Is it a good idea to tell your parents?

[Dying Ember]

I've recently talked to my school nurse about my self harm, and she is suggesting that I tell my parents because it would mean it would be easier to get counselling if my parents knew (so they can take me there, they hardly ever let me go out with my friends so I wouldn't be able to get there myself) The problem is, I just can't tell them. For years I've been distanced from them. I never talk to them about anything personal, and rarely have a proper conversation with them. After my whole life of doing this, its just impossible to speak to them about anything. If it was my choice (I guess its technically supposed to be) then I wouldn't tell them. But my friend asked what the nurse said to me and I told her and she's pressuring me to tell my parents. It didn't end very well and we were fighting pretty badly. I really don't know what to do. I REALLY don't want to tell them, I find it impossible to talk about personal issues. And I'm afraid it will make things at home worse and I'll hurt them.

[CosmicNoodle]

I'm trying to figure out exactly the same thing. I really think it can help, but the thought of telling them turns my stomach

[Dying Ember]

I'm trying to figure out exactly the same thing. I really think it can help, but the thought of telling them turns my stomach

Same here, I'm so scared of it. I'm crap at talking to people which just makes it worse.

[ImagineRepublicCity]

Well, I'm not sure what it's like in the UK for you but in Australia, we are obliged to tell someone else if a person is going to hurt themselves or someone else, so when I talked to the psych, she was obliged to tell my mum.

It's only personal judgment. If you know you can stop and you have the willingness to be able to do these things on your own, don't bother, but if you do so believe you will need professional help and all, tell your parents. If you don't know how to say it, write it in a note (I actually found my note from last year yesterday).

It can be difficult to muster the words, but let them know how you feel, what's going on with your life, what are you doing and if they are effecting you or any other family members, let them know what they're doing to you. I know it's tough, but everyone does have the strength to get better, and I know you do too.

We are all here for you, and if things don't work out, don't get upset about it, because there are always places online you can vent on, helplines which are free of service and like you said, your school nurse (though if you have a psych, counselor or chaplain at your school, I would recommend talking to them instead)

All the best~ PM me if you need anyone to talk to. c:

[Seafood]

I've recently talked to my school nurse about my self harm, and she is suggesting that I tell my parents because it would mean it would be easier to get counselling if my parents knew (so they can take me there, they hardly ever let me go out with my friends so I wouldn't be able to get there myself) The problem is, I just can't tell them. For years I've been distanced from them. I never talk to them about anything personal, and rarely have a proper conversation with them. After my whole life of doing this, its just impossible to speak to them about anything. If it was my choice (I guess its technically supposed to be) then I wouldn't tell them. But my friend asked what the nurse said to me and I told her and she's pressuring me to tell my parents. It didn't end very well and we were fighting pretty badly. I really don't know what to do. I REALLY don't want to tell them, I find it impossible to talk about personal issues. And I'm afraid it will make things at home worse and I'll hurt them.

It definitely is. Please do it cutie.

[Karkat]

As long as your parents aren't:

-Abusive/neglective
-Overly passive
-The kind of people who think this is something a priest or shaman can solve, or just generally out of touch with reality (sorry)

It might be best to tell them.

Honestly, most parents just want to protect their kids. Chances are, while your parents might be worried or confused, maybe a little mad or ashamed at first, they just want to help you. It might've hard to tell them, but in the end, recovery isn't an easy process. But it's worth it. You will look back on the hard work and you will be damn pleased with yourself.

I wish you the best of luck. :hug:

[wonderland]

it's a very difficult thing to do and it probably wont be easy, but on a whole i believe that it's best you tell them. Sometimes the thought of it is worse then actually telling them.
my mum always used to talk about how self harm was stupid and just for attention, i was fucking terrified of her finding out. But once she found out i was doing it she was very understanding and just wanted to support me with it as much as she could.

Is there anyone else you could get to tell them for you if you're uncomfortable saying yourself?

