What did I do?

[Cable]

Well I got a girlfriend, great news right? Not so much.

About 2 weeks ago this girl tells me she likes me via text message. I had thought about asking her about briefly about a month earlier, but never acted on it. So I think, why not, and went ahead and asked her on a date. We played lasertag. At that point I was just pumped that a girl I actually liked liked me.

So I set up a second date, and we went to ice cream. Again it was fun but I am starting to think that maybe I dont really like her. She is two years younger than me and of course some of my friends told me that was creepy, maybe I took it to heart.

I was gone for a weekend and while I was gone I asked her out over the phone. She of course said yes, so we started "dating". Its at this point when I start to have more serious doubts. I have never had a girlfriend before so I dont know what it should be like, but I started consciensiously avoiding opprotunities to see her.

When we have hung out, she always asks me, "if you really want to", and I not being one to hurt anyone's feelings, say "of course". I really havnt told anyone besides a few close confidents that we are dating, I sortof felt ashamed of it. We havnt gone on a third date yet nor have we kissed, and im not sure that I want to. I like her, but I feel uncomfortable and ashamed of our "relationship."

So I talked to her on msn tonight and vocalized how i wasnt sure and how i didnt know if i was comfortable dating her. She says then that she really likes me and will respect my descision but wants me to make one soon.

I dont know what to do.

[Kaleidoscope Eyes]

How old are you and how old is she? In general a two-year age gap is no big deal. My parents are 3 years apart, and I have a friend whose parents are 6 years apart. If, however, you're 13 and she's 11, then maybe you should call it quits for now because 11 is a little young to be dating. Really though, it's up to you. Don't let your friends tell you it's "creepy", because it's not. If you were more like 4 years older, or if she's too young to be dating, that's when it gets tricky and may become creepy. But I think you're probably fine.

Take a moment to think about your feelings for this girl, without thinking about what your friends think. Do you want to keep going with this relationship? If so, don't worry about it, keep doing what you're doing. If you really think you don't want to date her though, you need to tell her that you want to break it off. So think about it, and decide what works best for you.

[Cable]

Im 17 she's 15.

[IfPiratesCouldFly]

There is really nothing wrong with that. The age difference there is so minimal, the fact that anyone would make a big deal about it is re diculous

[jay92]

if ya like her date her,
dont be ashamed of her whatever you do, go out and have a great time just dont go boasting if you root her or whatever.

also, make sure you meet her parents and your friendly with them. Will make it allot easier!

[tombstonequeen]

my ex did the same thing when i was fifteen and he was 17
i dumped his ass cause he wouldn't do crap for the four months we were dating
no dates not even a kiss
he was such a nerd

[scassie]

Do you have anyone else you want to date? if not just go with the flow. It's nice you have concern about it. It means you care.
Don't worry what others think, they are jealous that you have someone you like and that she likes you.
She sounds very mature....remember girls are "older" than guys. She is the same age as you mentally or even older than you. Girls just mature faster, they have to in nature because if they have a baby they have to be smart enough to take care of it. Boys don't have to do anything but make it....DUH that doesn't take any brains!!!!

let us know what you decide.

[Serenity]

Hm.

You might just have a classic case of cold feet, aka commitmentphobe. I say give it a go for a week and then if your doubts persist, break it off. If you've liked her for a month or more, I think it's worth trying to make a week work to see where both of you are in your feelings. What you definitely don't want is to break up the second you start feeling unsure, just to realize a week later that you really do like her- no one likes games like that. If you do try to make it work, though, you have to actually try. Contrary to Hollywood beliefs, relationships don't just magically work- both of you have to be active parts of your relationship, aka stop avoiding her and actually spend time with her. You can't know how you feel about a person you're never around.

However, if you're quite sure that you were mistaken and indeed do not have feelings for her, you need to let her know and break up pronto- for both of your sakes. No one likes being in a one-sided relationship, it's painful and unfair. It's better to break up sooner rather than later in cases like that so that the other person doesn't get too attached, because attachment is what makes breaking up so hard and hurtful for people.

Why do you feel ashamed of the relationship? That's a bit of a red flag. No relationship will EVER be successful if you're embarrassed of your partner. If it's because of her age or because of what your friends think, I think you need to grow up a bit. You started liking her because of her personality and who she is, right? So other people's opinions of her shouldn't change that.

The main thing you have to do right now is sit down with her and lay it all out on the table. Tell her what you're feeling, what you are going to do or at least what you want to/think you should do. Whether you're dating, friends, or whatever, relationships are built on communication and will fail utterly without it. Just be straight with her- she seems to be a very understanding girl and I think it's only fair to her for you to be open and honest with her.

[Cable]

Okay.

There are always other girls.

