Essay on losing yourself in favor of someone else

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I think that, in certain ways, to love someone means to detach yourself from your self. To put a certain distance between you and the you you used to be, thus by this distance reducing the space between you and your lover. And so you end up closer to that person than to yourself. Maybe this is a good thing, maybe this proximity to that other soul is the fire you need to stay warm during the winter of your discontent with life. It is perhaps the wall that shall protect you from the wind of despondency that blows oh so often nowadays… Perhaps through this transcendence you are able to finally find that niche where you belong, the tiny you-shaped space you’ve been so looking for. And perhaps by this removal from your you-made shell, you’re able to find the tiny switch that’ll turn on the light, the infinitely small crack in the wall of the cave from which but a sliver of rock is missing, but through which you can slither out towards the open world, able to use your own eyes again. Yet would it be your eyes you’d be using? How safe it is to detach yourself from the anchors that keep you docked after all? Sure, they say a boat’s role is not to be kept in the safe harbor, but the risk you’re running might be higher than the prize’s worth. All the principles on which you’ve built your world are gone from under you, because that’s what love is – altering the rules of your life in order for it to fit the shape of your loved one’s. Yet sometimes your heart’s logic is not the safest and you might end up without that person that used to keep you floating, hanging so high on such a breakable thread, far away from all that you’ve known, far away in pain, at the very bottom of your strength, realizing you’ve got too little energy to go back. And perhaps that’s why “I hope I don’t fall in love with you, cause falling in love only makes me blue.”[Tom Waits]


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