i was clean for a year.......

[justkeepswimming]

im so nervous to type this idk why :whoops: but i need to get it of my chest....


i was clean for a little over a year. before i never would have thought that was even a possibility. just last week i relapsed. my grampa was really sick and it just hurt so bad. i wanted the pain to go away so i cut. it was a good release to finally stop battling that craving. but now the craving is so over powering i almost cant fight it off. i cut early on this week too.my grampa just died this past sunday. last night the craving was the worst it literally hurt not to cut. i cried trying my hardest not to. im so proud i didnt last night but i dont know how many nights like that i can take. i almost wish i had no friends and no boyfriend just so i could cut all i want without worrying about hurting anyone but me....some advice would be great....

[Karkat]

I'm SO proud of you for staying strong when you have though- and I don't even know you!

I was clean from alcohol for almost two years when I relapsed in May. I thought it was going to be the end of the world. (And I'll admit, it's still a struggle...) But life went on.

And even though I've relapsed and hurt myself in other ways since then, I'm still healing. Remember that relapse is just as much a part of recovery as staying away from the things you hurt yourself with. It will happen from time to time, but as long as you're willing to press on, you'll be ok in the end.

Be proud of that year you stayed clean. Spend quality time with your boyfriend, your friends. Don't punish yourself for failing, this isn't a test. Life isn't. Just try your best to stay safe, and keep yourself healthy and happy so that you can heal.

Hang in there. <3

[Broken Toy]

I cant offer the perfect advice. But i can tell you that you're a great strong person.
You don't NEED cutting, you've shown it that you didn't cut last night (really well done) and now you just need to keep swimming.
You may have relapsed but to put in perspective:
You cut twice in the past year! That's brilliant. And for you to do brilliant things doesn't that mean you would have to be a brilliant person.

[justkeepswimming]

thanks the both of you i did relapse again but i understand that to succeed sometimes you must fail. your words are very kind and helpful. its amazing to see how supportive a person you dont even know can be. i struggle almost everyday but im getting allot better. im seeking professional help (i have a therapist) and its going great. im allot stronger now but its still a constant thought to want too. but im 1 week and 4 days clean and i really feel like the last time i did it could be the last time for a good while maybe even forever. :D

[Karkat]

thanks the both of you i did relapse again but i understand that to succeed sometimes you must fail. your words are very kind and helpful. its amazing to see how supportive a person you dont even know can be. i struggle almost everyday but im getting allot better. im seeking professional help (i have a therapist) and its going great. im allot stronger now but its still a constant thought to want too. but im 1 week and 4 days clean and i really feel like the last time i did it could be the last time for a good while maybe even forever. :D

That's so good! I'm so happy for you! Just keep hanging in there :hug:

[Broken Toy]

thanks the both of you i did relapse again but i understand that to succeed sometimes you must fail. your words are very kind and helpful. its amazing to see how supportive a person you dont even know can be. i struggle almost everyday but im getting allot better. im seeking professional help (i have a therapist) and its going great. im allot stronger now but its still a constant thought to want too. but im 1 week and 4 days clean and i really feel like the last time i did it could be the last time for a good while maybe even forever. :D

Awesome.

Nice one