devonian
March 24th, 2008, 09:03 PM
Hello.
I'll try and keep this short. A few years ago, I was depressed for quite some time. The depression began really when I was 11, and probably continued until I was about 15 in various forms. Symptoms included the obvious feeling very sad, frequent crying, sleeping lots (just to be unconscious), frequent thoughts of suicide and of specific suicide methods and at about 14, self-harm.
At the age of 18 I am now much better, though I don't think the depression has ever quite left—does it ever leave anyone? However, apart from feeling anxious or agitated occasionally and the odd bout of crying, I do not seem to be depressed.
Importantly, I was never diagnosed as being depressed because I never sought help for it. However, I had the characteristic depressive symptoms I described above, and scored highly on the BDI (Beck Depression Inventory) self-test, which I understand is used as a diagnostic test for depression, so I'm pretty certain I was indeed moderately clinically depressed.
Basically, I am haunted by memories of my depression and self-harm. I can't help but wonder 'what if I had got help?'. I'm not really sure what to do about it because I'm not depressed at the moment, so I feel I can't go to my doctor about it. I think maybe what I want or need is vindication: to know that my depression was real, and that I really did have a problem worth treating.
What do you think I should do to fix this? My parents don't know anything about me being depressed or self-harming. Perhaps it would be a good step to tell them, to try and get it off my chest? What about seeing my doctor, would that be a good idea? I could perhaps inform him of my past symptoms and ask him what treatment he would have given me had I told him at the time, and ask about what I should do in case my depression recurs.
Suggestions? My thanks to you all in advance.
I'll try and keep this short. A few years ago, I was depressed for quite some time. The depression began really when I was 11, and probably continued until I was about 15 in various forms. Symptoms included the obvious feeling very sad, frequent crying, sleeping lots (just to be unconscious), frequent thoughts of suicide and of specific suicide methods and at about 14, self-harm.
At the age of 18 I am now much better, though I don't think the depression has ever quite left—does it ever leave anyone? However, apart from feeling anxious or agitated occasionally and the odd bout of crying, I do not seem to be depressed.
Importantly, I was never diagnosed as being depressed because I never sought help for it. However, I had the characteristic depressive symptoms I described above, and scored highly on the BDI (Beck Depression Inventory) self-test, which I understand is used as a diagnostic test for depression, so I'm pretty certain I was indeed moderately clinically depressed.
Basically, I am haunted by memories of my depression and self-harm. I can't help but wonder 'what if I had got help?'. I'm not really sure what to do about it because I'm not depressed at the moment, so I feel I can't go to my doctor about it. I think maybe what I want or need is vindication: to know that my depression was real, and that I really did have a problem worth treating.
What do you think I should do to fix this? My parents don't know anything about me being depressed or self-harming. Perhaps it would be a good step to tell them, to try and get it off my chest? What about seeing my doctor, would that be a good idea? I could perhaps inform him of my past symptoms and ask him what treatment he would have given me had I told him at the time, and ask about what I should do in case my depression recurs.
Suggestions? My thanks to you all in advance.