[Ambrosia]

In all honesty I recommend telling them now. I had it set in stone that I would never tell my parents. I didn't feel they would ever understand, we didn't talk much and it was just so far out of their league. I just knew it was. Now, though, I wish I had told them sooner. I ended up having to tell them because of a situation that had no other explaination. I couldn't lie to them, there was no lie that would cover up the situation. Telling my mother was so hard. I was nervous and afraid of the repurcusions. We had a kid walk down the road in front of our house once, cutting his wrists. He laid down in the middle of the road, bleeding everywhere, screaming that no one touch him so he could die. My mom spent weeks talking about how idiotic it was to self harm and how it was a bunch of attention whores. I was so afraid she would judge me like that. It ended up extremely easy, she cried and asked if it was her fault. I explained it wasn't. She wanted to know why I did it, how long. Apologized perfusely for having never noticed for all those years. She then told me about how she had once suffered from something similar when she was a teenager. It was eye opening, at the least, and we grew closer from it. Ever since I've stopped cutting I don't have to hide my scars from them. It makes things sooo much more comfortable when I am around my family.

But do it when you feel you're ready. I just think it is easier now then when something bad happens that forces you.

[myfoodisnotshared]

Well firstly, good on you for talking to the school nurse - I don't know if the term brave offends you like it does me, but you've done so, so well just to talk to her, never mind your friend as well. I suppose for me, what's so hard about the idea of telling my parents isn't that I think they would make it worse for me, but the amount of pain it would cause them. And that is very, very hard to do, to tell your parents you're not okay. I've spent the last few months not scarring myself out of fear of when, not if, they were to find out.

But that hasn't worked for me; I'm not okay, and if you're looking to stop/regain control, personally I feel you need to reach out to someone and grip onto them hard. Have you tried ringing Samaritans? They're a charity set up to support people when they're strugglng and though they can be rubbish, they can be really brilliant. Perhaps you could try ringing them and in the meantime, build up a relationship with your mum/dad, to make it easier if Samaritans don't help.

Good luck! We're all rooting for you:)

[Dying Ember]

Well, I'm not sure what it's like in the UK for you but in Australia, we are obliged to tell someone else if a person is going to hurt themselves or someone else, so when I talked to the psych, she was obliged to tell my mum.

It's only personal judgment. If you know you can stop and you have the willingness to be able to do these things on your own, don't bother, but if you do so believe you will need professional help and all, tell your parents. If you don't know how to say it, write it in a note (I actually found my note from last year yesterday).

It can be difficult to muster the words, but let them know how you feel, what's going on with your life, what are you doing and if they are effecting you or any other family members, let them know what they're doing to you. I know it's tough, but everyone does have the strength to get better, and I know you do too.

We are all here for you, and if things don't work out, don't get upset about it, because there are always places online you can vent on, helplines which are free of service and like you said, your school nurse (though if you have a psych, counselor or chaplain at your school, I would recommend talking to them instead)

All the best~ PM me if you need anyone to talk to. c:

It definitely is. Please do it cutie.

As long as your parents aren't:

-Abusive/neglective
-Overly passive
-The kind of people who think this is something a priest or shaman can solve, or just generally out of touch with reality (sorry)

It might be best to tell them.

Honestly, most parents just want to protect their kids. Chances are, while your parents might be worried or confused, maybe a little mad or ashamed at first, they just want to help you. It might've hard to tell them, but in the end, recovery isn't an easy process. But it's worth it. You will look back on the hard work and you will be damn pleased with yourself.

I wish you the best of luck. :hug:

it's a very difficult thing to do and it probably wont be easy, but on a whole i believe that it's best you tell them. Sometimes the thought of it is worse then actually telling them.
my mum always used to talk about how self harm was stupid and just for attention, i was fucking terrified of her finding out. But once she found out i was doing it she was very understanding and just wanted to support me with it as much as she could.

Is there anyone else you could get to tell them for you if you're uncomfortable saying yourself?

In all honesty I recommend telling them now. I had it set in stone that I would never tell my parents. I didn't feel they would ever understand, we didn't talk much and it was just so far out of their league. I just knew it was. Now, though, I wish I had told them sooner. I ended up having to tell them because of a situation that had no other explaination. I couldn't lie to them, there was no lie that would cover up the situation. Telling my mother was so hard. I was nervous and afraid of the repurcusions. We had a kid walk down the road in front of our house once, cutting his wrists. He laid down in the middle of the road, bleeding everywhere, screaming that no one touch him so he could die. My mom spent weeks talking about how idiotic it was to self harm and how it was a bunch of attention whores. I was so afraid she would judge me like that. It ended up extremely easy, she cried and asked if it was her fault. I explained it wasn't. She wanted to know why I did it, how long. Apologized perfusely for having never noticed for all those years. She then told me about how she had once suffered from something similar when she was a teenager. It was eye opening, at the least, and we grew closer from it. Ever since I've stopped cutting I don't have to hide my scars from them. It makes things sooo much more comfortable when I am around my family.

