so hard

[dauntless]

I am gay. Definitely gay. I am muslim too and I love being a muslim. But I can't be both. If I want to stay muslim, I have to give up being gay. Same thing for the opposite. I could support it before. But then I met this guy. Let's call him B. B is in my class this year. I am madly in love with him. I am obsessed with him. He is so nice, he has such a sweet voice and he's soooo cute. I like to look in his beautiful big blue eyes so much. I want him. As far as I know, he has no girlfriend, he says no clue about sexuality. But he seems (and I said seems because I don't know if I am so obsessed that I'm imagining things or if that's true) to like me. I sometimes catch his look on me. The other day, we got paired in math for a group work. He looked really shy and was trying to avoid eye contact. The class after that, he came to me and asked me if I wanted to work with him. I said no even though I was dying to. I didn't want to get close to him. I wanna forget him. But that's impossible. I want him but I can't have him. What if one day he turns out gay and tells me he loves me? What will I be able to do? Nothing. At all. I will die alone thinking about guys all the time and what could have happened. And if I gave up mu religion, I would feel guilty as hell forever and I'm pretty sure I'd regret it in afterlife. If I didn't think he likes me, it would be totally different because I know I have no chance with anybody and that sexuality wouldn't change anything. I can't. It's so hard. So hard.

[Croconaw]

You can most certainly be both. Who said that you couldn't?

[phuckphace]

I'm pretty sure that most Muslims consider homosexuality to be more of an act than a "sexual identity" or whatever, so technically you can have homosexual feelings but remain a Muslim as long as you don't actually have sex with a guy.

[dauntless]

Wait. Phuckphace, do you know more about this? So as long as there's no sex, it doesn't count as an act? If you have sources or something that'd be great

[mrpieface2]

I think phuckpface is right. You can have homosexual feelings, but then I think if you have gay sex with a guy, then it's different. I am not muslim, but I have heard that before.

[Ben_Frost]

If it really conflicts with your religion so much then maybe you probably should forget about that guy. Unless you can do as phuckphace427 says and avoid having sex with him and still get in a relationship with this guy.

[phuckphace]

Wait. Phuckphace, do you know more about this? So as long as there's no sex, it doesn't count as an act? If you have sources or something that'd be great

no sources, that's just the impression I get from my experiences with a sizable number of e-Muslims. anecdotal I know. when it comes to theology I'm vastly more familiar with Christianity so unfortunately I can't offer more. but nothing to worry about imo

edit: also to add to my earlier post^, I've noticed from skimming Islamic laws on homosexuality that they tend to use the word "sodomy" when referring to the sin/crime, which is specifically the act of having sex with another guy. as long as there wasn't some hidden meaning that got lost in translation to English, it seems to support my guess.

[Perfectly Flawed]

You can change your religion, but you can't change your sexuality. Do what you feel is most important to you, but don't rush into a decision.

[dauntless]

Thank you all guys!

[Zachary G]

You can change your religion, but you can't change your sexuality. Do what you feel is most important to you, but don't rush into a decision.

I agree with Kim, you can always change your religion, but you can not change your sexuality -- we are not in control of who or what we are sexually attracted, its just the hand we were dealt -- but ultimately you have to do what your heart leads you to do, just dont be so quick to rush into anything.

[Dying Ember]

I don't think you should choose one over the other. Your sexuality cannot be changed. As lostintranslation said, it's part of who you are. As you are dedicated to your religion and love it, I don't think you should give up being Muslim. It is a hard choice of what do do. I wish you the best of luck, im sorry I couldn't have been more help

[Christen]

i think you just cant stop to be gay
you can change your opinion, your religion , your attitude but can you change who you are ? and do you want to change who you are?
you want to be a muslim thats fine for me everyone shall belive what he/she wants. is just because you are gay a reason you cant belive in islam?
pff to me you are a a gay muslim then no problem in that pretty sure there are more than enough out there
i am pretty sure its not the religion that is homophope its the leaders of the religious groups

[Green Arrow]

You can change your religion, but you can't change your sexuality. Do what you feel is most important to you, but don't rush into a decision.

