Well There Ya Go

[Karkat]

Ugh, I've had it. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I've come down to my final straw.

I have had to deal with a *LUDICROUS* amount of disappointment lately, and I just can't take it anymore. I literally never want to get my hopes up over anything ever again.

And you might think that sounds ridiculous.
However, in the past year:

-My mood disorder (because idk apparently no one can decide if I'm really bipolar or not) has gotten worse. By a landslide.
-My physical health has declined so much I was forced to quit work.
-My anxiety has gotten so bad that some days, it's hard to leave my bed.
-My drug abuse has gotten progressively worse, as has my smoking

In the past 6 months:

-I lost my sobriety, and started drinking again
-I've been harassed and been sent death threats
-I've had some major fights with close friends
-I missed graduation. Again.
-I've lost almost all ability to take care of myself

In the past 3 months:

-I've had two major trips cancelled
-That job I was so happy about maybe getting? Didn't even get to apply.
-I've been having extreme stomach problems.
-My depression is getting worse than it's ever been.



And I've consistently struggled with suicide attempts, self-harm, and loneliness the whole time. I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry.

The worst thing is, I don't even think I could successfully kill myself if I tried. I'm just sort of here. I feel trapped.

My family is extremely... Well, they believe the opposite of what I do on a lot of things, and I know my time left in this house is short. I'm going to be 18 extremely soon, and it terrifies me. My friends have more or less become too busy to talk much, and the only person I consistently have left who isn't on VT or GT is Charlie.

Yeah. That's wonderful. While I'm probably one of the people he's closest to, and I would hate to be gone for that, I just... I feel like I'm pretty dang expendable. He has another friend he's really close to, he's got a whole group of friends he does stuff with. Heck, he's even got another girl he's interested in. Someone whom I'm positive is more stable and you know, doesn't act like a mentally handicapped squirrel.

So basically, I am also starting to feel like I'm just holding all the people I love back...By existing. I constantly feel like a burden. I don't know.

Maybe I'll get lucky and hit my head the next time I have a seizure. Fall into a coma. Maybe get hit by a bus.

[Dying Ember]

Ugh, I've had it. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I've come down to my final straw.

I have had to deal with a *LUDICROUS* amount of disappointment lately, and I just can't take it anymore. I literally never want to get my hopes up over anything ever again.

And you might think that sounds ridiculous.
However, in the past year:

-My mood disorder (because idk apparently no one can decide if I'm really bipolar or not) has gotten worse. By a landslide.
-My physical health has declined so much I was forced to quit work.
-My anxiety has gotten so bad that some days, it's hard to leave my bed.
-My drug abuse has gotten progressively worse, as has my smoking

In the past 6 months:

-I lost my sobriety, and started drinking again
-I've been harassed and been sent death threats
-I've had some major fights with close friends
-I missed graduation. Again.
-I've lost almost all ability to take care of myself

In the past 3 months:

-I've had two major trips cancelled
-That job I was so happy about maybe getting? Didn't even get to apply.
-I've been having extreme stomach problems.
-My depression is getting worse than it's ever been.



And I've consistently struggled with suicide attempts, self-harm, and loneliness the whole time. I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry.

The worst thing is, I don't even think I could successfully kill myself if I tried. I'm just sort of here. I feel trapped.

My family is extremely... Well, they believe the opposite of what I do on a lot of things, and I know my time left in this house is short. I'm going to be 18 extremely soon, and it terrifies me. My friends have more or less become too busy to talk much, and the only person I consistently have left who isn't on VT or GT is Charlie.

Yeah. That's wonderful. While I'm probably one of the people he's closest to, and I would hate to be gone for that, I just... I feel like I'm pretty dang expendable. He has another friend he's really close to, he's got a whole group of friends he does stuff with. Heck, he's even got another girl he's interested in. Someone whom I'm positive is more stable and you know, doesn't act like a mentally handicapped squirrel.

So basically, I am also starting to feel like I'm just holding all the people I love back...By existing. I constantly feel like a burden. I don't know.

Maybe I'll get lucky and hit my head the next time I have a seizure. Fall into a coma. Maybe get hit by a bus.

