Just My Story.

[Case]

So, I guess where I should start with my depression. I suppose it originates from my loneliness and isolation, the days where I spend the time in my room. Sometimes it comes back to me that I could be doing more and feeling better.

But I feel afraid, the feeling of the anxiety is horrible. The anxiety causing my depression causing me to be feeling apathetic almost every second of the day. I'm afraid to admit my problems, it's my stubbornness that always keeps me back. I could help myself, but it's just too hard to tell anyone. There's really no escape from where I am except for waiting for time to pass.

I'm sick of my hate, sick of the feelings I have that I can't control. It feels better to let go, but it's something I really don't want to do. I've always been this way a little. Always afraid of being social, but then tired of the loneliness. I hardly ever leave the house, with home school and the anxiety. Advice hardly helps me anymore, as I've said, I'm too stubborn. So I'm just posting this to a forum and seeing where it can bring me.

There are days where I just feel angry and everything is meaningless, but I still have myself doing things, keeping my composure. I would do many things to keep my issues private from my family. It just feels like so many things are lost, so many things I can't see clearly, things that I would realize if I wasn't so lost. I feel like I'm messed up in the head and there's nothing I can do to fix it. I've done bad things, but I don't feel any empathy for anyone, I don't care about anything.

I'm really not sure. Thanks for reading this.

[xarvon1412]

Well if you're willing to take one quick word of advice, "You miss all the shots you don't take". I'm not sure who said that, and have no desire to look it up, but there's so much truth to that saying. It never hurts to try something out, or talk to someone, you never know what will help. If you ever decide that you really are looking for advice then come back to me, I can always try my hardest to help you out, and I'll always be willing, good luck man, wish you well :)

[Karkat]

I can relate to a lot of this, and sadly it does ultimately need to be you taking the initiative, so I can't help you much other than to tell you that you're not alone. Hang in there, and good luck.

[Dying Ember]

As others have said, talking to someone is the first step. I know talking to people is extremely hard though. You could write it down and give it to them maybe? That way you won't be put on the spot and it might be a lot easier. Good luck in what you choose to do, I know you can do it