I decided to ask this girl out because 1) she is cute and 2) she told me she liked me. That is basically it. I mean of course I wouldnt have asked her out if she wasnt someone who had her moral priorities straight, but similar morals dont nessicarily equal compatibility.

She isnt who i really want to be with, but given the circumstances she sure made it easy for me to ask her out. Yes there are other girls I would like to ask out, girls my age, but somehow ive never brought myself to do it. It feels like the combination of her confession to me and her being younger than me made it seem so easy and thats why i could do it.

And its not like other girls havnt liked me before, some have even confessed it to me, but thus far they have all been girls I could never see myself dating so I have always opted to be just friends. Now this girl comes along and finally theres a girl that I do like, but now I'm afraid that I liked her for all the wrong reasons.

For example, 1) just to have a girlfriend, 2) just because she is cute, 3) just because its so easy. None of them are good reasons to date someone.

Maybe I really do like her for good reasons, maybe im a "commitaphobe", but if not than im doing the wrong thing.

[Serenity]

Maybe I really do like her for good reasons, maybe im a "commitaphobe", but if not than im doing the wrong thing.

That 'maybe' is exactly why I say you should try to stick it out for a week. You're not entirely sure how you feel right now, so just give it some time to settle into the relationship scene, which you're new to.

[Cable]

Hmmm. Well I'll let you know how everything turns out. Thanks for the advice everyone.

[MisterKool00]

Well, in my opinion you should do what you feel is right instead of trapping yourself in a relationship where you are uncomfortable. That would be really bad.
Also you could just date her till your 18 and say you shouldnt because shes a minor : D

[Zephyr]

I'd break it off now, but in simple terms like 'I just don't feel the same anymore' because if you stay in an unhappy relationship it will become a destructive one.

[Cable]

Well I told her that it didnt feel right and that I wasnt ready for a relationship just yet, and that I think its best if we just stay friends.

I thought about giving it a week, but really when I though about it, theres been other girls that ive come close to dating where I really look forward to the time we spent together, and with her I just sortof felt locked into spending time with her.

I think I did the right thing, I would rather break it off now than waste both of our time with something i didnt really want.

Thanks.

[ScotsGirl]

By the sounds of it, you made a good call :)
Some people are better being good friends, than they ever would be having a relationship together.
I hope everything is going well for you! :)

xxx

[Close102]

well ill start wit this

so u have never had a girlfriend. so im guessing u havent kissed a girl. so take a chance and go with it. i mean those ages (at least where im from) it's pretty common to be dating. ur in high school its a time to have 6 different girlfriends to experiment with so when ur serious with a girl u no what ur doing.

also dont listen to ur aole friends. they dont no what they are talking about. i bet if u asked every senior at ur school i bet ud find a few are even dating FRESHMAN (that means 3-4 years apart)

so in conclusion date her, kiss her, love her, just stay with her. high shool (as i previously said) is to experiment with all types of girls because, face it, any girl u date now is probably NEVER gunna be the person u end up with.

pm me if u want any advice on where to take her or anything else about dating

[steven]

first of all... its generally a smart thing to read through all of the thread before you post (which i did) as i nearly missed the second page and was about to remind you about a law in britain, which makes it illegal for people over 16 to date anyone under 16, if the cops find out, then you could go onto the sex offenders list, and i dont know if its the same in other countries, second of all... in my mind i use logic, everything i do is for the benefit of other people rather than myself, and you deciding to split up with her and staying friends would have probably been the best decision, as you said yourself, you would rather spend time with other girls and you felt like you had to spend time with her, and as someone said before, dno if its the same thread, but the thing that hurts in a relationship is when you are attached tyo your partner, its alot easier to split up wiv someone at the beginning of a relationship than after a period of time... and the girls that you do want to spend time with, go out have a laugh and be yourself, and be with them. add their msn (or any instant messaging service) and talk to them. everytime they come online, wait a few mins, dont seem to desperate cos it could put them off, and then say hi and start a conversation, (mods edit/delete this post if you want cos i dno the rules very well and i dno if im breaking them by giving out this type of advice...)

Steve

[dogman]

do what you feel is right, dont be presured by anyone else

[happytimes]

I get really ticked off when I hear uncalled for opinions from friends about my life. whats up with the "age" thing. think about it. I'm pretty sure your parents have a age difference. did their relationship work out? so seriously, if your friends makes some stupid comments like that, just tell them to STFU and mind their own business. thats my first suggestion for you. "creepy", what a joke. that's not helping. that's just making things worse.

the second suggestion is that at the beginning of a relationship, anxiety always kicks in. it is critical that you stick with the relationship for a while. doubts will eventually pass if your relationship works out. if it doesn't, then just let go. tell your girl honestly that your feelings for her have passed and that you don't want to take it any further. it's better to just let go earlier or else you might break her heart if you delay.