Fuck. I really wish I could say something that would help. I'm so sorry but my mind is pretty usless and fucked up at the moment. I'm so so sorry for what you've been through. Most of what you've said, I haven't been through, but I can relate to feeling like a burden and holding the people you love back. I know you feel like that, but they want you for a reason. They want YOU, okay? Please please belive that.. They haven't walked away, and you mean a lot to them, I promise.
I've seen you around VT and I can tell you help a lot of people and give tons if usefull advice. People here want you, you mean a lot to us. I know I dont really know you, but I want you to stay.
Looking back what I've said probably doesn't make any sense and I'm probably rambling but please..
If you want to talk to me then you can. I know I'm not much help but I'm here anyway.
Keep holding on :)

[Horatio Nelson]

I want to say something good and encouraging, but my mind is blanking.

All I can say is don't give in. Even though the sky may seem like it's falling, you are going to be okay.

[Lovelife090994]

Ugh, I've had it. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I've come down to my final straw.

I have had to deal with a *LUDICROUS* amount of disappointment lately, and I just can't take it anymore. I literally never want to get my hopes up over anything ever again.

And you might think that sounds ridiculous.
However, in the past year:

-My mood disorder (because idk apparently no one can decide if I'm really bipolar or not) has gotten worse. By a landslide.
-My physical health has declined so much I was forced to quit work.
-My anxiety has gotten so bad that some days, it's hard to leave my bed.
-My drug abuse has gotten progressively worse, as has my smoking

In the past 6 months:

-I lost my sobriety, and started drinking again
-I've been harassed and been sent death threats
-I've had some major fights with close friends
-I missed graduation. Again.
-I've lost almost all ability to take care of myself

In the past 3 months:

-I've had two major trips cancelled
-That job I was so happy about maybe getting? Didn't even get to apply.
-I've been having extreme stomach problems.
-My depression is getting worse than it's ever been.



And I've consistently struggled with suicide attempts, self-harm, and loneliness the whole time. I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry.

The worst thing is, I don't even think I could successfully kill myself if I tried. I'm just sort of here. I feel trapped.

My family is extremely... Well, they believe the opposite of what I do on a lot of things, and I know my time left in this house is short. I'm going to be 18 extremely soon, and it terrifies me. My friends have more or less become too busy to talk much, and the only person I consistently have left who isn't on VT or GT is Charlie.

Yeah. That's wonderful. While I'm probably one of the people he's closest to, and I would hate to be gone for that, I just... I feel like I'm pretty dang expendable. He has another friend he's really close to, he's got a whole group of friends he does stuff with. Heck, he's even got another girl he's interested in. Someone whom I'm positive is more stable and you know, doesn't act like a mentally handicapped squirrel.

So basically, I am also starting to feel like I'm just holding all the people I love back...By existing. I constantly feel like a burden. I don't know.

Maybe I'll get lucky and hit my head the next time I have a seizure. Fall into a coma. Maybe get hit by a bus.
I think my heart just sank. I know we talk on random thoughts but I'm here. You've kept me from death. Lke you I am lonely but at least you have help. My family has no clue what to do or think of me and I don't even drive and am belittled for my size, hobbies, ways, and intelligence a lot. I am not on drugs so I can't talk about that. I am not formally receiving mental help so that is out of my expertise. But I have bad anxiety, am akways lonely, and feel too needy to my friends but my anxiety and depression keeps me silent. Please don't die. If you go then I really would have no one else to talk to. My friends kist on these social sites may seem big but I don't talk much to people. And like you I feel like a burden and maybe like you I feel like a freak. I also feel like the whole world is against me.

Oh and read your signature and mine. It may give some good.

[Dark Unicorn]

Hey there!Omg I know how you feel.I can relate to ALMOST everything you just said.If you remember,that was me just a few weeks ago.I felt just like you do now(had for 5 years) but I feel a lot better today.Moral is: THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU!!!Gosh,we love you so much and we want you around!Whenever you feel like giving up just think of that,think of us and TALK TO US.We are here for you.Please PM anytime if you need to!

[Karkat]

Fuck. I really wish I could say something that would help. I'm so sorry but my mind is pretty usless and fucked up at the moment. I'm so so sorry for what you've been through. Most of what you've said, I haven't been through, but I can relate to feeling like a burden and holding the people you love back. I know you feel like that, but they want you for a reason. They want YOU, okay? Please please belive that.. They haven't walked away, and you mean a lot to them, I promise.
I've seen you around VT and I can tell you help a lot of people and give tons if usefull advice. People here want you, you mean a lot to us. I know I dont really know you, but I want you to stay.
Looking back what I've said probably doesn't make any sense and I'm probably rambling but please..
If you want to talk to me then you can. I know I'm not much help but I'm here anyway.
Keep holding on :)

I want to say something good and encouraging, but my mind is blanking.

