No more

[Lovelife090994]

I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. I hate life sometimes. Everyone around me is either happy or coping and I can't even do that. I hear voices and have three personalities. I want to end up, of course I have no way of doing that. I think it's official I don't love anyone anymore. I've only been backstabbed many times. I feel useless and that is my biggest fear and I'm alone which is another one. I hate every time I see someone because people sicken me.

I am a caring person but I am very reclusive. I wished for love and for life but that is impossible. It's official, I have no friends of life at the age of 20 and should be declared insane or whatever is above that. I feel lost and alone but whenever I try to get help or help offers itself it leaves or bares its fangs. I'm tired, so tired of faking smiles and being my family's puppet. I'm tired of being a disgrace, and having my hobbies run dry. I'm tired of it all. I don't even know why I'm alive right now. I feel like the world is on play while I'm on pause. I don't know who am I or what I want and I'm supposed to else I'll be evicted and even more alone than I already am. I don't have a reason to live anymore. I love nothing. I can't even pray like I used to. I know I'll face God soon but I'm too ashamed to look at him or pray and really don't need the extra yelling right now. I'm unraveling it seems. I don't know what to do. I sometimes wish a bullet was in my head so that I could die and someone more deserving could be spared.

[Karkat]

Honestly, I can relate to a fair amount of what you're saying, and the rest is entirely foreign to me, so I know I can't really help you.

I just really wish the best for you, and hope you hang in there. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. :(

[Ben_Frost]

I can relate to what you say, all I can say you is that death isn't the right option. Though I wish I could say more to help you, I have seen that when most people say they're through, they don't want help from anyone and are just stating the way they feel. So I hope you can find a way out of this that doesn't end with your life.

[Lovelife090994]

Honestly, I can relate to a fair amount of what you're saying, and the rest is entirely foreign to me, so I know I can't really help you.

I just really wish the best for you, and hope you hang in there. I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. :(

I can relate to what you say, all I can say you is that death isn't the right option. Though I wish I could say more to help you, I have seen that when most people say they're through, they don't want help from anyone and are just stating the way they feel. So I hope you can find a way out of this that doesn't end with your life.

I honestly do feel like giving up. It's too hard to keep faking happiness and having no help near me.

[Karkat]

I honestly do feel like giving up. It's too hard to keep faking happiness and having no help near me.

Honestly, like I said, I can relate to that a lot. I mean, I can only hope things get better for you. And for me too, I suppose. Please don't give up just yet. :(

[Lovelife090994]

Honestly, like I said, I can relate to that a lot. I mean, I can only hope things get better for you. And for me too, I suppose. Please don't give up just yet. :(

How can I not give up when I don't even want to get out of bed?

[Magenta]

Because you're going to get out of bed. Do you enjoy feeling this way? Of course not. So you're not going to lie around all day feeling that way.

I'm not saying I'm cured or don't have my bad days or, hell, my really bad days. But you eventually get tired of feeling awful. So you have two options: take the wrong and "easy" route and die or get out of bed and start living your life. You're not going to change in a day. But the first part is to get out of bed.

You're not supposed to know who you are at age 12 or age 20. I'm nearly your age and I didn't go to college because I didn't want to waste money on something I didn't know if I wanted to do. I have no idea who I am. I'm an actor who makes money writing short stories and works at a vet clinic. I'm a jumble of so many things it's mind boggling. Some bits I enjoy, some I may not. But I'm figuring it out, plus I know sometimes we have to do things we don't want to do in order to get where we want.

In your case, that's living. Get professional help. Talk to a doctor. Don't just lie around saying I can't do this or I can't do that because you won't. It's good to reach out to people and VT is always willing to listen or lend advice but the only person who can change things in your life is you. Might as well get a head start.

[Leprous]

Hey buddy, look, please don't give up. You've always been there for me and I really appreciate that. You're a great guy, so please don't give up. You really don't deserve to die. Yes we may different 5 years but I know what life brings. You'll find love, you really will. I believen in you Chris. We're all there for you, and everyone is willing to help, but maybe you need a real doctor. After all, we're no profesionals. Just try to stay strong, for me, for all of us. If you need me, just msg me.

[Karkat]

How can I not give up when I don't even want to get out of bed?

You've just got to get out of bed. Hell, even if you wander around aimlessly, and accomplish what most people would consider "nothing" in a day, you tried.

