I'm so done.

[beast5400]

I'm not gonna say much because it's probably worthless on here. I've lost nearly everything. No reason to live now. I have barely any friends now, I've been in and out of high school (Grade 10), and I'm so f***ed up, there is nothing that helps me. Medications are bs, all about money and they only numb the problem. Supplements and eating healthier/working out doesn't do anything for me. I'm constantly depersonalized and there is no known way to get rid of that, so that makes everything a lot worse. I drink occasionally, and I've smoked weed for around 3 years. That's probably one of the contributing causes for the depersonalization, but for 2 years straight I've been dealing with crippling depression and it doesn't come in episodes, it's 24/7. All aspirations I used to have are gone, and I have very little interest in anything. School is hard to deal with because a lot of the time I'm too depressed to even show up. I had like 20-30% attendance in second semester grade 9. (I went for a month in grade 8 and 2 days in first semester.) I have a screwed up perception of life and I feel like I've screwed myself up permanently. I can't live like this anymore, I've gotten to a point where most people would of already killed themselves and I've gotten close many times before. My fear of death was the only thing keeping me back but that's slowly fading with time, and I'd say I have maybe a little more than a month left before I decide to end it. Hospital won't help, been there, made things worse. Therapists just ask you questions and call it therapy. I never used to be like this, I used to be really happy and quite outgoing, now people complain about how I never talk. Life has just been a downward spiral since I was about 12, and I don't even know why I'm still typing this.

[Captain Who]

I believe that you have hope of having something to make you say no, and here it is.You should stop an evaluate your decisions. Obviously you have sought help otherwise you wouldn't have made the post. Now I don't want to be one of the people who say 'It will get better' for the hell of it, because what would the point in that be? Although I will say it will get better with a meaning, because it can get better if you are willing to cooperate with yourself to try and make things happen for you.
For instance, you should start going to school again, even though you will probably disagree with me. You probably find school boring? Well as boring as it is, if you sit down and listen to the teacher and just trying and work out it will let you take your mind of things that are putting you down. You are far from screwed up and worthless.
Think about your future, maybe you can see yourself with a job? A family? (Maybe, you decide, what do you want to happen?)

I would stay just start afresh and try not to smoke weed, a drink is nice but not when you over do it.

If any of this made sense to you at all, I don't know. All I am trying to say is that death in this case is not an option my friend. Also, I know I don't know you but I believe in you and I think you'll do well to take my advice. :)