Depressed and confused

[Flufcookie]

I'm only 14 and for like the past 2 months I've been devastated. It started in July when my on online friend showed me lesbian porn, at that point I questioned everything. I got extremely bad anxiety added to my already bad anxiety and my depression worsened. I got slightly better in the midst of August until one event happened. You see ive always been supportive of the LBTQ community, I have several friends who are respectfully batting for either teams. But one night I was talking to my group of online friends (who were all gay) and my one friend stated how she really wanted to be straight but she ended up gay. Her father is proudly gay, but I got 5 panic attacks and terrible insomnia/still have terrible insomnia. I don't know, I feel unattracted to either gender, I had a crush on this boy and my heart would skip a beat each time I saw him and I would smile whenever I was close to him (note this was only a week ago) and I fell romantically/sexually in LOVE with this one guy I knew for 5 years. I don't want to be gay/turn out gay just do to the fact I love the way men act, always have, I appreciate the female form but I'm not attracted to it. Looking back I sound extremely straight im so confused! Is this hormones?? Since I have a hormone defincency I was a later bloomer. This sucks, is it a phase? I really don't want to be gay (no offence)

[CosmicNoodle]

Dn't worry about offending people for not wanting to be gay, to be honest it ain't so great having a different sexuality, people constantly discriminate against you... :/

Anyway, don't be afraid of your sexuality, there's nothing you can do to change it. So embrace it. It's not wrong, it's not weird, it's not discusting, it's perfectly normal and natural to feel the way you do. Aand to be honest yes, this may just be a phase, for about 6 months I was convinced I was gay, nope, turns out I was Bi, hormones will screw with your mind in a multitude of different ways, this may be a permint thing, you may get over it in a week, it's really quite hard to tell.

PM me if you have any questions

(PM means Private Message, to send one you have to click my username and it will show a drop down menue, there will be an option called "Send private message", click that)

[Flufcookie]

Sadly I got very suicidal, I'm glad I didn't do anything though I attempted several times. Please help.

[JamesSuperBoy]

So - the details about your online friends - that is not what is causing your anxiety is is a crush and thoughts. Now that is kinda in the normal range of puberty things

http://www.faqs.org/health/Healthy-Living-V1/Sexuality-Kissing-dating-and-physical-attraction.html

http://kidshealth.org/kid/feeling/thought/crushes.html

so here is some info to read over - not all will apply to you as puberty is such a varied deal for everyone

hope it helps

also are you on any meds atm ( if you dont want to say thats ok)

[Flufcookie]

So - the details about your online friends - that is not what is causing your anxiety is is a crush and thoughts. Now that is kinda in the normal range of puberty things


so here is some info to read over - not all will apply to you as puberty is such a varied deal for everyone

hope it helps

also are you on any meds atm ( if you dont want to say thats ok)

You see, I get what you mean. I never actually thought romantically of this girl, and I didn't really know her very well. I didn't care too much for her to be totally honest, though this one girl I knew developed a crush on me and I became very very uncomfortable and didn't want to speak to her because I was repulsed.
I feel bad because I don't want to be gay/bi in anyway (because Im repulsed and unattractive by the female form) so I might as well be abstinent my entire life. I've taken several meds which didnt help and only made me feel numb. I hate everything right now.

[Flufcookie]

I'm also a girl, idk maybe if you guys thought I was a guy.

[JamesSuperBoy]

I'm also a girl, idk maybe if you guys thought I was a guy.


oooops mistake yes and thanks for setting it right - I confused you with and another member with similar name.

[Flufcookie]

You see, I get what you mean. I never actually thought romantically of this girl, and I didn't really know her very well. I didn't care too much for her to be totally honest, though this one girl I knew developed a crush on me and I became very very uncomfortable and didn't want to speak to her because I was repulsed.
I feel bad because I don't want to be gay/bi in anyway (because Im repulsed and unattractive by the female form) so I might as well be abstinent my entire life. I've taken several meds which didnt help and only made me feel numb. I hate everything right now.

oooops mistake yes and thanks for setting it right - I confused you with and another member with similar name.

Haha, it's cool I got extremely panicked good thing that cleared up.

[Karkat]

Sounds like you're either straight, or a bisexual heavily in denial. I wouldn't say you're gay.

Regardless of what you end up realizing, you can't exactly change who you are.

[Flufcookie]

Sounds like you're either straight, or a bisexual heavily in denial. I wouldn't say you're gay.

Regardless of what you end up realizing, you can't exactly change who you are.

This actually cleared up my foggy mind, thanks:D

[Karkat]

This actually cleared up my foggy mind, thanks:D

You're welcome :) Best of luck

[allisonmyers]

hang in there just be you gay or not in the grand meaning of life be happy with who you are and embrace life