Just get out of that bed. Feed yourself. Take a quick shower. Watch a TV program you enjoy, or do something relatively fast and free of commitment that'll cheer you up a bit. Just make yourself do a couple quick, relatively productive things each day even if you don't want to get out of bed.

That's what I have to do every day. I'd love to give up, but I can't die. Literally. Not only do I have some amount of responsibility to friends and family to stay alive, but I can't kill myself. Part of it is just luck/chance I'm sure, but part of it is that I really am kind of scared of dying. I've thought about it, and realized that I don't want to leave this life on this note. Even if I won't feel a thing afterwards, I'll just be gone, it's all so...Final.

I don't know. Maybe talking to Charlie so much has gotten to me. :P Not to mention that he's kind of making me promise him I'll live.

But seriously, I know that there are at least a few people on here who care about you, even if no one else does (which seems unlikely.). I care about you, even though we may not see eye to eye on everything.

But seriously, Jo is right. Nothing's going to get better unless you get up, and start making a change in your life.

And you know what, I know how much you want to protest that. You'll probably say that you're too tired, or you just don't care anymore. Believe me, I'm right there with you. I've tried to make a change in my life for far too long, only to have it blow up in my face every time. I'm exhausted and jaded now. Changing your life is a bitch, and it DEFINITELY doesn't come easily.

But you know what? It's worth it. And even if you can't make the commitment to yourself to improve your life right now, if that seems too hard, at least make the commitment to hang in there. Try to get yourself to a better place mentally so you can get your life together. Try thinking if you can eliminate anything that's holding you down. Or if you can introduce small things to boost yourself up.

You'll find a way if you look. It's not going to happen right away, hell, it might not happen for a while, but it'll happen if you want it to.

[Lovelife090994]

You've just got to get out of bed. Hell, even if you wander around aimlessly, and accomplish what most people would consider "nothing" in a day, you tried.

Just get out of that bed. Feed yourself. Take a quick shower. Watch a TV program you enjoy, or do something relatively fast and free of commitment that'll cheer you up a bit. Just make yourself do a couple quick, relatively productive things each day even if you don't want to get out of bed.

That's what I have to do every day. I'd love to give up, but I can't die. Literally. Not only do I have some amount of responsibility to friends and family to stay alive, but I can't kill myself. Part of it is just luck/chance I'm sure, but part of it is that I really am kind of scared of dying. I've thought about it, and realized that I don't want to leave this life on this note. Even if I won't feel a thing afterwards, I'll just be gone, it's all so...Final.

I don't know. Maybe talking to Charlie so much has gotten to me. :P Not to mention that he's kind of making me promise him I'll live.

But seriously, I know that there are at least a few people on here who care about you, even if no one else does (which seems unlikely.). I care about you, even though we may not see eye to eye on everything.

But seriously, Jo is right. Nothing's going to get better unless you get up, and start making a change in your life.

And you know what, I know how much you want to protest that. You'll probably say that you're too tired, or you just don't care anymore. Believe me, I'm right there with you. I've tried to make a change in my life for far too long, only to have it blow up in my face every time. I'm exhausted and jaded now. Changing your life is a bitch, and it DEFINITELY doesn't come easily.

But you know what? It's worth it. And even if you can't make the commitment to yourself to improve your life right now, if that seems too hard, at least make the commitment to hang in there. Try to get yourself to a better place mentally so you can get your life together. Try thinking if you can eliminate anything that's holding you down. Or if you can introduce small things to boost yourself up.

You'll find a way if you look. It's not going to happen right away, hell, it might not happen for a while, but it'll happen if you want it to.

Death scares me because it is so final and I have no clue who I'll meet afterwards given my life now. But, I usually do "nothing" to the dismay of my mother but it keeps me here and I still keep up my chores. I just try to keep breathing. It's why I'm online so much or sketching, it gives me something. No, it never fulfills me or makes me happy, none of my "hobbies" do, but it keeps me sane. I am still trying but I can't distance myself from what makes me trapped and unhappy since I live under her roof and have no job or car or knowledge of being me. I am still stuck and confused; I doubt that part will change. I honestly don't have anything or one to live for. Honestly I wouldn't even live for my own family's sake or yours, but I'll live for now so I don't die so soon.