But do it when you feel you're ready. I just think it is easier now then when something bad happens that forces you.

Well firstly, good on you for talking to the school nurse - I don't know if the term brave offends you like it does me, but you've done so, so well just to talk to her, never mind your friend as well. I suppose for me, what's so hard about the idea of telling my parents isn't that I think they would make it worse for me, but the amount of pain it would cause them. And that is very, very hard to do, to tell your parents you're not okay. I've spent the last few months not scarring myself out of fear of when, not if, they were to find out.

But that hasn't worked for me; I'm not okay, and if you're looking to stop/regain control, personally I feel you need to reach out to someone and grip onto them hard. Have you tried ringing Samaritans? They're a charity set up to support people when they're strugglng and though they can be rubbish, they can be really brilliant. Perhaps you could try ringing them and in the meantime, build up a relationship with your mum/dad, to make it easier if Samaritans don't help.

Good luck! We're all rooting for you:)


We are all here for you, and if things don't work out, don't get upset about it, because there are always places online you can vent on, helplines which are free of service and like you said, your school nurse (though if you have a psych, counselor or chaplain at your school, I would recommend talking to them instead)

All the best~ PM me if you need anyone to talk to. c:[/QUOTE]

It definitely is. Please do it cutie.

As long as your parents aren't:

-Abusive/neglective
-Overly passive
-The kind of people who think this is something a priest or shaman can solve, or just generally out of touch with reality (sorry)

It might be best to tell them.

Honestly, most parents just want to protect their kids. Chances are, while your parents might be worried or confused, maybe a little mad or ashamed at first, they just want to help you. It might've hard to tell them, but in the end, recovery isn't an easy process. But it's worth it. You will look back on the hard work and you will be damn pleased with yourself.

I wish you the best of luck. :hug:

it's a very difficult thing to do and it probably wont be easy, but on a whole i believe that it's best you tell them. Sometimes the thought of it is worse then actually telling them.
my mum always used to talk about how self harm was stupid and just for attention, i was fucking terrified of her finding out. But once she found out i was doing it she was very understanding and just wanted to support me with it as much as she could.

Is there anyone else you could get to tell them for you if you're uncomfortable saying yourself?

In all honesty I recommend telling them now. I had it set in stone that I would never tell my parents. I didn't feel they would ever understand, we didn't talk much and it was just so far out of their league. I just knew it was. Now, though, I wish I had told them sooner. I ended up having to tell them because of a situation that had no other explaination. I couldn't lie to them, there was no lie that would cover up the situation. Telling my mother was so hard. I was nervous and afraid of the repurcusions. We had a kid walk down the road in front of our house once, cutting his wrists. He laid down in the middle of the road, bleeding everywhere, screaming that no one touch him so he could die. My mom spent weeks talking about how idiotic it was to self harm and how it was a bunch of attention whores. I was so afraid she would judge me like that. It ended up extremely easy, she cried and asked if it was her fault. I explained it wasn't. She wanted to know why I did it, how long. Apologized perfusely for having never noticed for all those years. She then told me about how she had once suffered from something similar when she was a teenager. It was eye opening, at the least, and we grew closer from it. Ever since I've stopped cutting I don't have to hide my scars from them. It makes things sooo much more comfortable when I am around my family.

But do it when you feel you're ready. I just think it is easier now then when something bad happens that forces you.

Well firstly, good on you for talking to the school nurse - I don't know if the term brave offends you like it does me, but you've done so, so well just to talk to her, never mind your friend as well. I suppose for me, what's so hard about the idea of telling my parents isn't that I think they would make it worse for me, but the amount of pain it would cause them. And that is very, very hard to do, to tell your parents you're not okay. I've spent the last few months not scarring myself out of fear of when, not if, they were to find out.

But that hasn't worked for me; I'm not okay, and if you're looking to stop/regain control, personally I feel you need to reach out to someone and grip onto them hard. Have you tried ringing Samaritans? They're a charity set up to support people when they're strugglng and though they can be rubbish, they can be really brilliant. Perhaps you could try ringing them and in the meantime, build up a relationship with your mum/dad, to make it easier if Samaritans don't help.

