Why LDRs?

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

On VT I come across a multitude of posts in this sub section that basically say: How do I deal with my LDR (long distance realtionship)?

I'm going to be completely honest here. I think LDRs are some of the most stupid bullshit ever made up. By my definition, a relationship requires intimacy, and trust, neither of which a couple can really have over phone, text or facecam.

Sure, it may work out for a couple months, but let's face it. Eventually, the distance part of the equation will split you apart. They'll move on and so will you, so isn't it better just to let them move on in the first place.

Maybe, it will work out though. For every classic story of the BF/GF that moves away, loses contact and is never heard from again, there's the LDR couple that has not only kept the flower alive, but let it blossom. I'm not saying this scenario is impossible, just highly unlikely.So why not just let the flower die, and plant a new one?

Also, for those that say:" s/he was the only boy/girl I'll ever love and I'll never let him/her go", get a reality check. You'll be over them in a month tops.

All right VT, prepare your weapons, because it's time to beat the shit outnof me with your counter arguments. Just try to leave my head attached to my neck, please.

[Rdsxbaseballfan]

I actually totally agree with you, I never understood them and would never put myself in that type of relationship, just not worth it

[Ambrosia]

Many people pursue Long Distance Relationships because it is what works for them at that time. Now the question is, did they know the person in real life to begin with or was it an internet relationship all along?

People who have Long Distance Relationships after having been in a relationship with that person in Real Life do it because it is what works. Dating the person for a period longer then the first few months and then you or they move away. You could be madly in love with them. This could be the person you plan on staying with forever but a twisted turn of fate made you or them move. People will normally put the relationship to the test and see: Can this relationship last Long Distance? If it does then there you have it. If it doesn't well...yeah.

If the people never have met or only met once or twice in real life it can rarely last. Not having the touch, the feel, or the personal connection of real life encounters makes it difficult beyond belief. People normally pursue these relationships for lack of real life dating abilities. More often then not, they pursue them because the person they have met fits all the qualities in a person that they have yet to meet in real life. It can often times feel easier to online date because there is no pressure of going out, dressing up, first kisses, all the things real life throws at you. These normally fail pretty quickly because someone lied about what they look like, temptation takes over someone and they "cheat" (All though it's not cheating if it wasn't a real relationship to begin with), or someone realizes that it just doesn't work.

Temptation is ultimately what makes Long Distance Relationships fail, though. I personally find them to be pointless unless you have been together at least a good year in real life before it becomes Long Distance. So I do agree.

[everlong]

I understand the concept of LDR's and I don't think there's anything wrong with them but I would hate to be in one. I like having the special someone close to me, physically close.

[Croconaw]

I don't really like them. I feel like both sides have to be willing to make things work. I just find it very risky because of catfish. :lol:

[Typhlosion]

I've been in one LDR.

I met her on the first month of highschool, a great gal that was within this circle of friends I kinda was pushed into. I liked her, and she liked me, and we started developing something, being greatly boosted when I her, and a friend of hers went for a walk through a fair and then the city, us two. At the same time, a guy, that's just really friendly with pretty much anyone, was making me feel jealous. At it pretty much unsatisfactorily crumbled after that. There was also the constant pressure of knowing she would be going away before the second semester.

Somehow(?) those feelings pretty much didn't die in either of us. I started talking to her again November 2012 and our friendship quickly reestablished. January she kinda asks if I wanted to be in a relationship (read: "wanna be my boyfriend?"). It went really(!) well for the first few months until I kinda started isolating, losing interest knowing it wouldn't work. Should not have done that. During our LDR, we were under the idea that we'd meet again right after highscool and possible in the middle of the year, so it wasn't just loose-ended.

Man, I still get the feels writing this after 4 years of meeting her. Them feels.
Had I put more effort, it would have been a happy story.

You gotta put a lot of dedication because of the lack of IRL contact. If you really want to, it can work.

I'm not saying this scenario is impossible, just highly unlikely.So why not just let the flower die, and plant a new one? Also, for those that say:" s/he was the only boy/girl I'll ever love and I'll never let him/her go", get a reality check. You'll be over them in a month tops. Honestly, I'm still not 100% over yet. My last dream with her in it was around only a month ago.

Man, she was special. Not in the lovey-illuded way, she really was.

[CosmicNoodle]

Right!