All I can say is don't give in. Even though the sky may seem like it's falling, you are going to be okay.

I think my heart just sank. I know we talk on random thoughts but I'm here. You've kept me from death. Lke you I am lonely but at least you have help. My family has no clue what to do or think of me and I don't even drive and am belittled for my size, hobbies, ways, and intelligence a lot. I am not on drugs so I can't talk about that. I am not formally receiving mental help so that is out of my expertise. But I have bad anxiety, am akways lonely, and feel too needy to my friends but my anxiety and depression keeps me silent. Please don't die. If you go then I really would have no one else to talk to. My friends kist on these social sites may seem big but I don't talk much to people. And like you I feel like a burden and maybe like you I feel like a freak. I also feel like the whole world is against me.

Oh and read your signature and mine. It may give some good.

Hey there!Omg I know how you feel.I can relate to ALMOST everything you just said.If you remember,that was me just a few weeks ago.I felt just like you do now(had for 5 years) but I feel a lot better today.Moral is: THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU!!!Gosh,we love you so much and we want you around!Whenever you feel like giving up just think of that,think of us and TALK TO US.We are here for you.Please PM anytime if you need to!

I just wanted to let you all know that I am ok and feeling better- I'm still pretty burnt out over everything at the moment, but my mom tried to cheer me up (after giving me the iciest lecture on the planet... It's hard to tell what's her, and what's her disease.), and then Charlie sent me a little barrage of sweet snapchats to cheer me up. It worked.

I still don't know how the hell I'm going to pull through, but I think I'm still going to try and go on my trip to SLC, even if Charlie can't make it. Then, I dunno, I'll see what happens from there.

Thank you guys for all your kind thoughts and motivation. I really appreciate that, I kinda need it right now. I'm just sorry I made you all worry so much. :(

You might also want to know that I managed to calm down before I did anything stupid this time, so that's good. I'm still 12 days free from self-harm. (I think- I haven't posted on the calendar tonight so I don't remember what day.)

Anyways, I might be back to my daily scheduled posting routine, I might not, we'll see how the next few days go. Just uh, thanks guys. Know that I'm here for you too :hug:

[Lost in the Echo]

It's great to hear you're feeling better. :) Just always remember you've already overcome so much, so you're strong enough to keep fighting.
I've had more than my fair share of downs in life, so I know what you're going through, so if you ever need to talk, I'll be there for you.
You're a great person, and you can get through this.

[Karkat]

It's great to hear you're feeling better. :) Just always remember you've already overcome so much, so you're strong enough to keep fighting.
I've had more than my fair share of downs in life, so I know what you're going through, so if you ever need to talk, I'll be there for you.
You're a great person, and you can get through this.

Thank you :hug: I'm definitely feeling a little more and more like I can do it as the night goes on.

[allisonmyers]

hang in there it does get better

[Dying Ember]

I just wanted to let you all know that I am ok and feeling better- I'm still pretty burnt out over everything at the moment, but my mom tried to cheer me up (after giving me the iciest lecture on the planet... It's hard to tell what's her, and what's her disease.), and then Charlie sent me a little barrage of sweet snapchats to cheer me up. It worked.

I still don't know how the hell I'm going to pull through, but I think I'm still going to try and go on my trip to SLC, even if Charlie can't make it. Then, I dunno, I'll see what happens from there.

Thank you guys for all your kind thoughts and motivation. I really appreciate that, I kinda need it right now. I'm just sorry I made you all worry so much. :(

You might also want to know that I managed to calm down before I did anything stupid this time, so that's good. I'm still 12 days free from self-harm. (I think- I haven't posted on the calendar tonight so I don't remember what day.)

Anyways, I might be back to my daily scheduled posting routine, I might not, we'll see how the next few days go. Just uh, thanks guys. Know that I'm here for you too :hug:

Glad to hear you're feeling better, that's really good news :)

[Karkat]

hang in there it does get better

Thanks, I will :)

Glad to hear you're feeling better, that's really good news :)

Yeah :) Thank you for your kind words