synthetic ghost
October 13th, 2014, 08:24 PM
In exactly 7 hours and 14 minutes on from this post, I will be sat in a cosy office at my nearest CAMHS "facility" opposite my therapist.
I am absolutely bricking it.
It's not like I haven't been before; I have. I've met with a lovely psychologist named Emily multiple times, an extremely understanding psychiatrist named Jane twice post-hospitalisation and my current psychiatrist, Nisha, once for an assessment.
I don't know why but my anxiety is a lot worse than it was when I first met Nisha. I've had countless anxiety attacks in the last 72 hours and multiple panic attacks. I have had hardly any sleep and I'm dreading it.
I don't have a phone as it's broken, therefore I cannot listen to music which in turn means I cannot go to my "safe place" (music allows me to daydream, teleporting me away from the constant chaos).
Is there any tips on how to cope with "first session nerves"? How did your first therapy sessions go?
And, also, when I last saw Nisha, I was fifteen. Now that I am sixteen, am I eligible to give permission in regards to the sharing person information with my school and my family? Or am I still considered a minor in this field of medicine?
Also, when I attended the assessment session, Nisha told me that she is partially death. This means I have to either repeat what I say multiple times or either shout it. These are both impossible as because of my anxiety I tend to speak quietly and I become panicky if I have to repeat what I say as I feel like I am failing in the process of trying to get her to understand.
Also, in the report that was mailed home, Nisha wrote that I was "socially unacceptable" throughout the session until the end when I smiled due to her sharing in a interest in one of the bands I like. This, in turn, is making me anxious as I have been even more self-aware and self-concious of my actions and thoughts in social situations ever since and I feel like she will notice if I mess up during our session because she's paying such close attention to my behaviour.
I don't know. This is really playing on my mind. Looks like another sleepless night for me.
I am absolutely bricking it.
It's not like I haven't been before; I have. I've met with a lovely psychologist named Emily multiple times, an extremely understanding psychiatrist named Jane twice post-hospitalisation and my current psychiatrist, Nisha, once for an assessment.
I don't know why but my anxiety is a lot worse than it was when I first met Nisha. I've had countless anxiety attacks in the last 72 hours and multiple panic attacks. I have had hardly any sleep and I'm dreading it.
I don't have a phone as it's broken, therefore I cannot listen to music which in turn means I cannot go to my "safe place" (music allows me to daydream, teleporting me away from the constant chaos).
Is there any tips on how to cope with "first session nerves"? How did your first therapy sessions go?
And, also, when I last saw Nisha, I was fifteen. Now that I am sixteen, am I eligible to give permission in regards to the sharing person information with my school and my family? Or am I still considered a minor in this field of medicine?
Also, when I attended the assessment session, Nisha told me that she is partially death. This means I have to either repeat what I say multiple times or either shout it. These are both impossible as because of my anxiety I tend to speak quietly and I become panicky if I have to repeat what I say as I feel like I am failing in the process of trying to get her to understand.
Also, in the report that was mailed home, Nisha wrote that I was "socially unacceptable" throughout the session until the end when I smiled due to her sharing in a interest in one of the bands I like. This, in turn, is making me anxious as I have been even more self-aware and self-concious of my actions and thoughts in social situations ever since and I feel like she will notice if I mess up during our session because she's paying such close attention to my behaviour.
I don't know. This is really playing on my mind. Looks like another sleepless night for me.