-It's none of your busness what other peopler do, is it?
-Why do you care?
-It makes people happy, isn't that a good thing? No, ohh your right, people should just stay alone, what was I thinking?
-Is it better to have not loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

You may want to reword your thread, to be fair it made you sound like an agry, lonely guy whos angry at the happines of others.

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

Right!

-It's none of your busness what other peopler do, is it?
-Why do you care?
-It makes people happy, isn't that a good thing? No, ohh your right, people should just stay alone, what was I thinking?
-Is it better to have not loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

You may want to reword your thread, to be fair it made you sound like an agry, lonely guy whos angry at the happines of others.

Happiness? From the threads I've seen, Long Distance Relationships only seem to make people miserable.

[CosmicNoodle]

Happiness? From the threads I've seen, Long Distance Relationships only seem to make people miserable.

My last LDR made me happier than I have ever been! What would you know about other peoples happieness?

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

My last LDR made me happier than I have ever been! What would you know about other peoples happieness?

The vast majority of the threads I've seen here entail being afraid that the relationship will end, scared of being cheated on... and all that jazz. In that case you'd be happier to just let it go... but your last LDR falls into the exceptions category of people who made it work. I'm not condemning all LDR's, just the ones that make people upset.

And honestly, I don't know what makes other people happy, but because I'm a dedicated VTer I will damned as well try, because I care. All I'm trying to do is give semi-helpful advice based on what I've seen from my standpoint. If that's not good enough for you, then so. be. it.

[CosmicNoodle]

The vast majority of the threads I've seen here entail being afraid that the relationship will end, scared of being cheated on... and all that jazz. In that case you'd be happier to just let it go... but your last LDR falls into the exceptions category of people who made it work. I'm not condemning all LDR's, just the ones that make people upset.

And honestly, I don't know what makes other people happy, but because I'm a dedicated VTer I will damned as well try, because I care. All I'm trying to do is give semi-helpful advice based on what I've seen from my standpoint. If that's not good enough for you, then so. be. it.

It not really helpful advice though is it/ It's more you going off on a rant about how you don't like them, isn't it? Or is that how you define advice?
If people want to take the chance of finding something beautiful at the risk of being hurt, how is that business of yours?

(And I know your a dedicated VT'er, and in fact I quite like you, but I dont see how that has anything to do with this, why did you even mention it?)

[Ben_Frost]

Happiness? From the threads I've seen, Long Distance Relationships only seem to make people miserable.

Most of the take a turn for this. I was in one for a few years, it didn't end well because I never got to see the face of my e-boyfriend. It wasn't what I had expected, and those were three emotionally straining years. But as soon as it was over, I felt relieved.

What I have to say for advice, is that this kind of relationship is challenging and can be quite frustrating. Wouldn't recommend investing a lot of time in one.

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

It not really helpful advice though is it/ It's more you going off on a rant about how you don't like them, isn't it? Or is that how you define advice?
If people want to take the chance of finding something beautiful at the risk of being hurt, how is that business of yours?

(And I know your a dedicated VT'er, and in fact I quite like you, but I dont see how that has anything to do with this, why did you even mention it?)

The takeaway was supposed to be more than just a rant, it was also a way to say that if the relationship is toxic, then it's not worth your time.

Second, in long distance relationships, the chance of finding something beautiful is lower than the chance of finding something cruddy, and in my experience the rule of thumb is, if the chance of success is less than 1/4th the chance of failure, don't bother.

I would also like to state that by long distance relationship, I mean those that are established under circumstances of close proximity, until an event has the two participants physically separated by at least 100 miles.

Thirdly, I mentioned being a dedicated VTer because my job is to give people here advice, in this case being, don't make the same mistakes that others have made.

Third

[CosmicNoodle]

The takeaway was supposed to be more than just a rant, it was also a way to say that if the relationship is toxic, then it's not worth your time.

It came across more as a rant

Second, in long distance relationships, the chance of finding something beautiful is lower than the chance of finding something cruddy, and in my experience the rule of thumb is, if the chance of success is less than 1/4th the chance of failure, don't bother.

Soooo...it's better not to risk it? Thats just plain unadventurous

I would also like to state that by long distance relationship, I mean those that are established under circumstances of close proximity, until an event has the two participants physically separated by at least 100 miles.

My last LDR was across the distance of 3500 miles, and it didnt end because of the distance, it's not just distance thsat ends them, LDR's are open to the same strains and stresses axs normal relationships

Thirdly, I mentioned being a dedicated VTer because my job is to give people here advice, in this case being, don't make the same mistakes that others have made.