This ^^ you can change your beleifs but you can't change your love. Who says you can't be both? I know you could be shunned or whatever but Im sure there are other gay muslims as well. :)

[dauntless]

Hey guys. I've thought about it a lot and I thought the best way was to "become"(or pretend to be) assexual. It's way easier than pretending to be straight. I could just ignore attraction. To answer some of your replies, I love being a muslim. I beleive what they do. No, that does not mean I'm one of those persons who thinks homosexuals should burn in hell. I just think that there's a reason God made us that way. And will never give up my religion for that. So if an ultimatum was given to me, I'd give up sexuality without a doubt. Although it is hard and I wanna be normal. But my life's a mess.

[Magenta]

It all depends on how you interpret the laws of your religion. In Christianity, the bible does not actually say the act of homosexuality is a sin. If you really read it, the stories refer to men who participated in orgies with other men (and, I believe, women) whilst cheating on their wives. That was the real problem, not the fact that men were engaging in sexual acts with other men. Now if people actually read the bible, we wouldn't have all those "bible thumpers" who claim to know what they're talking about while condemning everyone to hell when that's not the case at all.

Study your texts, ask whatever your version of a priest about it. Do not just assume that because you want to be Muslim that you have to pretend to be asexual and abandon your sexual orientation. You cannot change just because you want to. It doesn't work that way. If Islam (and I do not mean to be offensive here) would condemn a whole group of people for existing, despite the rest of the good it provides, why would you want to follow a god that does not love you as you are? After all (and correct me if I'm wrong) Allah created you, did he not? Why would any god create his people just to hate them for how he made them?

[dauntless]

@Black Widow: I don't wanna be offensive but, don't you think that if I got to this point, I already tried that? I read everything about homosexuality In the Koran(our bible) and it doesn't say much except that story where a guy has gay sex and is condamned to hell (I'm trying to make it really short). At first, I thought that as long as it doesn't involve sex, it's not a sin. But then there's this (and I quote) : you approach men with desire, instead of women. Rather, you are a transgressing people.
it is pretty obvious it is totally forbidden. The only reason I'm suggesting the pretending way is because I'm on third wheel. It's a total mess in my life and I can

[Magenta]

Let's put it this way: religion is not a set of rules. I know, you're not taught that way but it is faith in a power beyond your control, it is belief that you are to live your life in a way that will benefit yourself and others. But it is a guideline. If we all lived by the literal interpretations of our religions, we'd still be living in the Dark Ages. You are doing good by yourself and Allah by being good to others and yourself. Loving someone and accepting yourself is not a sin, I don't care what a book says. It should be celebrated, whether it's with a man or a woman or anyone else.

If you truly believe that your god would create you as you are only to condemn you, I don't even see why you'd want to follow that religion so badly. That goes for any religion, not just Islam. You're placed on this earth to do good and to treat others the way you want to be treated. That is the golden rule of every religion out there. I do understand that you want to be both a Muslim and a man comfortable in his sexuality and you can be both. There is literally no one stopping you but yourself. Allah isn't striking you down for being gay. No one else has control over how you live your life. You can put faith in your religion but you also have to have faith that your god is not going to condemn you for doing the most basic of all rules: loving others and yourself.

I apologise because I am not Islamic so I don't understand the finer details. But I did grow up in a Catholic family and when you get to the roots of most religions, they're not really all that different. It's up to you but you can't change your sexuality and pretending to be someone you're not is only going to make you miserable. I know gay Muslim men. They've accepted who they are and that their faith isn't going to waver just because they are not taking the Koran word for word. Your faith and kindness are more important than using a book as an instruction manual.

[dauntless]

I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have asked because none of this is helping me and I'll have to take my decisions alone anyway. I will live in the closet. It'll be hard. But it is doable. Thank you all.