Enjoying it?

[CosmicNoodle]

Ye, I know I'm making a lot of threads lately, throw rocks at me all you want but I'm in a much more vocal mood lately so deal with it.

Recently (over the past 3 or so weeks) I have got heavily back intok cutting, as some of you may have noticed. I've always done it but its got a lot worse recently.
And lately, I don't really do it because it relieves me anymore, I do it because I enjoy it, I no longer get relief, I get joy, I'll cut and it'll put me in a good mood, and that's kind of scarey.
So to sum it up, I now enjoy cutting because...well I don't know why, I just find joy in it.

Anyone else? Or do you guys just do it for relief?

[Magenta]

For me, I don't know why I started really. Then it was a punishment. Then I just started to enjoy it. I don't really understand it but I don't want to go back and try to understand either.

[Broken Toy]

Weigh it up. Is it worth it? The soreness afterwards. The hiding. Short term enjoyment for all that concealing and sore feeling if you rub it. My problem is itching them, hurts like fuuuck. I think paintball would be a good substitution if you can. Getting shot by someone else is better than cutting. And a hell of a lot more fun.

[CosmicNoodle]

Weigh it up. Is it worth it? The soreness afterwards. The hiding. Short term enjoyment for all that concealing and sore feeling if you rub it. My problem is itching them, hurts like fuuuck. I think paintball would be a good substitution if you can. Getting shot by someone else is better than cutting. And a hell of a lot more fun.

Last time I went paintballing I not shot in the balls from point blank range, that, fucking, hurt. The sort of pain that stays with you well into the next day, but admittedly it is fun.

[Broken Toy]

Last time I went paintballing I not shot in the balls from point blank range, that, fucking, hurt. The sort of pain that stays with you well into the next day, but admittedly it is fun.

That is:
Hilarious
Unfortunate

How did it happen!!!!

I know a guy who got his ball shot into his stomachs

[CosmicNoodle]

That is:
Hilarious
Unfortunate

How did it happen!!!!

I know a guy who got his ball shot into his stomachs

I went with my friends, so obviously we all tryed to kill each other or stab each other in the back, and on of my friends, Billy, thought it'd be funny to shoot at me point blank, and accidently shot me in the balls, I'm not ashamed to say I cried like a baby,

(I got my own back, I dropped a paintball grenade at his feet when he wasn't looking and nearly gave him a heart attack :D Paintball with friends is is much fun )

[Karkat]

It's more like relief and punishment for me. I mean, I get a little joy out of the feeling of being damaged afterwards, but I've already somewhat come to the conclusion that I'm a masochist anyways.

[Seafood]

I enjoy it. :(

[Babs]

It's a combination of punishment, relief and enjoyment for me. Gradually it eased from punishment, to relief to enjoyment, to all three.

[Princess Ariel]

At first I did it as a punishment. Then it became a relief. Then it came to "oh well that didn't work out well, guess the only option is to cut" (which thankfully didn't last longer than a month), then it made full circle and I still cut as a form of punishment.

[Desuetude]

Think is it's usually the relief that brings you the 'joy' even if it is short term. Just allowing yourself to go back to your coping mechanism and experience that sort of high and elated feeling you get after self harming can feel so good sometimes. A break from everything your feeling -to me at least- can feel amazing, even when it comes with the pain. You're going back to something you know, something you're familiar with which is when, as you said, things can get scary.

I'd really urge you to properly try and stop. You're noticing that the way things are going aren't good and I can tell you they’re only going to get worse if you carry on like this. Quitting now is going to be hard, but it's going to be supposedly easier than attempting to stop in a couple of months when you're further into the addictive habit.

I know you weren’t asking for this kind of advice but I’ve seen first hand where this kind of mindset can take you and it’s nowhere pretty. It will be hard as hell to quit, you will find it scary (possibly more so than what you’re already experiencing) but the end result will definitely be worth it.

[CosmicNoodle]

Think is it's usually the relief that brings you the 'joy' even if it is short term. Just allowing yourself to go back to your coping mechanism and experience that sort of high and elated feeling you get after self harming can feel so good sometimes. A break from everything your feeling -to me at least- can feel amazing, even when it comes with the pain. You're going back to something you know, something you're familiar with which is when, as you said, things can get scary.

