I've written a song for my ex

[Jordan181]

Me and my ex go to the same college and we're in half of the same classes but we act like complete strangers which I absolutely hate. I've decided to write a song which I plan to give to her on a CD in the hope of getting her back.

You can listen to it here: http://picosong.com/98zJ/

I'd really appreciated any advice on how best to do this, I've thought about asking her out for dinner to a little pizza place where we always used to go together. Also, any feedback on the song would be greatly appreciated!

[ImagineRepublicCity]

(Woah your voice is low)

Anyway, if you want to get her back, you wanna make sure she doesn't hate you, otherwise she just wouldn't want anything to happen at all, just remember that, yeah?

For example, if I ate my friends candy, they'll be pissed, but a simple apology will be okay but if I left them on their wedding day, I highly doubt they'll want to see me ever again.

I think your idea is pretty good though. The song is good, but you might want to tone it down slightly with the cymbals at the endish. I assume you want to focus on the lyrics, so do that as much as you can.

Hope things work out for you~ c:

[Jordan181]

I don't think she hates me, well I hope so anyway haha

And thanks! I've turned the crashes down a bit now

[Jordan181]

What about completely acoustic?
http://picosong.com/98dM/

[CosmicNoodle]

Oooh, not bad at all.

Edit:
After listening to it in its entiraty, your actually very good, do you write many songs?

[Hideous]

This is so beautiful oh my, you're amazing!!

[Jordan181]

Wow thank you! I've written a couple yeah, there's loads that I have started and never finished though.

I've decided to devleop the acoustic one further and I've got some really good ideas for it, I'll post it here when it's done! Do you think she's gonna fall for me again?

[Hideous]

That's up to her to decide, and listen, if she doesn't like the song or fall for you again I don't really know what to say, but I can tell you've worked really hard on this song. If I was this girl you're talking about, I would definitely come back. Whatever happens, keep your head up high and be positive. I wish you the best!!

[Cognizant]

I like the concept, and it would certainly consider giving you a second chance of I were her, but keep in mind that she's not automatically going to say yes. Like if you cheated on her or something, I personally probably would say no thanks.

Also if you do intend on giving it to her I wouldn't be too abrupt about it. If my ex just randomly came up to me and started trying to suck up to me like that I'd honestly be a bit annoyed. So lay it on smoothly, I'd start off by just trying to talk to her a little bit in a friendly sort of way.

[ImagineRepublicCity]

Okay, these are just minor little things I think you could do with the song (Okay, I do take music but I'm not an awesome musician/composer, I only compose 16 bar melodies so don't take this all too seriously. If you can't find a way to change it or if you don't like the suggestion, don't bother)
> I reckon that the song should be a bit shorter to be honest. You probably wanna get the point straight across, you know? If you get rid of one or two stanzas, it'll cut the time at least 10-20 seconds.
> In doing so, maybe try it a bit slower? I don't know what it'll be like, but I think that'll sound good. Maybe 10 beats slower? I used a metronome to estimate, so I think if you cut it to 70, maybe. Try it.
> I can't remember where, but I think maybe one or two bits might be a bit awkward, the lyrics fitting in. Listen to it a couple of times and see if you can hear anything which is slightly awkward and think of another word or something possibly.

Hope that helps.

[Jordan181]

Developed the acoustic one further now: http://picosong.com/9Aer/

ImagineRepublicCity, I can't really make it any shorter than taking out parts which would mean I can't say everything I need to. I tried to play it slower and I don't know if it's just because I'm used to the speed it's at now but it felt really slow and sluggish. The awkwardness is probably just my shaky vocals! I'm going to re-record them soon because there are some really bad bits haha!