I'm Just About Ready To Scream

[CrazyPerson101]

Okay.

My Life has been mostly crap, there have been good times in it but mostly crap.

I was conceived out sexual abuse so I don't like going around my mom becuase I feel I'm just a constant reminder of what happened May 3d 1998 ( It's sad she remembers the day :( ) Growing up, I never really had a dad, I had a God mom who moved away, my mom before she got sick was struggling with raising me and we where in poverty. We had to move in with my uncle and then we where considered homeless so that was stressful and hurt me a little bit knowing that we where listed as homeless according to the law. My mom got married to a dead beat drunk, thankfully, he never beat me or my mom but my mom became a nerovus wreck and almost killed him so we had to get out of that situation. Then my sister came along, she has been a wonderful blessing in my life, I wanted her for years and I finally got her but she is a walking medical case, she's spent more nights at the hopstial than she has home. Then my mom got sick with Multiple Sclerosis and Transverse Myleitus so she couldn't rasie us anymore so we moved in with my grandparents and its been hard. My grandpa is 70 and he's living on borrowed time, he died 20 years ago yet he is alive today ( this will be with 20th anniversary since his death December 19th 1994 ) And he's got alzimers so he's losing his mind, my grandma works hard and is always stressed and alot of other stuff. That's just a little bit.


Now for me, I'm having to deal with that, I was raped when I was 11 by my best friends older brother and I'm not effected by it anymore ( well I am but it's not as bad ) and I've lost motivation to do alot of things. I used to love to clean the house, i'd do it voluntarily and school and now i'm losing all motivation to do it, I just wanna sit in my bed and do nothing but eat sunflower seeds and watch Netflix. I've been sick for a couple days now and my nodes exploded so my voice is recovering from that. I love to sing, it's what I do when im stressed, worried ,anxious etc. so I do it all the time, so I can't do it now. I'm short and I get "complements" on my height and im criticized for my weight and I'm afraid of becoming obese so I don't' eat as much as I used to anymore and I feel that my life is just AHHHHHH ya know ? Oh and to top it all off, my keyboard on my computer is dying :/ Plus the holidays are coming up so I get to hear family drama and all that :(

But that's just a little bit, I'll spare you the rest.... What do I do ? I just don't know how long I will be able to deal with this :'(

[Karkat]

It feels like so many of us just have this feeling of "how much longer can I last?" I can name at least two besides me off the top of my head, as well as a handful of others who are going through relationship problems, and a handful who don't even fall into the past two categories who self-harm CONSISTENTLY, but still struggle to stop-

It's depressing what we, collectively, as kids have to go through. Just this site alone- think about all the other kids out there. It's insane.

However, I know that a very large portion of the aforementioned users who are struggling also are major contributors to the upbeat, supportive environment this website maintains- including you. :)

It's hard to hang in there, but I believe in you. :hug: Remember that you can always talk to me if you need to, ok? :)

[Hyper]

Try to live your life.

Your a kid. Sadly you can't really change anything about how your mother does. And even if you were a billionare philantropist playboy you couldn't cure your mother or sister of their illnesses, granted money buys better treatment and comfort but i hope you get my point.

Try to find something positive or worth trying for in your life. Your sister, your interests what not... If it becomes impossible then you need help from someone other than you, preferrably a psychologist.

Have you ever talked to your mom about how you feel being a ''reminder of a horrible thing that happened to her'' from what I garner from your posts your mother doesn't openly resent you or blame you, does she?

Those kind of emotions we harbor in our selves against our selves are very destructive and need to be resolved or we'll suffer from them continously.