Good luck! We're all rooting for you:)


Hey, thank you all for all your advice. It really is appreciated.

The school nurse is the only person that is confidential. There's a pupil support but she was recently replaced and has to tell our parents. The school nurse said that if i was to tell my parents she could do it for me and have all of us in a meeting (i would hate that though). I might end up having no choice but to tell them though if things keep getting worse.
My parents are.. I don't know. They care about me and they aren't bad people but I really wouldn't want to talk to them unless it was absolutely necessary. My dad spends most of his time shouting. If he's not doing that then he's working. He gets a slightly violent at times (probably not as far as abusive). Neither of them give a shit if they uspet me. I will be crying right in front of them and they will just get mad and ignore the fact that I'm crying. They dont understand me and the one thing that they are focused on about me is work and school.

speaking to my friend didn't work out. It ended up in a bad argument. She sat there throwing bitchy comments at me and my other friend while we were trying to get her to understand. Her mum doesn't want her to have anything to do with the situation anymore because she can't cope with it (understandably). I totally get where she's coming from but its the fact that she's being so mean about it that's upsetting. I don't know where things go from here now.

I haven't tried Samaritans, thanks, I'll keep it in mind :)

[Karkat]

Hey, thank you all for all your advice. It really is appreciated.

The school nurse is the only person that is confidential. There's a pupil support but she was recently replaced and has to tell our parents. The school nurse said that if i was to tell my parents she could do it for me and have all of us in a meeting (i would hate that though). I might end up having no choice but to tell them though if things keep getting worse.
My parents are.. I don't know. They care about me and they aren't bad people but I really wouldn't want to talk to them unless it was absolutely necessary. My dad spends most of his time shouting. If he's not doing that then he's working. He gets a slightly violent at times (probably not as far as abusive). Neither of them give a shit if they uspet me. I will be crying right in front of them and they will just get mad and ignore the fact that I'm crying. They dont understand me and the one thing that they are focused on about me is work and school.

speaking to my friend didn't work out. It ended up in a bad argument. She sat there throwing bitchy comments at me and my other friend while we were trying to get her to understand. Her mum doesn't want her to have anything to do with the situation anymore because she can't cope with it (understandably). I totally get where she's coming from but its the fact that she's being so mean about it that's upsetting. I don't know where things go from here now.

I haven't tried Samaritans, thanks, I'll keep it in mind :)

I wish you the best of luck. :hug:

[Dying Ember]

I wish you the best of luck. :hug:

Thank you :)

[Karkat]

Thank you :)

You're welcome :)

[ImagineRepublicCity]

Hey, thank you all for all your advice. It really is appreciated.

The school nurse is the only person that is confidential. There's a pupil support but she was recently replaced and has to tell our parents. The school nurse said that if i was to tell my parents she could do it for me and have all of us in a meeting (i would hate that though). I might end up having no choice but to tell them though if things keep getting worse.
My parents are.. I don't know. They care about me and they aren't bad people but I really wouldn't want to talk to them unless it was absolutely necessary. My dad spends most of his time shouting. If he's not doing that then he's working. He gets a slightly violent at times (probably not as far as abusive). Neither of them give a shit if they uspet me. I will be crying right in front of them and they will just get mad and ignore the fact that I'm crying. They dont understand me and the one thing that they are focused on about me is work and school.

speaking to my friend didn't work out. It ended up in a bad argument. She sat there throwing bitchy comments at me and my other friend while we were trying to get her to understand. Her mum doesn't want her to have anything to do with the situation anymore because she can't cope with it (understandably). I totally get where she's coming from but its the fact that she's being so mean about it that's upsetting. I don't know where things go from here now.

I haven't tried Samaritans, thanks, I'll keep it in mind :)

I don't know about helplines in the UK, but I found this website->
http://www.helplines.org/index.html
You'll always be able to find someone that'll help you, so don't look down. c:

[Dying Ember]

I don't know about helplines in the UK, but I found this website->
http://www.helplines.org/index.html
You'll always be able to find someone that'll help you, so don't look down. c:

Thank you so much :)
I'm trying not to, at least I've got my friend and the people on VT. I'm grateful for that.

[romes3]

I'm debating the same thing right now. I don't talk to my parents about a lot of things, but I'm considering telling them. I think you should if you feel ready, they are your parents so they will feel hurt/worried at first. If counseling will help you, then definitely tell them.