This one didn't make much sense to me, can you say again with different wording?

Third
Third what?


.....

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

It came across more as a rant
It was a rant with an implied set of practical advice.

Soooo...it's better not to risk it? Thats just plain unadventurous
The humble turtle does not sit in his shell and think things through simply to be unadventurous, he does so, so he doesn't get his head bitten off the first time he is faced with an adversary.


My last LDR was across the distance of 3500 miles, and it didnt end because of the distance, it's not just distance thsat ends them, LDR's are open to the same strains and stresses axs normal relationships
It is not the distance itself that makes many LDRs fail, it's the challenges that the distance imposes such as lack of intimacy and loss of trust.

This one didn't make much sense to me, can you say again with different wording?
Basically, I'm trying to advise the readers of this thread not to make decisions that normally end in disaster.

Third what?
Typo. :P


meep.

[CosmicNoodle]

meep.

Is it not best for the reader themselves to decide? After all, at the end of the day it's up to them, yes you can advise, but is it really wise to advise against something that could turn out very well? On the off chanvce that t could go wrong, and if it does go wrong, so what? Life lesson learned, it's like saying don't cross the road because you might get hurt.

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

Is it not best for the reader themselves to decide? After all, at the end of the day it's up to them, yes you can advise, but is it really wise to advise against something that could turn out very well? On the off chanvce that t could go wrong, and if it does go wrong, so what? Life lesson learned, it's like saying don't cross the road because you might get hurt.

What I'm is saying isn't comparable to "Don't cross the road because you might get hurt" it's more like: "Don't cross the highway with a broken leg in heavy traffic because you might get flattened" the chance of failure is much higher than the chance of success. And yes, I suppose it's beset for the reader to decide.

But honestly, why are we still arguing about this? it's not a valuable way to spend time, arguing with you (no offense), and I can at least assume you'd say the same.

[CosmicNoodle]

What I'm is saying isn't comparable to "Don't cross the road because you might get hurt" it's more like: "Don't cross the highway with a broken leg in heavy traffic because you might get flattened" the chance of failure is much higher than the chance of success. And yes, I suppose it's beset for the reader to decide.

But honestly, why are we still arguing about this? it's not a valuable way to spend time, arguing with you (no offense), and I can at least assume you'd say the same.

I'm juat to stuborn to admit defeat.. Also I don't really see the point of thos thread, you yourself admit it's up to the reader so why make the thread, they know the risks.

Ahyhoo, we both seem to be right in this situation, we both have good points for our argument, shall we call it even and end our argument?

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

I'm juat to stuborn to admit defeat.. Also I don't really see the point of thos thread, you yourself admit it's up to the reader so why make the thread, they know the risks.

Ahyhoo, we both seem to be right in this situation, we both have good points for our argument, shall we call it even and end our argument?

Agreed.

[JacobIN]

You come live in a small rural town in Indiana where out of 3000 people there are about 20 openly gay people. Not to mention a tone of people re religious, (not that that is bad) but these people take the bible to its literal meaning. To the point where you are actually afraid to come out, fearing for your own safety, fearing rejection from your friends, family, neighbors, and everybody else. Then you meet someone. Sure he is on the internet, sure he lives in New York, sure its a 7 hour drive costing about 250$ in gas one way, sure it seems impossible that you will ever meet him.

But you love him.
He is literally the only light in the tunnel for some of use. He is the only thing keeping some above the water, keeping the razor from their wrist. Keeping the pills in the bottle. Keeping the gun away from your head. Keeping those assholes who say they love you from breaking you.

So I don't know. Its weird all right. hard to be intimate. But why the hell does it matter? Some of us don't have other choices. Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend to pieces, but I would rather have a relationship IRL.

[James Dean]

Love is very silly and it isn't explainable sometimes. It is supposed to be naturally. Some people fall in love with someone older or younger. Someone of a different race. With this issue, we sometimes fall in love with people whom we have never even met or those who live in different states, countries areas of the world. I would need to examine and find out every detail of each situation before I offer my opinion on it. For example, catfishes happen because of this. So in those types of situations I would have to disagree on that. You should find someone in your area that lives near you and you can congregate with.

However, people move and we have online dating sites and whatnot and people go into the armed services and off to college. They might decide to breakup temporarily or stay in touch. It's hard to lose contact with someone you love. With the invention of skype and things, it makes it easier to do something like this.