so. They should live their life the way they want to. I mean what's sad is that there are certain cultures in which certain rituals are done so that children do live almost identical lives as their parents. Arranged marriages, arranged careers etc. Sometimes they are forced to life a certain way due to culture and religion so there really isn't a choice. I think just living natural is the best choice. Let the parents have their memories and the child have new ones.

[Vlerchan]

they had it better than I do even though they had less (a lot less in fact).
I can only say I'm doubtful that standards of living were higher in 1964 than they are today.

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

No. No. No. Nononononono.

My dad was beaten half to death a lot of the time for no good reason, and it was LEGAL. My mom on the other hand lived in house with about 5 other foster kids at all times, an apathetic dad, and a stressed out mom. Plus, both of their backgrounds were strictly religious.

[Southside]

You should always want your child to do better than you did unless your a billionaire or something of that nature.

[Typhlosion]

ROTW :arrow: Family and Friends
We have a section for discussion about families, and this thread is much more about opinions/stories than a proper debate.

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I know that I would probably would have been cared of normally, so it's not that hard of an answer. I'd take my mother's childhood, she lived in the privileged middle class with access to great free schools and college, with supportive parents.

Sometimes I think my father is close to me in some issues, so if it worked for him, it hould work for me.

That said, I'm a terrible person to have as your son. Seriously :lol:

[Ambrosia]

My mother grew up in a upper class family. They lived in huge houses all around America (Mainly California, though) with lots of money, large built in pools and no need for her or her children to have jobs. They weren't spoiled but they had it a lot easier then most kids and got what they wanted.
My father grew up in a middle class military-ran family. His father was a Marine DI and him and his siblings were beaten, physically abused, verbally abused, and put through more pain then a child should ever bare. He got kicked out of the house at 12-14 and dropped out of school in 9th grade.
He got my mother pregnant when she was 15. Merging their completely different worlds together meant they had different ideas on parenting but at the same time it was very the same. They did everything they could to raise us differently then their parents raised them. They raised us with love and care but my father refused to ever spank us, my mother didn't mind throwing things and slapping us. We were raised with little to know money but not by choice, they both wished they could have given us more. They didn't want us to grow up the way they did and they made it known. We suffered our own hardships but our childhoods were not bad.

Now granted, I do not want to raise my children the way my parents raised me. I believe we all learn from our parents and how we were raised and should take from it what we need and raise our children differently. I believe we should be extremely glad if our children do not have to suffer the hardships we suffered at their ages. Being raised soft means nothing, only regret it if they can not make it as adults.

[Cognizant]

Nah. Both of my parents were pretty well off - my mom was from a middle class family in Washington and my dad was the son of an inventor. They both struggled in life after they divorced - 15 years after they already had me.

All they care about is that I succeed in life, no matter what hardships come my way.

[CrazyPerson101]

Any parent should want better for their kids, some may not be able to finacially afford to but they should try, doesn't mean they always will. I've grown up in poverty until we moved into my grandparents house, now were middle class, 7 bedroom mini mansion ... we live comfortably i guess

[Hyper]

Your question is wrong.

It should be ''should we be raised in the same conditions'' conditions and parenting are two different things.

The answer to both is no.

What people consider to be a hardship and what they can ''take'' until they breakdown is very different. The thickness of our skins so to speak differs.

Everyone experiences some kind of hardship, perspective can make you realize that what you consider to be a hardship might be considered nothing special at all by someone in a far worse situation.

As long as it invokes strong emotions in a person they can learn from it.

However you can't compare growing up in a truly horrific situation to ''being inconvenienced'' because that's what most of our hardships in reality are. But as I said that doesn't mean they don't affect us, make us sad angry or even depressed. We can still learn from them.

When people and parents have this mentality it just means they themselves haven't gotten over their own problems.

If a person has a truly shitty childhood there's basically 3 things that can happen.

1: They are broken by it. They don't get anywhere in life they get stuck in whatever vicious cycle they were raised in. Abusers becoming abusers, children of alcoholics/drug addicts becoming drug addicts and so on.
2. They get through it and become stronger for it. They've experienced truly hard times and realise that though it might have been unfair and unjust for a child to be raised in such an environment they are stronger for it and would never want their own children to suffer the things they did, they believe in their ability as parents and rolemodels to teach the valuable lessons they learnt through their own experiences to their children without having to put them in a similar environment.
3. They sort of get through it. They're not stuck in the exact same bad environment they grew up in but they bear resentment, anger, guilt whatever other emotions with them and believe that their children should feel what they felt - this thought might not even be fully conscious that's just how it comes out.

''You're upset because you can't get the newest playstation? I GOT NOTHING FOR CHRISTMAS YOU SPOILED BRAT!''

And so on and on.

[fast8]

Yea they always want better for us but if you learn how hard it was u be more understanding how thing go

[JamesSuperBoy]

always be issues and things we would change - wish were different is that the generation gap -

[CosmicNoodle]

My option wasnt there, here is my option

Parents are simply humans that rais you, love is optional.

[BeachBlonde]

Times change. Our generation's struggles could be different than our parent's.

[Body odah Man]

I'm divided on this issue. On the one hand, we do have it a LOT easier than our parents did and are a lot more spoiled. On the other hand, if parents are good and responsible they should be able to rear loving, good children. So I guess maybe a balance would be good?

[Desuetude]

Hardships don't come with having nothing, there are so many aspects of growing up that can make you a better, 'stronger' person. Divorce, school life, illness and sure financial and social status comes into that too but it's not the only thing that shapes you to become who you are.

So I think it's pointless to attempt to raise your own children as you did. Times change, technology changes, your hard work dictates where you'll end up in life and you shouldn't get rid of that to try and replicate your childhood for your children. Every adult is going into parenting blind. You try new things, you make mistakes, that's all part of the process. So just go with it I guess, as long as you're doing your best for them and loving your children then there's nothing more that can be asked of you as a parent.

[SethfromMI]

it can depend. not on every single thing, but I also think if your parents have taught you good, certain values, morals, etc. then you should teach some of those to your children.

this really depends on so many different things

[Wyatt 13]

I am really lucky being raised by my Dad, single parent BTW cuz my Mom left us ages ago. I think my Dad is doing the right thing with us, he is xtremely religious tho.

[Melodic]

I think given that change happens, I think parenting should be based on the generation now than the generation before.

[Ben_Frost]

I think not, everyone has a life to live their own way, repeating the life a parent had or living a life one of them wished to have will only result in a wasted life. Everyone should have their unique share of experiences and knowledge. I wouldn't like to relive what my parents lived, I want my own life to remember.

Following the poll, I think that if I were a parent, I would try my best to educate my child with discipline and respect, but without being harsh. Anyway, that would be if I wanted any kids to begin with. I'll stick to plants and pets.

[cbm89031]

That really depends on you

[Paladino]

Absolutely not, my Mum tells me I get away with stuff that she never ever got away with, really small stuff, because her Mum & Dad were strict with things. I see it in a way that times are changing and people have changed so why should we have to go by the same strict rules that generations before us did, if it isn't a problem the way we are being brought up and disciplined accordingly when we are out of line.