The lines are become blured

[The Lone Assassin]

I have always been... Different. But I have realised something. I'm not the same anymore. I seem to be a much more aggressive, filthy minded guy.

But that's not the point. I feel that I'm becoming something dark... I have something else there. A deep, dark side. But I don't understand this all. Its affecting me though. I am beginning to become distracted by these dark thought and then they just stop... Instantaniasly.

That's not the only thing though. I'm forgetting things. Like things I should remember. I'm starting to forget who I was and who I am.

But here is the big thing, its those big kitchen knifes in the draw. Whenever I dry the cutlery, I always have to dry a big, sharp meat knife. And every time I hold it, I look at it and grip it hard. I put the towel on the side and observe how shiney and sharp the knife is. And then it happens... That dark though of killing those people who bullied me, upset me, being mean to me... The rage makes my blood boil... And then, the tear runs down my face. I let out a sigh and put the knife away.

This happens at least once a week. And its getting worse. The lines are finally blurring for me. I need help to see what I am, what I have. And what I've become...

[Karkat]

You might be having dissociative episodes or blackouts- some of this happens to me as well.

If you feel you are a danger to yourself or others, please get help immediately.

[James Dean]

It's going to be fine. Just chill down for a minute. Two wrongs don't make a right and you and I both know that's not the way to deal with those types of problems. I am sorry that you are dealing with that, and I am very concerned about your safety. Don't make it a habit of continuing to do this. Let's try to get to the start of the issue.

If you are dealing with bullying, isolation abuse, that needs to be examined further. I want for you to calm yourself down and find write your feelings down or draw your expressions out. I don't want you hurting yourself or anyone else. That's letting them win and you are a winner, you are not going to conform to what the bullies and jerks want you to do. Nobody is perfect and you should be happy you are one of the few that can actually admit to their problem and talk about it openly. :)

We are here and we want the best for you. Talk to a professional if you have to, don't feel alone. Hang in there. :)

[Elena_]

I have always been... Different. But I have realised something. I'm not the same anymore. I seem to be a much more aggressive, filthy minded guy.

But that's not the point. I feel that I'm becoming something dark... I have something else there. A deep, dark side. But I don't understand this all. Its affecting me though. I am beginning to become distracted by these dark thought and then they just stop... Instantaniasly.

That's not the only thing though. I'm forgetting things. Like things I should remember. I'm starting to forget who I was and who I am.

But here is the big thing, its those big kitchen knifes in the draw. Whenever I dry the cutlery, I always have to dry a big, sharp meat knife. And every time I hold it, I look at it and grip it hard. I put the towel on the side and observe how shiney and sharp the knife is. And then it happens... That dark though of killing those people who bullied me, upset me, being mean to me... The rage makes my blood boil... And then, the tear runs down my face. I let out a sigh and put the knife away.

This happens at least once a week. And its getting worse. The lines are finally blurring for me. I need help to see what I am, what I have. And what I've become...

Sorry , bullying is awful ... but if you want to hurt them , then you are like those guys ... I think your reaction it's normal , at least for me : sometimes I would like to kill everybody , but that isn't a solution ... But it the problem persist , you should visit the psychologist's.

[Leprous]

I have always been... Different. But I have realised something. I'm not the same anymore. I seem to be a much more aggressive, filthy minded guy.

But that's not the point. I feel that I'm becoming something dark... I have something else there. A deep, dark side. But I don't understand this all. Its affecting me though. I am beginning to become distracted by these dark thought and then they just stop... Instantaniasly.

That's not the only thing though. I'm forgetting things. Like things I should remember. I'm starting to forget who I was and who I am.

But here is the big thing, its those big kitchen knifes in the draw. Whenever I dry the cutlery, I always have to dry a big, sharp meat knife. And every time I hold it, I look at it and grip it hard. I put the towel on the side and observe how shiney and sharp the knife is. And then it happens... That dark though of killing those people who bullied me, upset me, being mean to me... The rage makes my blood boil... And then, the tear runs down my face. I let out a sigh and put the knife away.

This happens at least once a week. And its getting worse. The lines are finally blurring for me. I need help to see what I am, what I have. And what I've become...

Well, this desrcibes me almost perfectly. I suggest you should get professional help, talk to someone about it.