I'd really urge you to properly try and stop. You're noticing that the way things are going aren't good and I can tell you they’re only going to get worse if you carry on like this. Quitting now is going to be hard, but it's going to be supposedly easier than attempting to stop in a couple of months when you're further into the addictive habit.

I know you weren’t asking for this kind of advice but I’ve seen first hand where this kind of mindset can take you and it’s nowhere pretty. It will be hard as hell to quit, you will find it scary (possibly more so than what you’re already experiencing) but the end result will definitely be worth it.

I'm already taking the first steps to stopping. I used to cut excesively about a year ago and I nearly ended up dead because of it, so I know how bad things can get, thats why I'm doing my best to stop now, before it grows, once again, into what it once was.
The day before yesterday I threw all of my blades away and came out to some of my friends about my SH issues. Hopefully, with the support that they are trying to give me, and a shit tone of will power I'll be able to stop before it gets bad again.

[Broken Toy]

I enjoy the after. Like when i put the blade on my skin i don't enjoy it because like it hurts. IM crazy not stupid (well anyone who knows me knows i am stupid but that's not the point now) but after i like the pain of the shower water on it (see that's crazy, i don't like the pain but i like the pain) and i like the blood.

Well i sound like someone to be avoided don't i.

[CosmicNoodle]

I enjoy the after. Like when i put the blade on my skin i don't enjoy it because like it hurts. IM crazy not stupid (well anyone who knows me knows i am stupid but that's not the point now) but after i like the pain of the shower water on it (see that's crazy, i don't like the pain but i like the pain) and i like the blood.

Well i sound like someone to be avoided don't i.

I enjoy seeing the blood, it feel satisfying to watch it run down my arm and drip onto the floor. Weird eh?

[Broken Toy]

I enjoy seeing the blood, it feel satisfying to watch it run down my arm and drip onto the floor. Weird eh?

IM a psycho anyway but yeah even by my standards its weird to just be like oh blood, yes!
I sometimes cut more if it doesn't bleed enough for me, that sounds so stupid typing it than it did in my head

[Ambrosia]

I haven't cut in 11 months. My last few years of cutting I went through spells where I did it because it was familiar. It made me feel good, but at the same time it made me feel horrible. These past 11 months I get the urge to cut even if I'm not feeling any emotional pain. I get it because I remember how it felt. It releases those little bubbles in your brain and makes you think you enjoy it. Try to avoid doing it. The scars you get from enjoying it are not worth it.

[TheN3rdyOutcast]

For me, it was a way to consolidate all the garbage piled up inside of me into a feeling of intense pain that would be over in a few seconds. Physically, I didn't enjoy it too much, but mentally, it was the best feeling ever.

[CosmicNoodle]

I haven't cut in 11 months. My last few years of cutting I went through spells where I did it because it was familiar. It made me feel good, but at the same time it made me feel horrible. These past 11 months I get the urge to cut even if I'm not feeling any emotional pain. I get it because I remember how it felt. It releases those little bubbles in your brain and makes you think you enjoy it. Try to avoid doing it. The scars you get from enjoying it are not worth it.

I know what you mean about scars not being worth it, since I started cutting aain I've moved to my lower left arm and it's horrible, when I did it on my leg it wasnt too bad becaus eyou can easily hide the scars, but now that they are on my arm, they are clearly vissible, and they will be there, clearly vissible, for my hole life, and that scares me.

For me, it was a way to consolidate all the garbage piled up inside of me into a feeling of intense pain that would be over in a few seconds. Physically, I didn't enjoy it too much, but mentally, it was the best feeling ever.

Yep, mentally it's better than heroin, but physically, it sucks donkey dick.

[Ambrosia]

I know what you mean about scars not being worth it, since I started cutting aain I've moved to my lower left arm and it's horrible, when I did it on my leg it wasnt too bad becaus eyou can easily hide the scars, but now that they are on my arm, they are clearly vissible, and they will be there, clearly vissible, for my hole life, and that scares me.

I have 70+ scars between my elbow and the palm of my hand, many of which are a few years old, all of which will never go away. They are raised and white and only get brighter and more noticable when I tan or get cold. It wouldn't be so bad if, when I see them, I know that a good amount of them were just because it felt "enjoyable" at the moment that I did them and made me feel better. Of course, no one ever listens to the whole "don't do it" rant when they already do it. But I still advise against it.