to know if ready

[elisharowlyxx]

I'm a 14 year old girl and how can I find out if my bf is ready for anything sexual he's the same age and we've been going out for about 6 months

[Magenta]

Simple answer: ask him.

Honestly, you never get anywhere in any relationship without communication. 14 is pretty young and he may not be ready yet if he hasn't indicated otherwise. But there's no harm in asking. Just keep it casual and be understanding if it's not the answer you want.

If he is ready, make sure you both know the responsibilities involved with being sexually active. If you don't, neither of you are ready despite what you may think.

[elisharowlyxx]

Is there a way of finding out without asking?

[Magenta]

Short of him blatantly whipping it out, not really. If you can't even talk about sex, you're not ready either, I'm sorry to say. Every couple has that conversation eventually, whether you're 14 or 25, etc. You have to be willing to ask. I mean, if you're interested and start making some advances yourself and he doesn't respond then maybe he's not ready.

But the only way to get a real answer is just asking.

[Christen]

Short of him blatantly whipping it out, not really. If you can't even talk about sex, you're not ready either, I'm sorry to say. Every couple has that conversation eventually, whether you're 14 or 25, etc. You have to be willing to ask. I mean, if you're interested and start making some advances yourself and he doesn't respond then maybe he's not ready.

But the only way to get a real answer is just asking.

jo is perfectly right you need to ask him ....you can suggest and guess all day but without asking you never know for sure

[butterfly00]

Im no expert but I would say to just like talk to him and find out.

[elisharowlyxx]

OK thanks for all the advise :)

[ChrisTJ]

Yeah the best way is the most direct way, asking. Or even just talking about sexual stuff, bring up intimacy and cuddling/making out in conversation and then ask how he feels about going further. Other than that, when your making out, gently let your hand go for a 'wander', if he's not coll, he'l stop, you can apologise and it'll all be cool!! :)

[Abbeys]

If your 14,been going out for six months and you haven't done anything yet then it seems to me it's more like a brother and sister relationship.

[elisharowlyxx]

He's quite shy and I'm his first girlfriend

[Magenta]

If your 14,been going out for six months and you haven't done anything yet then it seems to me it's more like a brother and sister relationship.

This is not necessarily true. 14 is very young for sexual intimacy. And I know couples even older who just decided they weren't ready even after that long. It didn't change they were interested in each other that way, it's just a personal decision that can only be made by the people in the relationship.

Not to mention, there are asexual couples who can go their entire romantic relationship without sex.

[Abbeys]

“Not to mention, there are asexual couples who can go their entire romantic relationship without sex.”

This doesn’t apply because clearly Elisha isn’t asexual or else she wouldn’t be asking the question.

Elisha asks about “anything sexual”.

How people can be so cold and calculating about something as instinctual as sex is way beyond my understanding so I bow to your knowledge and experience of this particular aspect.

[Magenta]

“Not to mention, there are asexual couples who can go their entire romantic relationship without sex.”

This doesn’t apply because clearly Elisha isn’t asexual or else she wouldn’t be asking the question.

Elisha asks about “anything sexual”.

How people can be so cold and calculating about something as instinctual as sex is way beyond my understanding so I bow to your knowledge and experience of this particular aspect.

(Funny choice using magenta as a colour choice for quotes, since Magenta was my old username.)

Anyway, I didn't mean it in the instance of this particular situation, I was just giving an example.

Yes, it is instinctual. It's also instinctual at different ages for different people and, for some (I'm speaking in general), not at all. I wasn't really interested in sex until I was 18. I had some sexual encounters before that but I wasn't really into it. But the reason people have to talk about it is because you do have to be responsible. Birth control, condoms, protection against STIs and being regularly tested for them (it's not as embarrassing as it sounds, I've had it done many times just as a precaution). It's not cold and calculating, it's just being mature and knowing yourself and being careful with what you're doing.

It's not just about being ready and instinctive. Sexual education and good communication are important. We're not cavemen anymore so we have to learn about these things and make informed decisions that way.

[Abbeys]

(Funny choice using magenta as a colour choice for quotes, since Magenta was my old username.)

Anyway, I didn't mean it in the instance of this particular situation, I was just giving an example.

Yes, it is instinctual. It's also instinctual at different ages for different people and, for some (I'm speaking in general), not at all. I wasn't really interested in sex until I was 18. I had some sexual encounters before that but I wasn't really into it. But the reason people have to talk about it is because you do have to be responsible. Birth control, condoms, protection against STIs and being regularly tested for them (it's not as embarrassing as it sounds, I've had it done many times just as a precaution). It's not cold and calculating, it's just being mature and knowing yourself and being careful with what you're doing.

It's not just about being ready and instinctive. Sexual education and good communication are important. We're not cavemen anymore so we have to learn about these things and make informed decisions that way.

Thank you for being so candid.

I agree entirely with your approach.

But just to reiterate, if a fourteen year old boy has shown not the slightest inkling of desire toward a girl who, presumably, has made herself sexually available to some extent then I don’t see it going anywhere.

Without going in to detail I am guessing she knows what signs to look for!!!!!!

Magenta is my favourite colour.

Perhaps some other girls can offer some useful advice?

[biancachica]

Simple answer: ask him.

Honestly, you never get anywhere in any relationship without communication. 14 is pretty young and he may not be ready yet if he hasn't indicated otherwise. But there's no harm in asking. Just keep it casual and be understanding if it's not the answer you want.

If he is ready, make sure you both know the responsibilities involved with being sexually active. If you don't, neither of you are ready despite what you may think.

I totally agree. He might be too shy to talk about it too. I think verbally would be the best way, but you can always use body language to communicate without being too aggressive of course.

[Taryn98]

Simple answer: ask him.

Honestly, you never get anywhere in any relationship without communication. 14 is pretty young and he may not be ready yet if he hasn't indicated otherwise. But there's no harm in asking. Just keep it casual and be understanding if it's not the answer you want.

If he is ready, make sure you both know the responsibilities involved with being sexually active. If you don't, neither of you are ready despite what you may think.

This is the best answer
and if you or he are not ready to have this discussion, then neither of you are ready to have sex, it's that simple

[Karkat]

This is the best answer
and if you or he are not ready to have this discussion, then neither of you are ready to have sex, it's that simple

Precisely.

And you know, 14 is still pretty young honestly, so don't feel the need to rush. (Heck, I'm almost 18, and that's still too young for some people) It's ok if one or neither of you are ready yet. Don't worry about it. :)

[kryptonite]

Short of him blatantly whipping it out, not really. If you can't even talk about sex, you're not ready either, I'm sorry to say. Every couple has that conversation eventually, whether you're 14 or 25, etc. You have to be willing to ask. I mean, if you're interested and start making some advances yourself and he doesn't respond then maybe he's not ready.

But the only way to get a real answer is just asking.


I cannot emphasize that enough.

[Gottaloveaginger14]

I promise you if youre to shy or embarrassed to ask him then you're not ready no matter how bad you want it... and i wish someone had told me that before my first time
The two of you need to sit down and talk about what you're ready for and even with what youre comfortable doing in bed and what you think feels good and what you dont like and i promise if you do that not only will you be less nervous when thd time comes but the sex will be better too because you knkw whats ok and whats not and you can focuse on each other without the nerves

[Renata_cmp]

cannot agree more, if you're doubting about it, i think you need some time.

[jenny2234]

Cuddle with him and start kissing. He might be shy but if he is interested he will want more.